Sunday, April 6, 2008

Mexican Memories

Every Tuesday night during our senior year of college, Mook and I cleared our calendars to head over to the local Mexican restaurant for Margarita Pitcher Night and $2 tacos.

I loved this tradition--we were still in the very beginning of our friendship (not dating), so there was never any lapse in our dinner conversation. We talked about everything: ranging from the class we dreaded going to the next morning, the kind of music we loved, and the silly questions people who are flirting ask, like: "If you could make-out with anyone right now, who would it be?" (I was silently praying he would say ME)

We would stay for hours--and I never got tired of hearing Mook laugh at my jokes, touch me lightly on the arm or ask me what I was doing after we left dinner. We usually ended up going back to my apartment to watch "Office Space" (Hi, Peter. What's happening? We need to talk about your TPS reports) I hated when Tuesday's ended. I had to wait a whole week to spend the evening with someone who I realized meant more to me than just a friend.

The last Tuesday we spent together before graduation, is one that is etched in my forever-memory. I remember what we both wore, what we talked about, and that feeling in the pit of my stomach that made me never want to leave that restaurant.

We did leave the restaurant, and we left college-without each other. Thank goodness our friendship had developed enough, that we kept in touch at least every few weeks by e-mail or a phone call.

After some time had passed, we realized we couldn't keep denying pitchers of Tuesday night Mexican margaritas their consumption! What a waste! We just had to be together for the sake of those tortilla chips and salsa...the $2 tacos....and that fantastic dinner conversation.

On Friday night, when Mook and I went to our current favorite Mexican locale, we did our typical rescuing of the margarita pitcher and as we went through 2 baskets of tortilla chips, we took a moment to rewind over our Mexican memories. Then our conversation shifted to present day-and we ended up discussing how different our topic of thought for the night wa from our "make-out" talks years before. But a few things haven't changed: our openness with each other, and the time we take to listen to each other's thoughts. The topic for the night being: our next steps.

We are going to look into doing 2 more rounds of IVF--the big questions to answer before committing are: 1) should we do chromosome testing to rule out doing any more treatment at all, 2) skip the chromosome testing and just add PGD to the IVF, 3) what do we do about our adoption feelings in the mean time. Those are 3 heavy things that has taken us 3 months to get to, so the phone calls will get done this week, to see where we go from here. I am so nervous to open this door again. What if we do have chromosome issues, what if we don't have any embryos that make it through PGD? Are we prepared for the answers we will get?

So while our lives have changed so much in 5 years, he still laughs at my jokes and touches my arm to let me know he's there. Our conversations are still fun and I get that feeling every time I look over the table at my husband.

44 comments:

  1. This is such a sweet story. In the best sense, not the over-sugared kind.
    Those are pretty heavy questions, and I wish you the best of luck with the phonecalls and the next many conversations (and many pitchers) they are sure to inspire.

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  2. Sounds like you and Mook have a solid relationship! You're so lucky to have someone who will really communicate with you like that. Good luck figuring everything out!

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  3. It sounds like you had such a wonderful talk. It's so important to remember those early days in your relationship!

    I'm not sure if you really asked for .02 worth, but here it is anyway. I'd do the chromosome testing. I'm always surprised when people say they haven't done this yet. Our RE required it before even moving to IVF. And our insurance did cover it. I'm not sure the cost, but it's surely less than the cost of adding PGD, with fewer issues I'd think.

    Okay, sorry for the as*vice. Hope you don't mind. Wishing you both lots of luck as you move forward with whatever you decide!

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  4. What a great time you and mook have together. I love hearing about such strong relationships!

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  5. My Matt and I were friends before we started dating too. Best way to go. And we watched Office Space ten million times too.

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  6. I can 100% relate to everything in your post. It's nice to have Mook around for these conversations...they are doozies.

    Dude. :)

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  7. I started tearing up reading this post. Very poignant. I wish you well with your search for answers and your quest for the next steps.

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  8. What a wonderful Tuesday night tradition! It is so much better going through all of this with a great partner.

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  9. You reminded me of this: when I first met my husband, he was in a band called Chicks and Salsa.

