Mini-Vaca!

Thanks to all who left such wonderful comments to our last post-it is great to have a support community!

Last Friday was a toughie. It was hard to let Mook know the news-I sort of felt like the Grimm Reaper...not a whole lot I can do to make that sort of news any more "light-hearted." I did make one comment that made me want to shrink down in my seat..."Well, hey-at least I will never have to go back on birth control!" Nice....realllllll nice. Sorry about that Mook. I stick by my thankful comment last time about Mook-although it hit him a bit harder this time, he's still sticking this out with me. We aren't out of the woods as far as injured pride or feelings, as I am sure we will have to be prodded and poked more than we ever thought was legal as things progress with this journey.

I am on C.D 13 today...still no po.s.itive O..PK, but I'm starting to get the signs--lower temp, egg-whites and all that jazz. We got the pre..seed in the mail, so we will see how that goes! So maybe, just *maybe* we will get lucky this month? Went to the dermatologist today-since going off the BCP, my acne has come back to haunt me from my teenage years--yuck! Of course the doc said I was very limited to my options due to our TTC. She gave me a prescription for Em.ycin and Amp.icillin. Anyone use either of these?

Speaking of lucky--we celebrated Mardi Gras on Tuesday by having a Fat.Tuesday meal at our house--Mook has been before--and loved it! Hopefully I will make it sometime soon...I hear it's just bigger and better after Katrina! So we served traditional jambalaya and Mook made a King Cake. And guess who got the piece of cake with the baby.............me! Could it be a sign of good fortune for us....I'd like to think so!

We leave tomorrow for a mini-vacation that we both desperately need! Let's just say we are traveling to a place where we might get "lucky" in more ways than one! We won't be ignoring our current situation, but we will not be discussing it in any great detail: this is our time to relax and enjoy before more doctor's appointments next month!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Plan B

I am a planner. I believe in carrying my day-timer with me at all times. I consider myself very organized. I always think ahead--trying to make sure I have prepared myself in case my "plan" goes astray. Sometimes too much so--right, Mook?

I bring up this fact since today is one of the days we have to put "Plan B" into action.

First let me say:

1. I am thankful for the doctor and nurses at my OBGYN. They really have been top-notch. They call me. They answer all my questions and don't sound annoyed when doing so. Mook's doctor has been good too-a little on the spacey side sometimes, but I am thankful for his staff too, for getting his information over to my doc in a timely manner.
2. I am thankful for the support of our family. I honestly don't think we'd be handling all this so well if it weren't for them.
3. I am thankful for my husband in more ways than I can explain. He has been so patient, so willing to do "whatever it takes" to get us through to the other side, and he has not made this an "ego" issue: never saying "why me" or "I am the one to blame" I respect him immensely for that. If the shoe were on the other foot, I can't say I would be as "grown-up" about it--I would probably we wallowing in self-pity more than I'd like to admit.
4. I am thankful for our over-all health. Bottom line: things could be a lot worse. So I need to thank my lucky stars every day.

So what is Plan B? This plan involves us going back to the doctor (my OBGYN) sooner than we thought.

I received a call from my OBGYN's nurse, Chris, this morning. I was sort of surprised to hear from her since I didn't have any upcoming appointments, and we were in "no-worries, mon" mode for the next three months. The reason for her calling me was to let me know that they had received Mook's 2nd analysis, and said: "Honey, we need to get you all in here for the next step." *Gulp*

She proceeded to walk me through the nitty-gritty of Mook's latest results. They were actually a little lower than what Mook's doctor had told him over the phone. Count is 24 million-still better than the first round. But the motility is very, very low. His guys aren't on a mission. They are happy just floating about. Morphology is abnormal too. The the biggest blow: "After running your numbers and doing our analysis of your health, your chance of conceiving on your own is 2%"

Yikes.

Yes, that was a hard thing to hear. Mentally, it is still sinking in. But in the back of my mind (well, not even really the back--still lodged in my frontal lobe) was the knowledge that we might not be "natural-baby-makers." But there is always a possibility--I don't want to give that up!

We have an appointment for March 7th for Mook and I to meet with my OBGYN to discuss our "plan of action." I did find out from Chris 2 very good things about an RE. There is one that is affiliated with Duke who comes to an office in Greensboro every two weeks. AND there is one that Dr. Davis usually works with that is in High Point--which is only 20 minutes from us! So that is great news-not having to trek 45 minutes to an hour each time we need to meet with the RE or have any procedures done.

So that's where we are: Mook and I have a lot of talking to do this weekend. We are headed to VA to visit my family for the weekend-which will give us added support. Chris and Dr. Davis have already hinted that we might want to bypass IUI and go straight to IVF with the numbers we are looking at. I need our IF community to help us out here--have some of you bypassed IUI all together? What are your feelings on going straight to IVF? Lots of thoughts to toss around. We are still only given a 20% chance each time of IUI, so it seems iffy to me. Share any thoughts/experiences/advice. I am like a sponge!

