Lucky 13

A little blue, a little pink--just to cover both case scenarios. And no, this is not the cake that we ate yesterday-- but ours was yummy too. I enjoyed every single bite of (both) pieces that I consumed--one for me, one for Ron.

So here I am at my goal. Don't be fooled--I've already set more of the g-word, but this one was truly a milestone, and one that is being treasured. I woke up feeling so thankful, and had a nice long chat with God. Have any of you seen the new show The Cleaner? While I am not a former drug addict on a mission, I do find myself just talking with God--while it's not the formal type of praying, it feels comfortable and I feel connected. I've had a lot of alone time with the big man upstairs and it's always nice to remember to share the good moments too...I tend to ask so much of His time in the scary/bad moments.

The second thing I did, was to take out my nifty doppler that came a week ago--thank you Nancy for the great recommendation. It's actually the same brand my OB uses--just not as high tech. It's a small wonder that I don't have that thing in hand and on tum at all times. So there was Ron, making some noise for me--heart beat and squirming. We talked for a bit (well I talked, he listened) and I said "I love you" about 20 times, and I promised cake for later.

To keep this post from being a novel, I will break down some thoughts and hopefully keep from going so long between posts-annnnd really get back into blog-mode, becauuuuuse....as of next Wednesday I am off bed-rest! Let me share why this is:

-At it's largest, the hematoma was 5cm. It is now .9cm (as in point 9) Hallelujah!

-Last week, we had a scan at 12w1 day, and I was measuring 12w4d-all good growth. Previa still there, but they will continue to keep an eye on it.

-Because I was measuring ahead, our u/s technician recommended to go forward with the NT scan and measurements that day--she was afraid we'd miss the window. Originally we were going to wait until Mook was back in town this week, but I knew he'd be OK with me going forward with it. The tech was soooo nice--she said she could get he measurements, even though I didn't have a full bladder. Ron was being a "side-winder" and made it difficult at first to get them, but she was willing to take as long as needed--fine with me, but I have to say it was a tad weird when she started jiggling the dildo cam to get Ron to move. Umm, yea. Most action I've seen in months.

- I was not expecting this, but my blood work was back and since the tech got the measurements, the Doc was able to give me the results that day! I held my breath, said a prayer, and he turned the computer screen for me to see:
Chances of Down Syndrome before testing: 1 in 777. After testing/bw: 1 in 5, 749
Chances of Trisomy 13/18: 1 in 300. After testing/bw: 1 in 10,000
Extremely thankful for these numbers-but even if we are the 1 in those numbers, this child is loved no mater what.

These past few weeks have been a true test: one I could write numerous posts on, and hope to get my thoughts together enough to do so. But when does infertility stop becoming a test? I think it forces you to look at life in a whole new way-a more appreciative way. And I am capital A appreciative.

Next appointment is at 14w1d-my sweet OB said that typically he wouldn't see me back until 16w, but he knows I would stalk him if he made me wait that long. I want that hematoma completely out of my vocabulary. I tried my darnedest to peek at the goods at the scan, but no go. Our official anatomy scan is 18weeks, so some time to play the guessing game--which is fun too.

But really it's been a day to day thing. No talk of nursery, plans, etc. Im not quite there. We've talked names, but that has been going on since the day we got married. Not new territory. I do have some questions I need help with: Im having a hard time convincing myself that the pain in my left side I had all day yesterday was round ligament pain. Help diagnosis me--it feels like a muscle cramp, but sometimes is REALLY painful. Other question: I am a hot dog fan. I can't escape it. I did wait until after the 12w mark, and made sure it was cooked, but stuff I read says no to hot dogs at all. Do I need to lay off the dogs? (I had one tonight...)

As far as how Im feeling: everything crossed, I seem to be past the nausea. Still have some food aversions. I have a headache everyday, sometimes really bad. The nose is still stuffed up, and have a feeling it will stay that way.

We've started telling family and close friends...I still get nervous about it. Im very protective of the news--but Mook on the other hand, tells everyone he meets--which is cute. When he was coming back from PA last week, he bought a baby name book and the whole freakin' airport bought him a drink.

