A Fond Farewell

2008 is about to become history. As of tomorrow, everyone will refer to it as "last year" and it will officially become the past.

I have always been one to reflect on the past and look ahead into the future-it's a challenge for me to take advantage of the present. But 2008 has really taught me to live in the moment and that is the greatest lesson I will take forward with me into this new year.

As most of you are probably doing, I want to make note of some memorable moments from this past year. I don't intend to categorize them as positives and negatives, because each thing that took place in my life this year, got me to this moment and will carry me forward.

• We started off the year with reconnecting through couples counseling
• We put hope into Chilly and Willy during our FET cycle
• I was able to connect to more wonderful people by blogging for REDBOOK Infertility Diaries
• I submitted my first entry to the International Infertility Film Festival
• We made the decision to try IVF for the 2nd time
  
• Braces Bunch added a 2nd generation of bloggers
• I celebrated a year of blogging and 100 posts
• We put hope into Harry, Ron and Hermione during IVF #2
• We were overcome with joy and hope when we found out IVF # 2 had worked--and Ron was officially in the Uterus of Gryffindor
• I learned to sit still with God and treasure each day as I spent 9 weeks on bed rest
• We learned that Ron was truly a Ron!
  
• We reached many personal goals: 13 weeks, 20 weeks, 24 weeks, and it continues...
• I stayed connected with and met new bloggers: all of you inside my computer are a treasured friend, and I am so thankful for the continued support given in this community

Last year, Mook and I knew what each other was thinking and wishing as the clock struck midnight-and I remember wishing so many things for all of my blog buddies as well. Not much will change tonight when the new year comes in-our thoughts will be with the precious gift we have been given, and many good thoughts will be going out across the miles. I truly love calling out each bloggers name in my head and sending a special thought...

I've been a bit quiet as the year has come to an end...mostly because I got to spend 5 wonderful days with Mook being home for the holidays. With his work schedule, we don't get a lot of time together during this time of year, but it meant a lot that he was able to take some time off-he knew how hard it was for me that we couldn't be with my family this year. Thank you to each of you who sent little reminders that you'd be thinking of us on Christmas--we sent those warm thoughts right back! (I'm still enjoying the yummy fudge that Delenn suggested we make--her Grammie's fudge is truly delicioso!)

The other not-so-happy reason is I was back in the hospital on the 28th. For most of the day, I had quite a few BH contractions, and as the night settled in I experienced shortness of breath and shooting pains on the lower part of my stomach. I tried to remain calm--there was no bleeding, so I called the triage nurse, but after a review of my symptoms along with the previa, she told me to go in ASAP.

Thank goodness the pattern continues: Ron's doing well, my body just wants to pitch a fit. They did catch quite a few contractions on the monitor, and since the pain continued they decided to do an u/s. I was in so much pain, I didn't really get a good look at the monitor--but Mook said little man was doing well. He is breech, but that doesn't mean much in our case--but Im wondering if his little feet were pressing on a nerve. The best news was that my cervix was fine-frustrating news is that they aren't really sure what caused the episode. I hated that I couldnt wait to just be seen by my doctor (which was yesterday) but I'm thankful for good health care!

The appt yesterday: I have been given procardia that I need to take if Im having more than 3 BH in a short span (20 min or so) and it looks like bed rest is in the very near future. I will still go back next week for my weekly check in, and then on the 12th he will do another u/s and we will most likely have a c-section date after that appointment. So I continue to be thankful for the constant reminder that Ron is OK (I dont know when this kid sleeps!) and just pray that I can keep him "cooking" as long as possible!

So as 2009 approaches, I do bid a "fond" farewell to 2008: it brought us many blessings and in the midst of the hard times I grew in faith and had the best friendships in the world to fall back on in this community.

May 2009 be mighty fine!

Bag it Up

A very specific question, but any help would be appreciated.

I love purses/bags/messenger carriers, so it's no surprise that I would like a fantabulous diaper bag. I do not want to become a bag lady if I can help it: carrying a huge diaper bag AND a purse. I'd love something that combines my needs and little Ron's.

