Thursday, October 11, 2007


"Where there is hope for the future, there is power in the present."


Thanks to my wonderful, supportive mom for sharing such a great reminder. She heard this in a sermon while they were trying to get pregnant with me. My mom has been very supportive since we started this journey, and I want to share a snippet of an email she sent me this week--one of the most powerful connections I have ever felt to my sweet mommy....

"....I have always felt your yearning, but it just really hit me hard for you the other night....I could just truly, truly feel and sense your emotions Sunday night. Also, yesterday I got out the diary I started for you when I found out I was pregnant with you. It brought back sooooo many memories.....memories I can't wait for you to have.....it reaffirmed for me that it will happen for you. I don't know when, but I just know in my mommy heart it will."


The reason for the emotions on Sunday night: our best friends came over Sunday afternoon to let their 5-year-old check out our Halloween decorations...we did our usual small chit-chat, I showed her the awesome wine-cooler Mook got me for our anniversary (this sucker holds 40 bottles!) and since she's my wine buddy, I told her she could come partake anytime...well, that's when the news was announced. She started crying...and then, I just knew.

Pregnant.


Mook had actually known for about a week--they wanted to be sensitive to what we have been through, and I really do appreciate it. There are friendly fertiles out there=) We knew they were trying-so it helped pad the shock a little-and they weren't sure she'd be able to--she's had some medical issues since having her 1st.

Of course I burst into tears when they left--SO bittersweet for me. I was so thankful for their gentle way of telling me, but so sad that it wasn't me sharing the news, and reinforced my struggle with being idle. Mook came back inside to find me sobbing in the "extra" bedroom...he thought I might be mad at him
for not preparing me--but I wasn't at all. I knew he needed the time to process the news as well--he said he came home that night after they told him and cried--well of course that made me cry harder. We just sat side by side for a while, feeling such mixed emotions. Later that evening, we shared a toast over 2 glasses of wine, both of us saying the exact same thing: "To what lies ahead..."

We are heading into the mountains to celebrate our anniversary...and enjoy some happy emotions!

:Trying to gain power in the present:



61 comments:

  1. Your post made me cry--I know the feeling all too well. I'm so glad your friends were sensitive about it. I hope you have a wonderful vaca!

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  2. I feel for you, because I have been there. Happy anniversary and have such a wonderful, HAPPY time!

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  3. JJ,

    Your post brought tears to my eyes because I know what that feels like and it just plain sucks. It is so hard to be happy for someone else but sad for yourself. Because no matter how much you love that person, you can't help but feel jealous. Not in the mean jealous sort of way, but in what I think is worse, I feel so bad for me sort of way.

    But you did what only the strong can do...you picked yourself up, shook off and toasted the road ahead. Do not underestimate your strength. You are just beginning to unlock the truth about yourself.

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  4. Tearing up here. How bittersweet.

    And what a wonderful mother you have.

    *hug* Thinking of you as always, hon.

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  5. JJ - I am so sorry that you and Mook had to go through that, both alone and together. I'm glad you'll be getting away for some good anniversary snuggle time this weekend. Plus, it should be nice and cool in the evenings!

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  6. JJ- I just pray for you ... Sending you virtual hugs and thoughts for you trip to the mountains. You are an amazing person. Thank you for your wonderflly honest,teary posts like today.

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  7. happy anniversary! i hope you have a wonderful trip.

    i'm glad your friends are sensitive to what you and Mook are going through...it's so hard to hear that news. glad you have such a fantastic momma too!

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  8. I have to stop blogging at work...I now cry here way too much.

    Sorry you were in that situation, we've all been there and it just plain sucks. Sometimes all you can do it cry it out.

    Have a wonderful anniversary weekend away. That wine cooler sounds like a great present, I need to drop some hints to Mr H

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  9. Your mother is a precious lady... That's so sweet of her to be thinking about you and praying for you like that. You are blessed.

    I'm sorry about the friend. Even friends I was SO GLAD to get pregnant I cried over their news. It's normal.

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  10. Happy anniversary! To what lies ahead...

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  11. I was tearing up reading your post sweetie. It is so hard...on one hand I love your friends for being so caring, but I feel for you and what you yearn to have.

    I love what your mommy said and I hope with all my heart her predictions come true soon.

