Sunday, August 8, 2010

Black With Grey Polka Dots

I've been in a funk...a pretty ugly one too.

Whenever I tell Mook I have a headache, he immediately says, "What color is it?" Ever heard of doing that? I say the first color that comes to mind--sometimes its purple with red stripes, yellow with blue swirls, or just plain pink. For some reason, it helps me identify the pain, and the headache goes away faster. Who knows why this works...the brain is a powerful, mysterious machine.

So although my funk is not a headache, it all originates in my brain and the color of this funk is: black with grey polka dots.

To battle this funk, I need to clear my brain of thoughts that I might otherwise just keep to myself or feel silly sharing. I was inspired by my friend spokeit and her honesty. Seems like perfect timing for me to do the same.

1. I take it really personally when a friendship dissolves or seems uncertain. Especially when I'm not sure why. It's happened with blog and IRL relationships recently, and it just stinks.

2. I have such a love-hate relationship with Facebook. It makes me feel great when I reconnect with an old friend, but I hate that most times I log-out feeling like it's one big high school lunch room.

3. I have a new obsession. Chocolate covered marshmallows. These caught my eye in the grocery store the other week, and I convinced myself I needed to try them. I'm embarrassed to tell you I have gone through at least 8 bags.

4. O-man is starting a pre-school program in 3 weeks. I have so many emotions about this. I feel like I'm sending him off to college.

5. I over analyze a lot. A lot. 

6. I have let out many heavy sighs over some of my favorite blogs closing, or just not seeing posts anymore. It's like reaching the last few pages of a great book, and you don't want to turn the page because you want to treasure those last words.

7. Speaking of blogs, I am more aware that my blog purpose is changing. Since we are in limbo land as far as what our family plans are, I am now a "Parenting after IF" and general goofy stuff blog. And I'm finally OK with that.

8. I worry about money all the time.

9. I need to put on my iPod and sing like I'm in the American Idol finale, at least once a week. It clears my head and lets good juju in.

10. I find it easier to talk myself into doing something I don't want to do, by doing that thing for someone else. Confused? My lab needs to loose some weight--she's been eating too many of O-man's leftovers. But really, I'm the one that needs the exercise. But I get to say she's the one on the Dog Diet when we go walking. Wink, wink.

Whew, I feel better already. The fog is lifting....please feel free to release your funky stuff too. Let it go here, and leave it with my funky stuff.

I enjoyed the time Mook was able to be at home last week--and since I didn't have my surgery, we've been able to cross multiple items off the Honey-Do-House-List. We've made time for some fun things, too: Children's Museum, watching the O-man eat his first Freeze Pop, cooking out and spending time in those chairs I mentioned!

Gotta sign off--Oman likes for EVERYTHING to be closed these days. No doors are safe, and apparently neither is my lap top....


  1. Maybe I should start giving my gloom colors to make it go away faster. :)

    1 - I also worry about money too much.
    2 - I am sick and tired of worrying about money so much.
    3 - I am tired of clutter, but can't seem to do anything about it.
    4 - I am tired of my weight, but also can't seem to do anything about it consistently. Maybe I need a dog. :)
    5 - I also have some strained relationships that pain me, but...
    6 - I have some blog relationships that are flourishing and are about to get better in person!! :)

    The "other" J (wink, wink)

  2. So sorry you're in a funk. I think you have every right to be these days. Those marshmallows look divine. I think I'll stay away though. The just might be too divine.

    Sending you rainbow thoughts and sunshine-y wishes to chase away the funk!


  3. 1- BigP announced that we won't be able to cycle next month due to money issues (~$1300 a month/cycle and we are completely out of pocket)
    2- I still haven't spoken to my Mother. Not that I want to but the fact that she hasn't even reached out to me has added a new level of hurt.
    3- A bird flew into my car on the way to church this morning. Pretty sure he didn't make it. I sat in the church parking lot crying and then drove away.

    Apparently I need to blog myself...

  4. So true on the face book thing. Sometimes I seriously don't know what to say. I have a friend who is dating (and professing her love) for a guy that was my best friends husband until he cheated on her (not with the other friend). I also have a cousin who usually only contacts me on facebook anymore and I always feel judged by her.
    I've felt a bit like I don't know where my life is going lately and it is difficult. I don't know where my blog is going either.
    Worrying about money and all that is walking along hand in hand with it is consuming me right now.
    My weight at the moment is one of the few things I really feel good about but it's very frustrating that food is pretty much not really enjoyable anymore.
    Potty training puppies sucks.