Your ideas? Recommendations? Bags not to waste time on?

Much obliged!

Nesting Anyone?

I've always been an organized person, so when you multiply that times ten=you've got one panicky JJ and one exasperated Mook.

Honestly, we are dealing with the nesting feelings pretty a-ok: we knew with my personality that when it did hit, that we'd both have to brace ourselves. Since we've been able to talk through the small tiff's we've gotten into, and continued to communicate about the panicky feelings, we're working through it. Mook's been a trooper, and I will share his efforts with you shortly!

First an update on my appointment from this week--it was short and uneventful. Probably the last one that will be like that, so I'll take it. It was more of a follow up from last week, and a time for me to ask more questions-no checking of the cervix or previa this time. He was comfortable with passing me on the glucose test, so that made me feel tons better. He said that he would keep an eye on my urine sample each visit. So I celebrated with a Krispy Kreme donut last night :0)

I asked about hiccups (his, not mine!), growth scan, and when we would schedule my c-section. Ron gets the hiccups at least 3 times a day...so it started to worry me that it was too often--but doc man said it was perfectly normal. I wondered when we'd do an actual growth scan, since all I've gotten up to this point is just a belly measurement, which has always been OK, but I want to know how his little body is growing. As far as the c-section date, we will most likely know the date after my next ultrasound, which is January 12th. I'll be right around 33 weeks at that point. I won't go in next week, due to the holiday, but I go back on the 30th for a routine check-in, which may involve a swab test and a visual check on the cervix. He also mentioned if I start to have more then 4 Braxton Hicks contractions in an hour, that I need to call--he'll want to get me on some meds. As of right now, I have about 4-5 a day.

We had our last baby class last night--I do think it was worth it, esp for Mook's benefit. Just helped us make a plan of action and understand all the small details. I've already got my hospital bag half packed...a bit crazy to think about, but after learning more about what this complete previa situation could cause, I'd rather be safe than sorry.

I finally did it. I finished registering (at the giant, BRUS and my favorite french store, Tar-jay). I honestly would still be only a little of the way through if my friend hadn't offered to take me, and get it all finished. I'm so thankful she was able to do that--even Mook came along--he doesn't pass up an opportunity to use the gun. I also found a great bedding set on e-bay, and it goes really nice with our nursery colors.

Speaking of the nursery, here are some photos to look through. I'm really in awe every time I walk by or into the room--I just get the biggest smile on my face, and say a prayer of thanks and one for things to come. Thanks to Mook for all his hard work!



I've come out of my pity party, and am focusing on the positive and trying to remain in the holiday spirit! Looking back to this time last year makes my heart ache: we were really having a hard time with our IF journey, and it was right before we started counseling. So I am counting my blessings-life really is a gift.

No Call...

I had Mook check the answering machine as soon as he got home last night...no call from my OB. I'm taking that as a bit more on the positive side. I'm sure we will still discuss things at my appointment on Tuesday--but I will definitely be watching my sugar/carb intake regardless.

Planning on giving my boss an update today: the fact that I could go out at anytime, and that I will need to go to weekly appointments from here on out. I'm a bit anxious about it, since I still get asked weekly "When are you due again?" Still have not decided about the "after the fact" but I figure I can be like Scarlett O'Hara and worry about that tomorrow. One thing at a time...

I put up a much better quality scan of the latest glamor shot plus a picture of yours truly, from the day I was born. I personally believe he is looking a bit like his momma!

Sing it like Madonna

For those of you who didn't see my glorious twitter-fest this morning, here's the scoop. I'm borderline. Thank goodness it is in the pass side of borderline. The nurse was comfortable enough to pass me-because the numbers were in range--but only slightly. I don't know, and didn't ask, how much weight those few points carry. I'm expecting to hear from my doctor if he either a) wants me to repeat the test; b) go ahead and treat it as gestational diabetes or c) just leave it alone! Also, they reaffirmed what I forgot to mention yesterday-my iron is low. Add those supplements to my list!

