There I was.
Standing in the middle of my room. Holding the monitor in one hand, a tissue in the other.
It was midnight on Monday...I had just laid Oman back down--he had woken up screaming--a continuation of the past few weeks of restless sleep due to monster-teeth and a virus.
I glanced over at my empty bed...Mook had left that morning for another work trip.
I felt completely alone in that moment. That moment turned into me standing still in that exact same spot for 20 minutes.
My thoughts went allllll over the place. I'll give you a sample:
I am worried Oman will stop breathing.
What if the house temperature is too cold.
Where did I put my socks?
Why did Mook leave his water bottle on the dresser?
Is Oman going to be sick all the time now that he's in preschool?
When does Modern Family come back on? Is my DVR set to tape it?
How the hell did someone come up with Yo Gabba Gabba?
I wish the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse song didnt get stuck in my head.
It is now stuck in my head.
My marriage is taking a beating from Mook's job.
What if we had to go through treatment this year with all his travel....we
would never have been able to cycle.
Did I remember to put the flag up on the mail box?
I need to paint my toenails.
What if I need to go back to work and we have to pull Oman out of preschool?
I need to get things organized for the garage sale
Why is it called a garage sale?
I miss waking up next to my husband
But I dont miss his snoring
I don't take enough pictures
Is Oman still breathing?
(It's always interesting to look back and see how in the world your mind got from one thought to the next!)
I obviously had gotten so overwhelmed with thoughts, that I just sort of went into a trance. I put the monitor down, wiped away my tears, turned on the light and went over to my dresser.
One of my coping mechanisms when things are spiraling out of control, is to do something completely random and not associated with any of the tornado-of-thoughts that I am dealing with.
So I decided to weed through my underwear drawer.
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(not my skivvies!)
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I found nursing bras, undies that were way to small, bras that were meant for support, bras that were meant for the days that they match your undies (if you know what I mean--wink-wink), Granny-Panties, a random tank top that I thought I'd lost, my favorite-wear-any-day-of-the-week bra, a bra that was my faaaaavoooorite-but the one of the clasps broke 4 months ago--yet I still have it in my drawer, the bra that pushes me up in all the right places, the undies that I wear when I need to do laundry, my new sports bra, and the list goes on...
I started tossing everything onto the floor. First I tossed lightly. Then I started tossing them...some landed on the bed...a few got stuck on the fan blades...one on my poor dog's head. It felt good to just throw things. And by the last toss, I was laughing. Seeing bras and undies strewn about the room...well, let's just say I'm glad no one else walked in at that moment.
Then it was time to clean up.
And as I began to organize my personal effects, my thoughts magically started to sort themselves too. Well, to be fair, I didn't come to conclusions about anything specific, or worry any less about Oman's breathing--but I now had a clean and organized drawer, and my mind was settled enough that I could lay back down and get some sleep.
So the next time you're overwhelmed? Toss some skivvies across the room! But really--what do you do that's "out-there" when you need to clear your mind?
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