Not the best of days, but not the worst. We are one step closer....

Silver lining...

*Ohhhh I could scream! I just had a whole post typed out, and our power went out at work-it saved the first half somehow! Ahh well, here we go again!*

******************************************

Happy Valentines Day! I have a very sweet husband who never needs a reminder for the "Hallmark Holiday!" When I got to work this morning there were 2 boxes waiting for me, and then about 2 hours later, 2 more were delivered! Each contained the "little things" that I love so much-and a sweet Disney Valentine with each one. My co-workers came in to ooohh and ahhh over it, and they joked saying "wait until you have been married twenty years!" Well, I have no doubt that my sweetie will remember for the next twenty plus years to make me feel loved!

-end of mushy stuff-

DH (hmmm, I am going off on a tangent here to see if I can't think of a more personal/fun moniker to call my hubby.....still thinking....got it! From now on I shall refer to the DH as "Mook" He'll understand why!)

Anyway, thank you all for the advice/information/comments about Pre-Seed. I don't think it will hurt us to try, so anything that gives us a little more edge, is worth a shot! We should get it in time for us to try it out this cycle, so we shall see!

Mook had his second "romance in a cup" session yesterday AM. He had to leave work, which is already becoming an issue, which will have to deal with as time goes. The lab we go to is located in one of our local hospitals, so our thinking was surely they will have "rooms" or at least a private bathroom that could be used. No such luck...back to the parking lot. The first round, I was with him so I could at least "keep watch." I couldn't be with him this time around, so he had to be extra vigilant and in his words "everyone and their mother was at the hospital this morning." Nice.
He called on the way back to work, "The mission is complete." After thanking him again for being so willing to go through all this, we agreed just to wait until Friday when his next appointment was to find out these results along with his blood results.

Well we didn't have to wait long! One of the things I have been impressed about this lab/doc is that they get back to us in a very timely manner. Mook got a call on his cell phone about 1pm with his blood results and the most recent analysis. Blood tests are all good: YAY! The testosterone was right on the border line of being slightly low, but doc said we can re-test that if need be in a few months. The even better news is that the little spermies have gone "substantially" up! Last count was 5 million, and yesterday it was up to 27 million: YAY! While it is still low compared to the normal range, we were thrilled to hear that! The motility and morphology are the same as last time, which are still not in the normal range, but at least now we have more to work with! Doc said we had 2 options at this point: a) he can go ahead and refer us to one of two specialists (one is at UNC, one is at Duke-the only 2 in the state--ugg. And Mook is a hard core Devil's fan, so guess where we won't be going) and b) let nature take its course for the next 3 months and come back for a 3rd "romance in a cup" session. We unanimously picked option b. Since we have the Pre-Seed coming, Mook's count is up,we are going to look into Pycnogenol (thanks Kirsten!), while still taking daily vitamins-so we will do the thing we hate most: wait. But we both feel that it is the right choice for now. I will have to remind myself to look back at this post three months from now!

Now that the 2nd results are in, let me take a moment to mention 2 things: when Mook was 2, he had hernia repair surgery. I have read on several blogs that this was the case in some of the male factor infertility issues-whether it was the reason, or simply a coincidence. My question is, why don't more doctors that treat this in the child tell the parents to have the child go for a check up every few years? Mook's parents never thought twice about it-until recently when we told them about all that is going on. I could see the look of concern on their faces--but really, they didn't know any better. And I am not a doctor--so I don't know if it would be possible to at least see if problems were starting to develop. And where our current urologist doesn't seem to think that his surgery has any corelation to what he is experiencing now (since both his exams were normal-no signs of clumped veins or blockage) I will definitely be bringing this up if and when we see a specialist.

2nd thing: At the beginning of January, Mook went in for a yearly physical (yes, poor thing has really been through the ringer lately) and mentioned at his appointment that he had been having severe heart burn for the past few months--and off and on since he was a teenager. Sure enough they found the H. pylori bacteria in his blood, and prescribed the PrevPac to treat it. Well-this stuff is $$$(thank goodness for insurance!). He had to take 4 pills twice a day-which contain prevacid, amoxicillin and biaxin-all of which have been linked to articles on infertility. Mook made sure to ask at his appointment and again at the pharmacy if it would affect fertility--we got "no" both times. But it is pretty fishy to me that his first analysis was done when he was on the 8-pill-a-day regimen, and his 2nd analysis was done while he is only taking prevacid. Coincidence? I have asked that this be put on his file and that our urologist look more into this not only for us-but for other couples as well.

Whew, another whopper of an entry. But, we got our silver lining--and while the journey is still "new" we are thankful for this good news!

Pre~Seed?

