Just made it easier.
Easier is good.
Since I have a slight OCD (ok, maybe major) with organization and categorization to keep things in order, I have all the blogs broken into categories. I have my food blogs, fashion/decorating blogs, gossip blogs, Braces Bunch girls in one list, etc.
I stuck myself in the "IF Treatment" category at the beginning of my blog journey, and it took me until I was 28 weeks pregnant to feel comfortable to move myself to "The Other Side" category. Now I rest in "Parents after IF" and I'm so glad to see so many of my blog friends in that same category!
In the past 6 months, I found myself needing to create a new category: "Pregnant after IF".
First, please, please, please know that I know and appreciate the fact that I can even put myself in any category that has the word parent in it. I want to move all the people in my "IF Treatment" and "Adoption" category to "Parents after..."
I just find myself in that limbo space where the green monster of jealousy rears its ugly head. Its partly because of the recent skin results, its partly because of the battle in my own head if I even want to add to our family, and it's partly because I know that we have less than a 1% chance of ever conceiving naturally. The whole idea of "Oh now that you've been pregnant by doing IVF, you'll have an easier time getting pregnant on your own" does.not.apply.to.me. I have to go into that explanation that we are dealing with male factor, so no matter how fertile I am, the chances are so incredibly slim it makes the pain of IF so raw all over again. Don't even get me started on the finances of it all....
And then I smile a wry smile, looking over at my walking little O-man and think back on the past week when I felt I was barely able to handle him. What on earth would I do with two?!
So these are just my minds thoughts, and as always, it helps to just write it out and let my feelings be what they are. I know I'm allowed to feel the way I do, but I don't want my friends in the "Pregnant After" and the "Adopting After" category to feel I am any less of a friend. I just have to put the green monster in check and work through these feelings and get them categorized in the right place.