Honestly, I just didn't imagine having to deal with this. I still don't know if I did anything to cause this (nurse says no) but of course I analyze everything I have put in my tum up to this point. And to think I was being scolded about not eating enough at the beginning. And I still don't feel my eating habits are terrible. *Sigh....

Plus, I used to really love Sunkist...but I don't think I'll be grabbing one of those anytime soon after consuming over 18 oz of overly sugary-orange goo.

What happened to the pipe dream of ice cream and pickles whenever you damn well felt like it! :0)

Edited to add: I would love to take the exercise/walking option into play for keeping this at bay, buuuuut due to the previa, all exercise is o-u-t, out. Maybe I can just do arm type exercises on the couch--at least to get my blood pumping?

This Day in History

December 9, 1993: U.S. astronauts completed repair work on the Hubble Space Telescope.

I am working on contacting those same astronauts to come repair ME.

I'm getting ready to throw a pity party, so fair warning. I will get over it and move on, but for right now, I feel like I just lost a fight with Evander Holyfield...and I didn't even get a chance to bite off his ear. (who I've actually met, and he's not that big of a guy!) Anyway...

This day will go down in history as a particularly glum day in Jeans land. Let me just say, I did go in with high spirits and was really doing a good job at being positive. That slowly got chipped away as I got my: blood results, urine/swab results, and ultrasound results.

First, I have a lovely yeast infection. Splendid. The big kicker is, he doesn't want me to treat it right now. He says its not bad enough, and he wants me to forgo the meds right now since there is too much going on in that region and to call if I start to feel bad.

What I've truly known in my gut for a while now: still have complete previa. Less than a .5% chance it will move at all from here on out. It's a nice thick, healthy placenta that little Ron is thriving off of, but it's definitely in the way. I've had a lot of time to come to grips with this, and I am not stressing about the fact that I will have to have a c-section (more on this in a later post). My fears are coming from the unknown. While my cervix remains long and closed, I could start bleeding at any time. He wants to get me to 37 weeks, but obviously if I notice any spotting, it's straight to the hospital. So Mook and I have to go ahead and start planning--which we did at lunch after the appt--and get people on board to help us, get my hospital bag packed, and all those fun things. I will go weekly from here on out, so I am very grateful that they are monitoring me so close. I will continue to work as long as I can (unless I am put back on bed rest) since I am only 2 minutes from the hospital while at work, and 20 minutes when I am at home.

Big fat fail on the glucose test. It needs to be under 140, and I scored a 148. So I get to go back tomorrow for the 3 hour test. I'm reaaaaaly hoping that my body cooperates and I pass tomorrow. Good news is there is wireless at my doctor's office, and they said I can bring in my lap top. I'll be able to post the results of my 3 hour test in real time--whoohoo. (please let it be normal...)

Probably the worst news for me, is that I cannot go home for Christmas. As soon as he said, "no more travelling" my bottom lip started to quiver. When he left the room, I just broke down...that was the final blow. I know Mook and I will have a great little Christmas together, I just love being with my family at Christmastime--all of our fun traditions. Anyone want to come over for Christmas? :0)

But I have saved the best for last. Our precious little Ron--as soon as the tech was sure the previa was still there, I was anxious for her to get that wand moving so we could see him--it's been 10 weeks! And he's definitely growing! His sweet little nose and lips are so defined on the 3-D image. We were also able to get another reassurance that it is in fact a Ron--Mook was a bit nervous that "things" might be missing! I've posted the newest glamor shot if you wish to see his cute little face.

I continue to be so thankful that everything is OK with him. It's just as my doctor said: "What are you doing causing all these problems?!" He was quick to make sure I knew he was joking, and that there is nothing I am or am not doing to make these things happen. It' s good to hear that, but today I just feel so responsible. I just want to do everything I can to make sure Ron makes it here safe and sound. I whispered to Ron as we left the doctor's that although I loooove those milkshakes, that I will make a big cut-back...and, oh: those extra bites of key lime pie are done too...

