Then...

After I wrote this post on Tuesday, Mr. O-man and I had another long night: more coughing, more crying, more restless sleep.

Then...

Wednesday was a day spent on the couch with tissues, juice and me doing the best to console a very cranky, sick little boy. Thank goodness, Mook got home at 7 that night (he brought me flowers and made me dinner--brownie points) and he took the Wednesday night shift of getting up with O-man.

Then...
 
Thursday morning, with no improvement and what I felt was a worsening cough, I asked Mook to call the pediatrician to get an appointment--no more messing around. My momma-bear instinct just told me something wasn't right. I left for work hoping I'd come home to a solution for the "sick-ick"

Then...

About 3pm, I saw a blocked call come up on my phone. I never answer blocked calls. Except I did this time. It was the pediatrician...she spoke slow and calm, and I knew that wasn't a good sign. "JJ, I'm so sorry to have to tell you this, but your son and husband are in an ambulance on the way to the hospital."

Then...

I thought I might collapse. All I really remember in that moment is this loud buzzing noise in my head and my heart feeling like it might burst. I frantically tried to figure out how I was going to get to the hospital--I wasnt sure how to get there from where my office is, so my boss graciously got in his car and had me follow him there. On the way, I clumsily dialed numbers...choking into the phone that I was on the way to the ER.

Then...

Running into the waiting room...waiting for someone to tell me where to go....seeing Mook holding him as the nurses were frantically getting him hooked up to oxygen, getting his temperature as they asked us a million questions.  Waiting for answers...watching Oman slip in and out of a conscious state.  Not being able to do a thing for him but hold his hand and wait....

Then...

Being told he had RSV and a bacteria infection that was affecting his red blood cells. We wouldn't see a lot of improvement right away...he was very sick...he was severely dehydrated and would need an IV...watching four adults wrestle this little toddler who was fighting us with all the strength he had left as the monitors and tubes were being attached.

Then...

There is so much in between that Im still processing...some really dark, scary moments. But even in those really dark moments, our friends and family were so amazing that I am just speechless.

Then...

We were sent home...lots of care instructions and with knowledge we had a battle still ahead of us.

Then...

I was back at the ER...but not with O-man...with Mook. The night we got home from the hospital, he started feeling really crummy...by the next day he had a high fever, sore throat...and coughing up blood. Thank the heavens my parents were here to stay with O-man...


Flu.

Yes, he had the flu shot. No, he will never get the flu shot again (this all coming from him...as this is the 2nd time he's ever gotten a flu shot, and proceeded to get the flu)

Then...

Just to throw a little more excitement into the mix...this morning, my dad and I had to rewire a faulty switch that could have caused just a *tiny problem. (*huge understatement)

Now...


I'm tired. That may be the understatement of the year. I'm also incredibly thankful...things could always be worse. But I'm so, so, so hoping they only get better from here....please allow me share this little bit of wisdom: take nothing for granted. Hug your babies, your dogs, your cats, your wife, your husband, your bunny rabbit. I have never felt anything like that fear. I don't ever want to again.
 

these are the days

Back when we were going through treatment, and waiting for the day we would be parents, I remember sitting in the empty room that is now Oman's room and thinking about all the things I would never complain about when I had a baby.

One big one that always upset me when I saw other mom's complain about, was the late nights and tough days when their kids were sick. I vowed to never ever complain. I would welcome those late night, the soothing and the extra TLC.

------------------

As I cradled Oman in my arms for the 8th time last night about 3:30am after he woke up screaming from his awful case of croup, I cried right along with him. I felt so helpless that I couldn't do more to help him ...I was exhausted from the interrupted sleep, but all those tears were shed while I smiled. As I sang "Twinkle, Twinkle" to soothe him, I remembered standing in the dark under very different circumstances not long ago and thanked the heavens I have this amazing little boy to take care of.

I caught myself at the grocery store this morning when the cashier noticed Oman's puffy eyes and runny nose:  

"Aww you all must have had a rough night with him so sick"

I almost blurted out: "Ooooh you have no idea--Im so exhausted, I wish he would just feel better!"

But instead, I said: "We had a long night, but we both enjoyed our bonding time"

---------------------------

As I sat down to write, I definitely hit my wall from the lack of sleep...so I am in no way trying to project myself as a "my-kid-is-sick-and-Im-all-zen-about-it." Im definitely tired of the snot and the inconsolable crying, but this is all a part of my job description. The best job in the world. 