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  12. I've been there many a time. It is good that you can go to Mook when you are feeling that way. Hope that you have a wonderful getaway and Happy Anniversary!

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  13. I'm so sorry. :( Your mother sounds like such a sweet person. I'm glad she "got it," although I'm so sorry how Sunday went. Your friends do sound kind and sensitive. I'm glad you have fertiles like that in your life, who do care and do try. Have a wonderful anniversary!

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  14. I love your mom! That has to be one of the sweetest things. I hope you enjoy your anniversary!

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  15. I hope you have a fantastic time in the mountains with your mook, happy anniversary :)

    XXXXXXXX

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  16. Oh those darn announcements are just so hard!

    Here's to a happy anniversary to you and I hope you enjoy your time away and come back renewed, refreshed, and re-happy.

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  17. have a good time. you two deserve a break.

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  18. I'm sitting here in tears. I'm so sorry you've had to endure another pregnancy announcement before you're able to make yours. I think you and Mook shared a very sweet and intimate moment in the "extra" room. That tells so much about your relationship. What a blessing!!! Happy Anniversary JJ!!!! Y'all have a GREAT time!!!

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  19. Your post was so touching. It's wonderful to have people in your life that have compassion for what you're going through.

    Happy Anniversary! Have a great time in the mountains.

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  20. Sounds like you have a fabulous mother! I'm hoping you have a peaceful time together on your anniversary vacation.

    Enjoy!

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  21. I know just what you're going through, as one of my closest friends right now is currently pregnant. It's definitely hard. I hope you have a wonderful and safe trip and a very happy anniversary! HUGS!

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  22. what wonderful love from your mom AND mook - it's hard when pain brings people together through love but better than not having that love to bear you through.

    Wishing you all the best and hope you have a great weekend...

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  23. Enjoy your vacation! I hope you can leave everything IF related at home and just enjoy each other!

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  24. oh JJ....I can't stand it when hubby cries...that would have broken your heart. =)

    Your'e right, at least they were sensitive to your situation.

    And, great you can tell your mum things like that. I don't think we will be telling anyone...at least not at first. Makes us too vulnerable...

    anyway - Happy Anniversay!

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  25. I want your mom.

    I completely understand your feelings for your friend. It hurts but it hurts even more for wanting it to be you. Where we are SUCKS!

    Just to let you know, I am not going anywhere for a long time. I just found out I am going to have to wait for another month for my insurance switch. SUCKS!

    We can always be wine friends via internet.

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  26. Your mom is so sweet. I guess that is where you get it from.

    I am sorry you were blindsided by the news. It hurts even if you are truely happy for your friend.

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  27. Your post made me start crying. I loved what your mom wrote in her email to you. And how sweet is your honey? You are just so lucky to have people like this is your life who can support in these beautiful and thoughtful ways.

    Wishing you a wonderful anniversary, you lucky girl.

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  28. I'm crying reading your post. (I see I am in good company with all the other commentors) It does suck. I just had some friends who went off the pill last month and she just told me yesterday that she's pregnant. She did tell me in a nice way but it still stings. I believe that we are good people and good things happen to good people. There is a reason we are on this journey. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. I really and truly believe with all my heart that good things are to come. Hang in there and chin up and all that good stuff. Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

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  29. Awww, you're making me all teary. I just soooo get it when they're nice about it, but it's still not you. It's still not your turn. When will it ever be your turn?

    Have a wonderful weekend and drink up - you deserve it:-)

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  30. I'm glad you have so many sweet, caring people in your life. Enjoy your trip.

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  31. What a bittersweet moment.

    It is great that you have such support from your mom, though.

    Have a good weekend!

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  32. Even when we are happy for those who get to move ahead, we are still sad that we are left at the starting gate.

    To what lies ahead...

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  33. funny, i was in the middle of reading this when you commented on mine. what stands out for me most about this post is how wonderful your mook is. it must make both the hoping for the fiuture and finding power in the present much easier to have him by your side. happy anniversary and have a wonderful trip!

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  34. Dear JJ, my heart aches for you. I remember being the one crying over pregnancy announcements. The pain is still fresh, so I can relate to your tears my friend. I was very touched by your mom's e-mail. I am so glad that you have her support. Like her, I know it will happen for you...
    Hugs

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  35. I hope you can enjoy your time away for your anniversary. May it renew your love and hope in the future.