  5. I looked at those same marshmallows at the store but didn't buy them. Perhaps I shall next week...

  6. Sorry about the bad mood lately. I think it comes and goes for everyone,but it makes it no easier when it's you to know that.

    My funk lately is just tiredness mixed with people-suckiness.

  7. I clicked over to say I was sorry about your funk but then got distracted by those marshmellows. I must try them. And then I need to convince someone to take those and combine them with the toasted coconut marshmellows. Now that would be funk-lifting!

    Hope getting it out helped

  8. Glad you got that stuff off your chest...

    Miles also had to close everything these days...

  9. Glad you were able to get it off your chest--you can count on us to listen!!

    I can sympathize about the money worry. I am also worrying about money a lot.

    I have issues with my brother and how he basically ignores me and my children for his in-laws--even tho we are in the same state.

    I am constantly worrying about my weight issues.

    I worry about my husband and his health.

    Wishing you an end to the funk!

  10. I'm sorry about your funk!!! Seems I'm in one, too.

    1- I am so overweight that I have stopped looking in full length mirrors, but I have no desire to do anything about it b/c I hate to exercise and I love to eat. UGH!

    2-My relationship with DH is strained right now, but I think it's b/c I'm so insecure due to my weight which means no sex. We argue all the time, and I don't know that I've ever felt so alone.

    3-I have gotten so lazy (see #1)and spend way too much time on the computer.

    4-I shop to make myself feel better. I don't buy super expensive things, and I know there will be an arguement about the finances when DH balances the checkbook, but that doesn't stop me. Somehow buying something (not clothes...see #1), even if it's not for me, makes me feel so much better, for a while anyway.

    Thanks for letting me vent! Just wanted you to know that you aren't the only one in a funk, and I didn't want you to feel alone. ;)

    Sorry I'm commenting as Anonymous. I didn't want to completely blow my cover. lol

  11. i have never heard the color trick. I get far too many headaches and I need to try that sometime.

    i hate when relationships disolve. i always feel responsible for some reason.
    also, i always worry about money. always.
    glad you guys got to spend some QT together this week.
    thinking rainbow thoughts for you

  12. I can only imagine the ambivalence of sending O-man off to preschool. More free time = yes! More free time = Boo!
    No words of comfort I can pass on will help, but 1.5 months into daycare, I can say at least the ambivalence gets tolerated.

  13. I can identify with a lot of these things. Worrying about money too much, over-analyzing stuff. But putting on the iPod and singing like I'm an American Idol finalist makes it ALL seem better. I don't know about you, but my AI audition song will either be Chain of Fools by Aretha Franklin or Proud Mary, Ike & Tina style.

  14. Oh goodness...I over analyze to the point I analyze over analyzing. For Real. I stress over money, or lack thereof. I don't feel close to my husband most of the time and he annoys me beyond explanation. I hate my body. I am frustrated that I can't stay motivated to do what needs to be done in my house(or what I want to get done in my house). I have never wanted to truly kill someone until my BIL screwed my sister over (and was joined by his family) and now she is in a complete breakdown parenting 2 children while he plays army in another country and screwing whoever he wants, while taking money from my sister. The list goes on.

    I agree about FB. Some days I consider shutting it down, but then there are days that I love it for the fact of being able to keep up with special friends;)

    Singing with your iPod is a great idea! I currently have my Pandora playing (toddler toons) and find even singing with those songs makes me smile:-) Hey, we could do a bracesbunch mix of us singing!:-)

    Love you girl. Love you to pieces. And I hope the funk turns to funkaaay soon. xoxo

  15. sounds like we are soul sisters my friend.
    Lately, I'm so anxious I can't stand it...
    and it's summer and as much as I want to be outside, reading and getting some sun, I swear on the weekends, I'd rather take a nap and catch up on my DVR stuff with hubby. Talk about a "Loser".

    and as for relationships etc, I feel the way you do,. it's a double edge..isn't it??

    my life has been grey with sky blue polka dots I know that the good is there, but the FOG keeps bogging it down.

    Hugs, make those polka dots PINK. :)

  16. I'm glad your funk is clearing! Sometimes it just takes a few days of sitting with the ick to make things better.

    I don't have much specific funk lately. I'm just tired (it's Monday) and sick of the heat. :)

  17. Go you on the pre-school! I was thinking about doing it this fall, but I think I'll wait until next fall. Let me know how he likes it though, and maybe I'll reconsider. He has so much fun with other kids and exploring, that maybe he wants that sort of thing? I many choices!!!