Remember you have a few days left to tell me how you are going to be better this year--and just for telling me here, you could win a $100 Visa gift card! Winner announced on the 31st!

Stubborn.

My dad has this description of me:

"When you have your mind set on something, you are like
an iron stake driven into a frozen tundra."

Basically, you aren't going to change my mind. Period.

I realize its not the most ideal personality trait--it's good in some situations, but not when I need to truly compromise about something.  I've had a few situations come up the past few weeks that have made me really analyze how stubborn I can be--and it's made me feel sort of crappy about how it's affected other people.

But I also know it's been my "shield" when I've needed it, and for that I am very thankful. Almost as a sign to remind me it's ok to be stubborn (when necessary), I've seen this every day for the past 2 weeks as I've pulled into my driveway:

This tiny patch of snow is in my neighbor's yard across the street (yes, I really walked across the street just to snap this picture this morning in my fleece PJ's. Hope they didn't call the cops....) and we haven't had snow since January 10th. Granted, temps haven't gotten too warm, but there is no evidence of snow anywhere else nearby.

I applaud this little patch of snow. The sun has beat down on it, feet have trampled on it, but there it stays.

In honor of keeping my stubbornness in check, but also embracing it, I hope this serves as a reminder to you to stay strong if you are still on the journey to have a baby, waiting on an adoption to come through, wondering what path to take, waiting to find out if you've been approved to buy a house, or just waiting on life in general to show you what's in store....

January is as January does

January, I have a love-hate relationship with you.

Before I hate on you too much...I must say I enjoy celebrating Mook's birthday during this month, and I tend to be quite productive in the 1st month of the year tending to honey-do lists and prepping for the year.

But the winter blues just seem to linger after the holiday's, its COLD (I do love snow, though) and everyone hibernates.

And it goes without saying that I pretty much had a hard time with January exactly two years ago. It honestly feels like just yesterday that I was admitted to the hospital. I can still recall every nook and cranny of that room I spent 3 weeks in.

And just to remind me that all turned out so beautifully in the end, my soon to be two year old took it upon himself to show me that you just gotta pull yourself up by the bootstraps and keep moving forward.

Before you leave...have you taken 2 seconds to visit this post and tell me how you are going be better in 2011? If you do, you might win $100. Spiffy, huh?

Wordless Wednesday: Time Out

I was always wary of those mom's who used: "You need to sit in time-out!" as a way to control the tantrums.

But lord help me--it has become a very common phrase in the Jeans household lately.

I would almost rather it be me in time out....sitting in a chair with peace and quiet for 2-5 minutes multiple times a day?! Sounds like heaven.

But that little stinker, time-outs aside, is my pride and joy...this age is so much fun. Speaking of age...I am in complete denial he will be 2 years old in 3 weeks.

Also in a few short weeks, BlogHer and Jimmy Dean will pick someone to win a $100 Visa gift-card! Want that "someone" to be you? Go here to tell me how you will be better in '11. I am making slow but steady progress with my resolutions so far.

And for my time-out comrades: how are you dealing with the tantrums and time-outs at your house?

Tick Tock

Ohh I have forgotten how lovely Friday's are since I haven't been working on a true schedule since O-man was born, but now that I am back to work....wow, Friday--I love you. I am grateful for the time I had at work this week since it means I have a job, but I am also thankful for the time I will have at home this weekend.

Speaking of time....you still have time to share how are you going to be a better you in twenty-eleven. And just by sharing here, you are entering yourself to win a $100 Visa gift-card! How sweet is that?

You also still have time to delurk, since IBDW officially doesnt end until Sunday. :) It has truly made me so happy to see so many new "faces" and reconnecting with others, and I will be dropping by to say hi to you soon!

Wordless Wednesday: IBDW

Wont'cha be my neighbor?
If you've been visiting for 3 years or 3 days, say "Hi"
Not to beg, but I could use some sunshine and meeting new friends,
reconnecting with old ones and just having e-mail that isn't spam
makes me happy. It's the little things.

the year of truth

Does the new year overwhelm anyone else?

I feel like Im trying to make really big changes all at once, and it makes me a bit loopy. I wanted to make sure the first post in the new year was all shiny and happy, but I realized that wouldn't be staying true to one of my big resolutions:

Be true to myself.

And the truth is, Im still not feeling very shiny and happy. I'm still feeling funky from the ectopic loss, I have the post holiday blues, and Im seriously ready to toss out this bottle of bitter pills Ive apparently been taking every morning.

2011, I'm ready for you. Just be gentle.