So I have a lot to catch up on with all of you--and I cant wait to reconnect. Thank you so much for being patient with me...

Berber or Shag?

In my younger days, it wasn't a common thing for me to visit a carpet store, but the few memories I do have of running through isles of carpet bring memories of exhilaration and fear.

I love the smell of new carpet...it's right up there with new-car-smell and permanent marker. I also love all the different textures....as I would chase my sister through the piles and isles, I'd make sure my hands touched each piece of fabric. That was 10 year old exhilaration!

Then the moment would come where the carpet would drown out every noise. I would turn around and find I was no longer being chased, and I could no longer see my parents talking to the salesman. I was alone and trapped in the middle of the Berber and Shag...that was 10 year old fear.

But then the sound of my mother's voice would break the silence, and I would run towards it as fast as my feet would go. I'd usually run smack into her, and I'd get the look to behave and I'd set off climbing the piles and running all over again...

So what the hell does carpet have to do with my 28 year old self? That same old game of exhilaration and fear.

Exhilaration:
On Monday, we heard Ron's heartbeat
I'm 11 weeks 2 days
Morning sickness--at night.
Ironically, we are getting new carpet in 2 weeks
On August 27th (13 weeks) I will be having a cake celebration for Ron. It's a goal my doctor has set for me, and I'm looking forward to celebrating.
I've put a link on the side, if you wish to see Ron's glamor shots.

Fear:
We did not have an u/s this week, so it's unclear about the status of the hematoma
At our 10 week scan, it was clear I have placenta previa. Let's hope it resolves as my uterus grows...
Not seeing Ron every day. It's easy to become addicted to ultra sounds.
Mook will be out of town all next week--he's my security blanket. I am thankful my family will take turns staying with me!
Getting anxious about the NT testing...I'll be close to 13 weeks when we get the scan (I've already done the blood work) so that Mook can be there.


Truly, each day has been a blessing. I've learned to live life in 24 hour increments, and that's OK with me. Life on bed rest isn't easy--but I always said I'll do whatever it takes. Mook is a great nurse-it's just hard for me to not do more. I miss being more involved in the blog world-miss it terribly. I promise Im not one to disappear after getting 2 lines...I'm just doing my best to follow the dr's orders, and I will be back to full steam ahead as soon as I can...I appreciate you all continuing to check on me-it means so much.

So other than the nighttime sickness (which happens one day and then not the next) I have continued to have lower back pain, and the biggest symptom to date: my runny nose! I'm stuffed up all the time, and have a bloody nose at least once a day. I've read this is not uncommon--and my doctor said its definitely a symptom. Just not a whole lot I can do to cure it...

Thank you again for checking on me. Please go over and give Bee Cee lots of company today...she needs some TLC. She's been SO good to me...love you Bee Cee!

Horizontal Happenings

Hi everyone, it's Bee Cee again* with the latest update on our friend JJ.

First of all, just to put your mind at rest, everything is ok, but there's a bit of an update that JJ wanted you all to hear.

Yesterday she text me and part of it said this:

"Not doing well today, saw red blood, so I am flat on my back".

I could tell in her tone that she was really worried. Poor girl, this thing is never ending for her. I wish someone would give her a break, so she could enjoy (if that's possible) her pregnancy.

Latest update today was better news:

"Was in the ER this morning, all is ok but I'm just so frustrated".

I knew she was doing better as she put kisses on the text this time! Knowing her as I 'think' I do, she will be relieved everything is ok with the wonderboy Ron, but she will still be very worried.

So, please send through any happy vibes for JJ, I am sure she will be thrilled to hear from you all when she's up to using the internet.

That's all for now. I've been Bee Cee your guest blogger for the day, hopefully JJ will back soon with the latest installment of Ron's adventures in wonderland.

* bet you all dread seeing my blasted name on a post....please don't think I am a doom and gloomer! Hopefully, the next time I will be back is to announce the safe arrival of JJ and Mook's baby.