I decided if I did indeed start this month (which I did yesterday...*sigh) that we would try the lubricant Pre-Seed -have heard it has benefits to keep the sperm alive, and provide a less "irritable" experience if I happen to have less "egg-white" mucus around O time.

Has anyone used this/heard good or bad things about it? I did ask my OBGYN when I went in for my HSG--he said that obviously that natural mucus is best, but that he didn't have enough information to tell me one way or another.

I have read several accounts on the website reviews that it has been a great purchase (but I guess their website would not promote any bad publicity!) So, I turn to others in the community to see if anyone can share some knowledge! Thanks in advance...

......................................

Our weekend was nice and relaxing--got a lot done around the house. Visited with friends and family. We did decide to tell DH's parents this weekend about what we have been going through. They came up to have lunch with us today, and since we had the opportunity to tell them in person, we decided that was best. My family has known for a while now--I rely on my mom for a lot of advice and comfort! And not that we wanted to "keep" it from his parents--we just didn't want to create more emotions than need be, and thought they might be more prone to be upset since the uncertainty in all this stems from what we find out about DH's results. But I think we were both pleasantly surprised-I saw a few tears build up in both their eyes, but they had nothing but positive encouraging words for us. I think we both feel more at ease when our families know what we are going through, since we value family so much and are very lucky to have a lot of love and support.

We are having friends over to watch the Grammy's tonight--off to get dressed up for our "red carpet" event!

Into the rabbit hole...

Journal: a daily written record of (usually personal) experiences and observations

And so it begins: the documentation of the journey we began in July 2006 to expand our family!

Over the past few weeks, my husband and I have learned more than we ever thought we would need to know--and as many of you know--it is overwhelming! One of the comforts that our generation has is the immediate resources of the Internet; although these resources are not always the most comforting! But I was fortunate to come across a wealth of information and personal journals of couples going through similar situations. What a relief! And I say that in a way that I know my fellow bloggers will understand: I do not wish for any of us to experience these difficulties, but there is a power in numbers, as they say. Support in any shape or form is a true blessing.

We both look forward to getting to know more about what other couples have gone through, and hopefully we will also be a source of knowledge for others. Our ultimate goal is to have this journal as a reflection in times of sorrow, joy and hopefully some day our child will be able to look back on this incredible journey--and see the love that started from the very beginning!

Let me do a bit more to introduce the couple that wants to pass on the family "jeans"!

I come from a family of 3 children, my husband is an only child. We knew from the beginning of our relationship that we wanted to have at least one little bambino to call our own...and with some convincing, I have talked my hubby into at least two! We were married in October of 2005, and knew we wanted some "peace and quiet" for at least a while--so we planned to start trying after a year. I have been on some sort of birth control for 13 years (up until July) and was a bit concerned that my body might have a hard time of going off all those hormones so quickly...so off I came in July, and we waited until November to start our journey. Right off the bat, we both were thinking about our "August Born Baby" because it would just be easy to get pregnant the first try, right?! Oh what a lesson...

So we tried again...and again...and again. Now you may be already thinking: "You have only tried 4 months! That's not long enough to start worrying!" Well, I have always had a good "sixth" sense...I just had a feeling that something wasn't quite right. I grew up on birth control, due to painful periods and "possible" thyroid and cyst problems, and the painful periods were back in full force. Must be something wrong with me! I made an appointment and went in to get the "full service."

Let me just say I hate waiting. And that's a LOT of what this journey is about. Waiting. My doctor was quick to tell me that a LOT of waiting would go into this whole process...great. However, I am lucky to have a doctor that (so far) is very willing to help us along in the baby game. He immediately feared I might have some endometriosis...but that test was not to be done 1st. He scheduled me for an ultrasound, some blood work (TSH and Rubella), and an HSG. All this was done last month...and at the same time, we decided to get DH (dear husband) tested as well--might as well go all in!

Well, I think we were both surprised. My plumbing seems to be in good shape. I am ovulating on schedule, and had clear tubes! The DH results were not as encouraging...and very scary to both of us, since we had no prior knowledge of things that could go wrong on the male side.

Initial results are low morphology, a 5 million count, and only 25% of those are "normal" We dont have the other exact numbers yet-we are waiting for the 2nd test which will be next week. Poor DH had his first prostate exam...I still don't think he's forgiven me for that. And bless his heart, had another "hand up the rear" when he went back for his follow up. I got the look you get when you take your dog to the vet "BUT I LOVE YOU-why are you doing this to meeee"

2nd analysis to be done this coming Tuesday--oh how romantic can you get in the hospital parking lot? Not very. But we shall prevail! Blood tests should be ready that day too--and we go back for our 3rd appointment with the urologist on the 16th. Then we either get referred to a specialist, or who knows....

So here we are. A couple who continues to imagine a little one in our lives...and we just pray every day we will have that opportunity. I read on a fellow blog that this situation either rips a marriage apart or makes it strong as steel. Steel aint got nothing on us....