    I loved reading about your enduring closeness. Good luck this week with your phone calls and your decisions.

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  10. Awww....

    You two sound so cute..

    Good luck with whichever option you decide,

    J

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  11. I don't have any assvice. But I want to say good luck. And that your story is lovely and heartwarming. :)

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  12. Ohad and I were also friends way before we started dating (actually, we were both married). I think that friendship that we had then, when there was nothing romantic about it, was a really good sign for the future. We moved in together only after we got married and right before my wedding I remember feeling like I was going to spend the rest of my life in summer camp, spending every night with my best friend. I still wake up and look at him in the middle of the night thinking how lucky I am...

    As for the IVF - I think you'll be OK - even if you get answers you didn't want, you will have those answers instead of letting it remain a mystery.

    Good luck!

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  13. Sounds great. Good luck with your next step decisions.

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  14. Yum, I want some enchiladas... stat!

    I loved reading this story. Definitely reminded me of a lot what I share with my own husband -- and how I often forget to appreciate the fact that we're already a family together, just the two of us.

    Looking forward to hearing how these next few months unfold -- we're in similar places with regards to next steps, I think. Takecare!

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  15. I love Mexican! Maybe our next get-together should be at a Mexican restaurant. You and Mook have a really strong relationship, and it's great you have each other during this time. Good luck with the phone calls. I'm wondering if the chromosome testing wouldn't be the way to go first.

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  16. I love hearing about stories of how they first met and got together. My husband and I would always go down to Mec.icantown in our downtown district when we were dating also. Some of our best memories are from there. Good luck with the testing. I'm sorry I don't have much knowledgable advice about PGD and chromosome testing, but I hope you find the answers you need :-)

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  17. Communication like that with our husbands is such a gift, isn't it? I'm glad you got the chance to talk through those options. All your potential next steps sound positive to me!

    (Sorry if this is a double-comment; I got a blogger error the first time.)

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  18. P.S. I just wanted to add another vote for "chromosome testing" - much better value for money. Don't forget, if you do PGD you kind of have to know what you're looking for, otherwise you're just looking for the top three (or whatever it is) most likely abnormalities (trisomies and such). If something weird comes up with chromosome testing, PGD can be tailored but you have to know first.

    Besides, there's a school of thought that says PGD doesn't give you a good cost/benefit unless you have specific issues, or a high risk of creating abnormal embryos.

    That's according to my knowledge of the technique. Double check this with your clinic because I haven't been through it.

    Bea

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  19. Just a big AWWWWW!! It is so important to be on the same page with our hubby's. Each step of this journey is a challenge, and it is so good to have your best friend on board. It is also so good to take the time to figure out your next steps. This is uncharted territory. We can listen to what others have done, but truly, each case is different. As fast as we want to be Moms, we still have to be comfy with the decisions. I applaud you for taking the time.
    Just to reiterate Rachel's comment, I felt like my marriage was going to be the greatest slumber party ever. I would get to spend so much time with my best friend. And more than once, I have equated it to summer camp. Im so glad I'm not the only one that feels that way.

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  20. It feels so good to have a partner that is also a friend. It makes life so much better. Not everyone has that - I'm so glad to hear that you do.

    I'm also glad to hear that you two are starting to feel ready to discuss your options again. I have full confidence that you will be able to come to the best decision and I wish you all the best of luck!!!

    ((hugs))

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  21. I love this post. The innocense of going back to the basics of a relationship is the best. And Mexican food rocks!

    It's awesome you were able to come up with your next steps. I'll be praying that you have some clarity for your decisions.

    Your puppies' pictures make me smile. I love Mo's floppy ears. :)

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  22. Whatever the future holds, you and Mook are lucky to have each other. I hope your next steps provide some answers. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for good news.

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  23. What a great story, I love it.
    Office Space is one of the all time ever greatest movies made; excellent choice!
    You guys have so much weighing on you and I am praying that all the answers to your questions come to your heart filled with peace and confidence.
    What a blessing to know that no matter what, you will always have Mook, and that is the greatest gift of all.

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  24. I love stories like that. It's just so nice to have so much past with the one you love!

