Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Earmarked

Remember in the "old days" when you would go on vacation and come home anxious to check the answering machine for messages from your friends or the stack of mail waiting to be sifted through?

My sister and I couldn't wait to see the red number flashing on the machine...I think when we were both teenagers, the record of messages was around 25. I think my parents wanted to rip out the phone right then and there.

Then there was the mail: I loved going through the huge pile that sat on the hutch by the front door. As I raced to unpack my portion of the car (had to unpack before listening or sifting) I'd imagine what magazines and letters I had waiting for me. I had great pen pals: camp friends, cousins, friends who had moved away. And then the magazines--ooh to see the new one just waiting to have the pages earmarked!

Well, cell phones have taken away the joy of anticipating the answering machine when I come home...and I doubt that in this stage of my life, any of my friends would call to tell me who they saw kissing so-and-so at the local pool...but you never know. :)

So I still cling to the excitement over the pile of mail that is waiting for me. It truly makes me giddy.



Sort of silly, since I can't just toss the bills, credit card applications, AKA: boring stuff, to the side anymore. But ohhhh do I look forward to the occasional letters, notes, cards, postcards, magazines.

I am happy to say that I had a few postcards, a letter, and two magazines. My favorite magazine was one of the two, so I put it to the side to enjoy after O-man went to sleep.

When I got to page 73 and saw a photo of a couple holding the hands of a child, I immediately focused on the title/subtitle:
my one and only
Should we have another child or leave well enough alone? 

A great, sincere article. So many of the author's words brought my emotions to the surface--especially the honest to God truth that family building can be halted by what she called "the nasty, shameful issue of money." Oh how I, along with many, can relate.

The last paragraph is a grouping of words that have me sitting up well past my bedtime:

"Or perhaps in another lifetime I will meet my other child, the one I won't be having.
Or she will come to me in a dream in this life, and we will live together every night,
after I fall asleep.
Yes, I say to myself, yes. It isn't that she doesn't exist.
It is just that she lives on the other side, and I will visit her and love her there." 

This may be a far stretch from the articles I used to earmark (How to Tell if Your Boyfriend Loves You!) but I'm so glad this magazine was in my anticipated mail pile today. It was just what I needed to read. 


19 comments:

  1. What mag was that article in? Would love to read it.

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  2. wow, what a very true statement. We love the child we may never have, as if he/she was right in front of us. I still remember a dream I had years ago in college about a little girl with black hair. I still see her in my mind so vividly and the amount of love I had for her in the dream still resonates. I've always imagined that was my little girl, just waiting for me. And I love LOVE B, whole-heartedly. But the child in my dreams, I miss her, having never known her more than in that moment.

    I would love to read that article as well.

    Lots of love as always to you, JJ. xoxo

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  3. Ladies, I updated the magazine in the post--forgot the link the first time--sorry about that! It's in the Sept. issue of Real Sim.ple

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  4. OH JJ, I'm awash in tears, those words are going to have me up tonight for sure.

    Even after the boys, it's the idea that never having another baby , I'm 40, the IF , etc...hurts me too...as moms we all feel that tug at our hearts you know??

    but for you, I know that that article was a gift that I am glad that the universe gave you....some hope, a new perspective, a place to imagine your 2nd child...you know I want you to hold that child in your arms...for real.

    love and hugs

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  5. I am emotional about more children these days. So much so, that reading that little snipit made me tear up. It's the question we are asking ourselves a lot these days. What about another? If we had unlimited money we would have a dozen, but what is best for us and for Henry. It's such a hard question when my heart wants more children.

    I think I will pick up Real Simple this weekend. Thanks!

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  6. I'm glad this came at such a needed time!

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  7. I love when you get the right thing at the right time. Hoping for peace for your heart, whatever path your family takes. xo

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  8. Love that paragraph you quoted. I immediately thought of the frozen embryos we have and how I will never meet these 'babies', at least not as children of my own...

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  9. Left mine at home so it'll be a must read when I get home. :)

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  10. I think I might have to go get a copy.

    But for some reason, I don't think the article will be written as beautifully as this post.

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  11. Your post and the article made me bawl for the second child who is in my heart but may never be in my arms. As time and cycles pass, I let go of the dream a little more. I don't know whether to be relieved or heartbroken all over again when I feel this happen.

    Thank you for sharing this article. I needed it too.

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  12. Wow...what a statement that is. It really resonates with me. I would love to read that article.

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  13. I love that magazine too. And what an amazing article.

    Thinking about you and Mook in the next chapter of your lives.

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  14. What a true article! I think anyone can relate to that. Glad that those words came to you at a needed time.

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  15. Two thumbs up. I needed to hear something like that right now.
    xoxo

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  16. My eyes are misty....

    I love that mag, too. I let my subscription run out until I catch up on my other mags.

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  17. That is my favorite magazine too! I read that same article and it touched me.

    I was so excited to come home from my vacation and find my two All You mags with all the coupons to organize. :) The sad boring life that is mine.

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