We have our 4th baby/child class tonight, and we get a tour of the hospital and the facilities-looking forward to seeing some of the men up in the stirrups! Hoping that by seeing where everything will take place, and where I will go will help ease my mind. Overall, and of course outweighing my pity party, is the blessing of modern medicine. I'll continue to focus on the good and just pray that everything will work out. Thanks for all your thoughts today!

Photo Friday

Perfect timing to participate in Calliope's Photo Friday theme, since Mook and I were rummaging through shoe boxes of photos last night.

I don't have a strong recollection of having too many stints on Santa's lap--my mom probably has those pictures in her albums. But here are 2 that I came across...and honest-to-goodness, one of my earliest memories is of these red footie-PJ's in this first picture:

Myself, on the left, with my cousin. Don't we look like twins?
This was taken over the Christmas holiday 1982.


Our Christmas card that year--I'm thinking 1986? I loved that little ATV Raider!

Check out all the other Early Holiday Photo entries here!

twenty-seven

I can literally get stuck for 20 minutes trying to think of a title, and today it's not so creative--but I'm beyond thankful to be able to use it.

27 weeks today. The big milestone according to the baby growth sites is: Ron can now blink his eyes. One site says I am in the third trimester today, but most of the others say it's next week...either way: holy crap.

Not too much to report--just wanted to check in and post some things for the record.

• We went to our 3rd baby/child class last night--it's not the best thing in the world-but I can tell it's helped Mook (and probably the other gentleman too) understand a bit more about the birthing process. There are 2 women in the class that are the "needy" ones...I mean, I consider myself needy when I want questions answered about what is going on with Ron..but these two are over the top--they are always making us go over the class time (which is already 2 hours) and for some reason they just annoy the crap out of me. Ehh, blame it on hormones. I still have this itch to ask the teacher to talk about fertility treatments, because I just have this feeling that some of the other couples in the class have been through IF as well.
  

• Our Turkey Day holiday was nice--not as overwhelming as I thought it might be. We were in the car quite a bit, so that meant frequent pit-stops. The down-side to the holiday's for us was having my whole family, plus some extended family get incredibly sick Saturday afternoon/evening--Mook and I made the decision to Lysol everything, get in the car and go home--I hated leaving like that, but it came on so fast, and so fierce that I was scared to not be near my doctor if need be. I'm still praying we stay healthy.

• December 9th is approaching...I've been anxious about this appt for 10 weeks! I just wish I could force the worry out...but it's hard. Sometimes I find myself saying "OK, well if I still have the previa, I can schedule the c-section, and not worry about going through labor." I know that may sound strange to some--but because I am such a CONTROL freak-the whole "what if I am in labor?" and the act of laboring makes me nuts--because I have no control over it. But of course on the other hand, I want so much for the previa not to be an issue for many reasons. My diabetes test is also that day, so I'm really praying I don't get socked with multiple whammies.

• Work: after next week's appointment, I'm really going to have to buckle down and figure out what I am going to do. It's really starting to weigh on me when my boss and coworker are planning for me to be a major part of an event in late March...ummm, hello. I know I need to be very careful about my decision and plans, especially with the economy and having the blessing of a job at all right now. But I also don't want to make the wrong decisions based on financial fear.

• And a few things the pregnancy books don't tell you: how to properly get out of bed. I have the hardest time at night during my hourly bathroom visits--I've laughed at myself a few times. And why can't the books diagnosis every cramp/twinge I have? All it makes me think is: pre-term labor-gasp! And lastly, please tell me why my bra straps keep falling off--I have not had to increase in cup size yet, but have gotten those bra extender thingys--but even with those, I am constantly tugging up my straps all day long. It seriously might drive me insane.
  

• If one more person tells me: "Oh, you shouldn't be cold this time of year--you're pregnant!" I will burst. Well I AM COLD! I have such a hard time getting warm (partly due to my low blood pressure) and I'm miserable when I'm so cold. Those nightly showers and milkshakes are becoming a must, not an option (ok, I promise I dont have a milkshake every night) Please pardon the whining...just don't mess with me when I'm cold!

Hmm, I sound kinda sassy in this post--must be because I'm cold=) I'll check in after next week's appointment--I continue to think MOVING thoughts for the previa!