While I am concerned about the financial situation, my specific panic has been...well, just stuff.
Who knows where it comes from, or why some days are better than others. But as we approach our Level II ultra sound on Thursday, I have found myself clicking away with my mouse searching for articles that relate to all of the following: complete placenta previa (which I currently still have), heart murmurs, and increased vaginal discharge.
- In regards to the placenta previa search: this is a "justified" search in my mind, since I have it. Some of the stories/medical facts are absolutely terrifying. And I cant seem to stop reading once I start. It really wraps around my mind, and it's a bit paralyzing. Seeing more in regards to risks/concerns other than resolving and no concerns has me reeling...
- I don't know why I keep typing in heart murmur into the search bar. It just scares me, and so therefore I seek out the information to help me understand it more.
- Increased vag discharge: this I do have. I actually called the nurse today to hear it come out of her mouth that it is normal--I just hate feeling what I call a small gush, since I've been down the road of spotting/bleeding, and I freeze every time I feel it.
I must come across as a bit neurotic and definitely a worry wort. I think going through the experience of bed rest and the hemorrhage so early on has made me so cautious and it all comes back to what I can and can't control. And this whole experience is out of my control.
Mook and I are definitely so excited about Thursday, but also nervous. It's so cliche, but all I want is a healthy child--boy or girl. Have you entered your guess yet?
Bottom line, I just need to stay away from Dr. Google and give my mouse a rest, right? I need to trust that my OB continues to give me the information I need and let it go.
Thanks for listening and understanding my need to click...or should I say need to be click-less.