How to Quiet the Mind

No, I don't have the magic answer....I was hoping you did. Mine sure won't shut up.

So here's the scoop: Ron is a hip hop dancer. Well, Mook says he is...

The u/s technician moves SO fast, that it's hard to see much of anything--as long as I see the heart beat flickering, I'm OK. I think I had my eyes on the hematoma when Mook saw little R "pumping his arms" and to see Mook's impression of little R, definitely made me laugh.

Ron measured on time yesterday (7w6d) with a heartbeat at 164 bpm. Still hanging around: the hematoma, which looks like exactly Pac-Man--the u/s picture is a bit too blurry to take a picture of, and since I'm not near a scanner, I'll just let you imagine it. I asked more questions about the position of the hematoma (which now measures 5cm--still haven't been told if this is small, med, large--does anyone else know what your measurements were with one of these?) and the u/s tech said it appears to be above the sac--and that although it's still a bit early to tell, she thinks the placenta is starting to form on the opposite side, which would be great. Still not a guarantee by any means, but it's something. And I am thrilled to share with you that I puked last night: my first "morning sickness" happened at 9pm last night.

The hematoma is officially being reffered to as Voldemort around here...he's scary, mean and down right evil, but he CAN BE DEFEATED. It feels so easy to type that, and I need to re-read my own words, because it's damn hard to feel positive a lot of the time.

I'm not getting much more from Dr. T as far as prognosis: just bed rest, more bed rest, waiting, scans, and cautious optimism. I am considering getting another OB in my area to take a peek--his bio states "enjoys working with uterine abnormalities and bleeding." I've also talked to my former acupuncturist--I did not do acupuncture this round, but I still have hope that nature's remedies can do a body good. He's looking into some options for me--he wants me to check with my office tomorrow about fish oil and possibly garlic.

My mommy is coming to stay with us for the next 2 days...Im extremely lucky to have a mom that is also my best friend--I am looking forward to a lot of things--talking to her about my faith in all of this, playing card games, and getting that special mommy hug. Mook has been,and continues to be, a stellar husband--but he needs a break too. He's on a "man-date" tonight, and having my mom here will cut down on his cooking duties=)

I actually went back to the OB today for my "Health Education" appointment--I was prepared for "here's what you can and can't eat." I almost fell out of the chair when she asked me:

• Will you breast or bottle feed?
  
• Will you circumcise if you have a boy?
  
• Oh and here's your hospital pre-admission form

Holy crap. I was not ready for that...I came home with a bag full of info, but I'm waiting for Mook to go through it with me. I just can't do it alone.

I go back and forth between absolute fear and acceptance. I do know that God is using this time to really teach me about control: that I really don't have any. For me, that is one of (if not THE) hardest lesson.

So I'm still on bed rest until at least August 6th. My job has been very understanding, but I know it's coming to the point where some bigger decisions need to be made--I don't want them to suffer, and I don't need to be stressed out.

Each morning when I pray, I picture all of you in the room with me--it helps me feel less alone. It's the hardest time of day for me, not knowing what the day will bring...but it brings me so much comfort to have your thoughts and prayers. I appreciate each "check-in" emails (im behind on responding) and the cards and care-packages are the best thing evvvvver. And I mean evvvver.

Closing thoughts: please continue to send SHRINKING vibes to Voldemort and GROWING vibes to Ron. And to do my part in positive thinking, I'm having Mook take a "belly" shot tonight--since I have always wanted to celebrate the 8 week mark. Nothing to see yet, but I have to have that reminder that Ron is in there...and doing his best.

And just to make you (and me) laugh, I have to share this fantastic video that Sticky Bun sent me: I LOVE it!