The Grey Area

And no, I’m not talking about the oh-so-popular Fifty Shades of Grey * that so many are gossiping about by the water cooler.

This grey-area is far less awesome.


First, it’s not cancer – you could practically see the weight come off my shoulders when I heard the doctor (yes my doctor rocks, and called me personally). Unfortunately, there is the word cancer in the report: precancerous cells.

So yes, I’m thrilled. I feel blessed. I am happy that it’s NOT cancer.

But for the rest of the diagnosis and follow-up steps, there is a lot of grey area.

Because the entire mass contained abnormal/precancerous cells (along with the surrounding tissue) I will go back in 4 weeks and have a laser ablation of the lining of my uterus. More bleeding. Yay. (I have kept ‘Always’ in business the past 4 months) Birth control for the next 3 months, and a follow-up endometrial biopsy in August.

I realize that sounds like a pretty decisive diagnosis and treatment plan – it is … in theory. For me mentally? It leaves the book open – this chapter cannot be closed. I am left in limbo – and
I guess
, no -I know I’m just damn tired of living in health-limbo.  I’m not black-and-white healthy and I must remain in this grey  area while my body chugs along and figures out how to reset. It’s also the added heart/B12/thyroid issues that I have to keep on top of – I have 4 more weeks of B12 injections and 3 more months of beta blockers – so later this summer? I’m gonna EXPECT my body to be back with the program and on track, dammit.

It could be worse. So much worse. I know that. But I’m not going to spout sunshine because that’s really not how I feel. I will get there – time heals. But right now, I’m allowing myself to be OK with being upset that I don’t have clearer answers.

I am going to get back to walking, since I’ve been cleared to do that – and my hope is that the exercise will help my mental health as well. And being able to blog again – well that’s an excellent medicine all by itself! Thanks for all the well-wishes and support – I’ve been recouping this week and I’m grateful for the TLC from my family and friends.

*Yes, Ive read Fifty Shades of Grey – talk about turning fifty shades of RED when my mother asked me if I had read it. Hi Mom *

Tonight, On The Eleven O’Clock News…

Thank you for joining us for this BREAKING NEWS story – we will cover a lot in a short amount of time, so stay tuned for further news as we receive it.

JJ was last seen at a computer blogging before her husband’s (aka: Mook’s) esophagus surgery in September of last year – here is what we have gathered has happened since that time:

• Mook had a successful surgery with a lengthy recovery time, but is doing well and back to running around with O-man
• JJ took a leap of faith and did something she hadn’t done in six years: auditioned for a musical … and got the lead! That kept her occupied and in a blissful state through the holiday season.
• JJ got pneumonia post-blissful state … she reportedly does not recommend visiting an Urgent Care facility on New Years day.
• JJ loved above blissful state so much, that she auditioned for another theater production – and threw in a movie audition for kicks. Both ventures successful, the creative outlets provided JJ with a great sense of self-fulfillment – much needed after the trials and tribulations of 2011.
• O-man turned three in February – both JJ and Mook were overheard saying “What a JOY he is – and how lucky we are to have this (not so) little boy making us smile every day…”
• Mook started blogging!
• JJ began noticing that the adrenaline rush she was getting on stage was extending past the curtain call – fast/irregular and sometimes painful heart palpitations. Not to mention a seemingly never ending cycle that brought on heavy bleeding at times. Off to the doctor she went.
• Shortened version before we go to commercial break: it was worth going to the doctor. JJ has a severe B12 deficiency, a ventricular tachycardia condition – and to top it all off: the cause of the never-ending cycle, (a quote obtained directly from JJ’s physician), “a suspicious non-fibroid-uterine-tumor” that is being removed this Friday. Anxious feelings surround the Jeans household.
• We now break in with a special statement from JJ:
• “I may not know exactly where this blog is headed, but I’m happy to have the computer keys under my fingers again. The enter key never felt so good. Thanks for being here with me.”
  

We appreciate you tuning in for tonight’s BREAKING NEWS. Please stay tuned for more news and non-third person reporting (aka: blogging) in the very near future…..