    Good luck with the phone calls. There are so many things to consider, but you'll work it all out together and you'll get through whatever you have to in one piece!

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  25. I just have to say, I love you guys!

    I hope very soon that you will have to forgo the margaritas or at least sip on the virgin kind.

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  26. What great insight into the history of you two. You sound like a perfect pair. :)

    The best of luck to you both with opening the treatment door again and I truly hope your next steps are very few before you receive what you are seeking.

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  27. What a sweet story about you and Mook. J and I were friends for about a year before we started dating.

    I hope that you get the answers to your questions. I wish you the best as you step back out into the fertility treatment waters!!!

    HUGS

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  28. That was so sweet, it brought tears to my eyes.

    I am glad you have had a good talk about the next steps, as scary as they might be.

    I know how scary it can be to think that test results can stop you in your tracks...when you might not be ready. I am a scaredy cat, so I tend to avoid bad news as much as I possibly can.

    I'd maybe speak to my consultant to see what s/he thought, then take it with a pinch of salt and make my own mind up. Good luck hun x

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  29. What wonderful memories. I cherish the time I had with Cole in college too. We started dating very early on, but it was the friendship that meant so much. Spending those years together cemented our relationship. Reading your beautiful story made me look back and appreciate all those times I had with him.

    Those are three pretty important questions. I truly hope you find the answers you're looking for.

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  30. I'm so glad that you two have such a wonderful relationship. It's so important to be able to lean on each other and be on the same page on this crazy journey to become parents.

    and Yum! Bring on the salsa and the margaritas!

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  31. Decisions, decisions....these type decisions are terribly hard. I pray that you have an easy time deciding what is best for you guys!

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  32. Just letting you know I'm still here, even though it's been awhile since I've commented. I'm praying for you and Mook!
    And thanks for the gift!

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  33. It's wonderful that spouses love each other, but in my opinion it's absolutely essential that you are good friends and can talk with your spouse.

    Sounds like you guys are working toward the next step of your infertility journey. You didn't ask for an opinion, but I think it might be worth doing the chromosomal testing even though it's scary to think that it might turn up something. PGD can't catch everything.

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  34. a man that can make you feel 21 forever is a great blessing. :) Hope you guys hang in there and make the best decisions for you both

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  35. I love this story. It really reminds me a lot of me and G. For me, when dealing with IF the questions were always harder to cope with than the answers--as long as I could get myself to a point where the answer was more important than trying to control the outcome.

    I hope that you get your answers and that they are not nearly as scary as I know those questions can be. HUGS!

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  36. You guys are so lucky to have one another. Relationships like yours don't happen every day or to everyone--and some of the most solid relationships can falter under the weight of all this IF crap. I am so happy for you that you have Mook. Keeping my fingers crossed for you as you move forward.

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  37. I loved reading your story about the beginnings of your relationship. I think it's wonderful that you still get that feeling and that you have such a strong bond. I don't have any advice for you but I wish you the best with your decision. I really enjoy margaritas too!! The frothier the better and with blue curacao.

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  38. One thing I continue to get from your blog is the closeness the two of you share. Sure you have had your ups and downs but the love and the strength that the two of you have jumps out of my monitor and warms my heart.

    Good luck with the phoen calls.

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  39. My husband and I are grappling with the same decisions, so my thoughts and prayers are very much with you as you decide what's best for you and Mook.

    I really appreciated this post. It reminded me how grateful I am that I am married to my best friend (silly that I should have to be reminded, but I do sometimes!). Thank you.

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  40. Such a cute story! glad to hear about your plan for IVF. I wish you & mook the best in deciding about what what tests to do, personally I'd do the chromosome testing. either way, you are in my thought girlie! Wish you all the best and may this be YOUR year to make you & mook's dream come true.

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  41. That is a wonderful story, one that not only has a happy ending, but happy beginnings too. I wish you luck with the next steps. I know that together, both of you will get where you need to go. Thinking of you and wishing you only good things.

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  42. JJ-you never cease to amaze me!! You guys will make great parents no matter how you get there. You have a solid relationship and that is what matters.

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  43. You're too cute!!
    So pleased you are with your soulmate.

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