    Also, chocomallows? WANT

  18. Sometimes it's nice to unleash the stuff that is wondering in your brain!

    I will have to try the choc covered marshmellows. Yummy!

  19. Here's one that a lot of mom's hate to admit to...

    "Some days I just don't want to be a mom."

    So happy the funk is lifting. Some days I think funks come around to make us love the times when they aren't around even more.

  20. I think you need to come and see me for a nice chat and a head rub. That will make your headache woes go away. Im big and fat now!! woohoo

  21. Sorry the funk is funking with you! Glad though you are a bit better.

    I fear there is not enough comment space to post my funks!

    But.... my biggest one - returning to work - period. I want to quit. I would love to blog about it but can't seem to find the words or time (so I guess that is point number two).

  22. The preschool will be good - for both of you - but it might be a little hard at first. I can well understand your mixed emotions. Sorry you're in a funk, and especially sorry about the dissolving friendship thing. I wouldn't wish that on anyone - it's so hard.

  23. I'm in a funk too. Mine seems to give me writers block.

    I'm sorry you're feeling this way. *hugs*

  24. Hey there,

    Don't have time to post much, but just wanted to send some hugs your way and to thank you for the introduction of those chocolate covered marshmallows. I need them like yesterday.

    Oh, and I worry about money all the time too :) I may actually steal this seems very therapeutic.

    Longer email coming from me soon.


  25. Thanks for you honesty. hopefully soon you can feel pink again. I will write a list too, at work now. HUGS

  26. - Some days I miss so much being married and all the routine that comes with it that my heart breaks all over again when i think about the divorce
    - I am learning not to over analyze
    - I am not sure if I should stay here or come back to Brazil
    - My boss is driving me crazy
    - i feel so offended that my ex mother in law and all my in laws just completely forgot about Lyla and I, as if we never existed before
    - I am afraid that i will never be loved again
    - I feel "envious" when I hear about second baby announcements and I wonder: Will I ever be able to have a baby again????
    - I lied the other day: a radon person in a birthday party asked me if "my husband' was from Brazil too. I just said yes, i had no energy to say the words, I am divorced
    - I have body image issues
    - the post divorce dating thing is HARDDDDDDDDDDD
    - I wish some times that Lyla looked a little more like me so i did not have to see her dad's face every day. i feel guilty about thinking this way, because she is perfect the way she is
    - I am grieving the loss of many friendships too
    - I have 40+ friends request at FB that i am just ignoring . I want to feel safe, not have to worry if what I say will turn in gossip or people will judge me
    - I am both afraid and excited about the future

  27. I'm in a massive funk right now, too. Money is a big source of my frustrations... SIGH. Why does everything in life have to cost so much?

    I have pondered shutting my FB account down entirely about a million times over the years. It leaves me feeling so disappointed so often.


  28. I think I could take your entire list and post it as my own.

    Hope the funk lifts for you soon.

  29. Go gone you nasty purple, black, red, orange beast.

    I'm a thinker, a worrier. I often wonder if the new grey hairs that appear are as a result of my predisposition. I also wonder if it will affect my health long term.

    We are so alike, that's why we get on so well!!

    Hope you feel upbeat soon Sis. Love you xoxo

  30. I worry about money all the time, too. I also worry that switching careers has put me behind permanently. I worry about the kids and I worry! hahaha I think it does help to write down your worries. That's really interesting about the headache colors. I need to try that....

  31. Hey JJ...sorry I've been absent in the comments. I've been thinking about you a lot and reading a bit. I think I am finally caught back up to reality and I hope I won't miss out anymore.

  32. OMG. Chocolate covered marshmallows are THE BOMB! (are the kids still saying that these days? no matter, they are the bomb even if it's passe to say so!) There was this candy store back home that would make them on sticks and then roll them in M&Ms or coconut or nuts or other candies. Soooo good!

    The cure for uncertain blog friendships? An NC blogger meetup! I think it's about time for another one (and about time for you and I to consider meeting up for lunch or a coffee or something-- once I get a better idea of the boys' schedule, let's find a time, hopefully one where my screamy-barfers won't be in the midst of a screamy-barf-fest!).

    As for my funky stuff?

    I need a run! I really, really need to pound out a few miles, clear my head, de-stress, etc. Alternately, I need a nice, long soak in the tub! Hey, maybe I'll try for BOTH one of these days!


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