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  36. I admit it...I cried. I felt the words of your mom--my mom has said something similar. It's great that you have such sensitive friends, and I can see how the mixed emotions would be hard to deal with at times.

    I hope you have a great anniversary with happy moments to make happy memories and give you renewed strength with your hubby.

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  37. Pregnancy announcements are rough. I hope you have a good weekend.

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  38. ((hugs))

    JJ your post made me cry. I hate that you and your hubby are goign through this, still.

    I'm glad to hear you have such supportive friends and a great mommy.

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  39. Beautiful.

    I hope you enjoy your trip! Happy Anniversary!

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  40. Wow. I know exactly how you feel. I am so sorry hun, but we'll all have our day too...and it will just be that much sweeter because we had to work so hard to get it. ;)

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  41. Happy Anniversary to you. I hope you find fun, peace, and comfort on your trip. Have fun! Your mom sounds simply amazing!

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  42. I am sorry that you had to hear about your friend. That stuff is just never taken easily.

    I hope that you and Mook are fully enjoying your weekend away. Happy Anniversary!

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  43. what a moving post, I know how you feel too; I think many of us know. I just love what your mom had to say, and how wonderful is it that's she's so supportive of you! Happy anniversary! Have an awesome trip!

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  44. Pregnancy announcements are always so bittersweet. I'm so sorry, JJ. I really hope that you are able to make that announcement very soon.

    thinking of you...

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  45. Wow, your mom is such a great woman. What a lovely email.

    I'm sorry about the bittersweet announcement. I know what it is like to want to be happy for someone but still battle your own grief. I hate what IF does to us.

    I'm sending you lots of hugs. (((HUGS))) I hope you have a fantastic anniversary and can find some peace in the mountains.

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  46. I'm tearing up too. I'm sending hugs your way.

    Your mother sounds like an amazing woman and it is beautiful that she is so supportive.

    I don't have any wine handy but I have a cup of tea *raises cup* "To what lies ahead"

    I hope you had a lovely weekend.

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  47. Here's hoping your anniversary get away was rejuvenating and peaceful!

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  48. oh jj...
    what a wonderfully candid post. just keep remembering what your wise ol' mom said. it WILL happen for you... feel the power in the present...

    and have a very, very happy anniversary!!

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  49. Ugh. It's really hard isn't it to be happy for your friend and sad for yourself. Even confusing! Well chin up my friend, I think you and I will both have our turns VERY soon!

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  50. Happy Anniversary to you and Mook. I know that the deep love you share will go a long way to helping you in the hard times as well as the good. Wishing you many, many good times today and always!

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  51. Thanks for all of your support through the IUI and now the 2WW. I hope you had a good trip!

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  52. I'm crying too. What a sad but powerful story. I hope you enjoyed your anniversary.

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  53. That can be tough news to take. You are lucky to have such sensitive friends.

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  54. ~hugs~ I say to you through the tears your post made me develop. ~hugs~ to you.

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  55. That sounds like an incredibly painful moment. I am sure that I would have cried too.

    Glad you are getting away for your anniversary.

    Let's try to support each other if we are cycling at the same time. I know that I could use the help!

    XOXO

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  56. I don't know what to say, just that it is super special that you and Mook can cry together about things like this. Infertility sucks big time, but having someone sharing the load, makes it a little bit easier to get up and tackle yet another day.

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  57. I know how hard it is to hear someone else's PG news. It is so tough. Hang in there.

    I hope that you have a wonderful trip. I will be thinking about you.

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  58. Its such a bittersweet feeling when someone close gets pregnant. We just have to hope we will get our turn. I do hope yours is soon. P.S absolutely LOVE the CD, I've got it on permanent loop in my car, it makes me feel I am not alone..thanks so much.

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  59. It's such a familiar scene. I'm holding up my glass of wine for you both... to what lies ahead, may it all be worth the wait.

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  60. I'm just seeing this tonight. I've been sort of undercover in my own idle way... I'm sorry that you weren't the one abstaining from the vino. I wish you well JJ.

    jenna

    http://epilogue.inconceivablejourney.com

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