O-man was in the back seat happily singing "Twinkle, Twinkle" at the top of his lungs for the 42nd time that morning (best version of Twinkle, Twinkle I've ever heard!), the radio was playing "Raise Your Glass" for the 43, 504 time (great song, but wow, give it a rest) and I was watching the stream of cars pass by...
I happened to look down to the side of the road where a brave little squirrel was about to dart out into traffic. She would glance from side to side, her tail nervously twitching, then she'd inch out a bit further but then take another two steps back. And then like she had planned it this way all along, she took off in a sprint and made it successfully to the other side of the street.
I gave her a thumbs up, since it seemed as if she paused for a minute to look back across the road to appreciate her accomplishment.
And yes, I have just written an entire blog post about a squirrel.
But isn't it funny--the things that can make us think? I've seen hundreds of squirrels run across the road in my lifetime...and the not so pleasant view of when they don't make it. And for some reason, seeing this one particular squirrel reminded me that I've felt a lot of that adrenaline lately...of wanting to sprint to the finish line instead of taking my time. Wanting to go against my normal "think-it-through" mentality, and just do it without thinking.
I find myself wanting to be at the "finish-line" as far as our family plans are concerned...I want to have the answer now, and sprint towards it. I get frustrated feeling that nervous twitching of not knowing what the future holds. I have to also remind myself to live in the present--even if I am tempted to sprint across the road. I have an amazing toddler that keeps me sprinting after him....multiple times a day. Maybe that squirrel and I have more in common than I thought!
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An important PSA for you before you go....my fabulous friend Courtney, who has created Chance to Hope (please take time to check it out!) is asking for volunteers who would be willing to share your story if you have battled infertility and have survived...whether you became pregnant through treatments, a "miracle", or adoption. She is creating a video for the website and educational purposes. Please contact her at chancetohope@gmail.com if you are interested, and she will provide more details of the involvement.
I totally "get" where you are. It's like you want the planning phase of creating a family to be over with so you can just look forward and enjoy what you have. It's a frustrating place to be even if you already have a child. Maybe Oliver is as "spirited" as he is so that you take moments like you did watching the squirrel to slow down and just go with the flow for a bit.
ReplyDeleteLove this post, JJ! It's so you and I love how such a little thing brought so much awareness for you.
ReplyDeleteI am so in the same place as you right now. It's extremely frustrating. I want to enjoy my life as is, but I feel as though I need to figure out our next steps asap. Grrr. Great minds think alike. :)
ReplyDeleteI feel that way too - it's really hard to stay in the moment.
ReplyDeleteThis. All of this is just beautiful. I remember that feeling like it was yesterday. I hope that you are very soon standing on the other side of the road with all your bloggies giving you a thumbs up. Much <3 to you JJ!
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I know I have a tendency to think that if I could just know whether the baby thing would happen or not, then I could get on with my life and whatever it was going to be. I've been working more lately to focus on getting on with my life with how it is and trying not to live in a holding pattern too much. Sometimes it's the little things that help us remember this.
ReplyDeleteNice post (and I love squirrels!)
ReplyDeleteGreat post JJ! Awesome picture too!
ReplyDeleteI know for myself if I could just know the "end" result of all of this, it would make it so much easier to deal with.
I love how you see things with difference eyes. Here's to you finding your "end" whichever which way it comes.
ReplyDeleteSending you much love.
xxx
We're in a similar place, I just want to know how this story is going to end. It's a struggle to get myself to stay in the present. It's great when such a small, every-day event can offer such an important reminder.
ReplyDeleteI feel like that squirrel too. I want to know what's ahead of me at the finish line.
ReplyDeletexo
Oh I feel like that squirrel. Looking both ways and just winging it...I don't have time to think about the running anymore. I also love how u wrote how a mom's / woman's mind works...how it goes from the song in the backseat to the squirrel. It was a great post. :)
ReplyDeleteI hope that finish line is closer than you think.
ReplyDeleteFor all of us.