Thursday, September 18, 2008

It Still Stings

Let me get on my soapbox first thing:

To the Today Show: while I appreciate your effort in talking about infertility, your look into male factor was, at best, skimming the surface. This is, of course, just my opinion from where we personally stand in the male factor scheme of things...

I had seen Mel's announcement on L&F that Matt and crew would be talking about infertility all week, and it just so happened that yesterday, Mook and I were at home together in the early morning and turned on the news before getting out of bed. Just in time...the segment was just starting, and it was clear they would be talking about male factor.

It's amazing how quickly the mood shifted in that moment--I reached over for Mook's hand, and we watched the first 2 couple's they highlighted--one diagnosed with azoospermia, and one that had frozen his sperm due to cancer earlier in life. I was glad they highlighted the fact that it took one of the couple's more than just one try to conceive their little helps to hear that every now and then. Also, I am in no way downplaying either cases highlighted above: it's just hard for me, and especially Mook, when we don't see or hear medical experts and news programs talking about those (like Mook) who have had little to no answer (other than pure speculations: botched hernia surgery) as to why he has a certain count, motility and morphology. This aspect has always been very difficult for him.

Mook got up about half way through the last interview--we both could tell it wasn't going to highlight "someone like him"...I decided not to pry-I've learned when to just let it go. So again, while I am glad they took the time to report that male factor is now the cause of 50% of infertility cases, I look forward to the day that they are really looking at men's cases as much as women--I know this would have helped Mook identify with other men going through the same thing-isolation has been one of the toughest things for him.

-end of soapbox-

In other news: went in for my AFP testing yesterday--should have those results next week. As always, Ill be praying and holding my breath until then. No peek at Ron yesterday, but was able to talk with the OB--he showed me where the top of my uterus is now-right below my belly button-which helped convince me that the growth is where it needs to be. Heart rate is sticking around I dare to believe the old wives tale and think we have a true Ron, and not a Roni? We'll know for sure in 14 days...

I'm still getting those "what the heck is that" sort of pull/pinch, but was reassured yesterday that it's all the growth. Don't think I'll ever truly take that in! And I'm taking the one "advantage" of my previa (since the placenta is so low that he/she does not have to kick through it) to be that I have definitely felt Ron's fluttering...sort of like water rippling. It's not constant, but makes me jump when I feel it! Still battling the nose issues, and occasional stomach irritations-but energy is good during the day, and zilch by 6pm.

One thing I've had a really hard time admitting we need to do is: look into daycare. Truly, Mook has had to sit me down and have a chat, because I can't even bring myself to spend much time in the will-be-nursery yet...but I'm getting there. The whole thing is so foreign to me, and it's almost like playing house. I'm convinced the person on the other end of the line is smirking and thinking "what the hell is this woman doing looking for daycare for a child that's not even born yet."

One small step at a time, right?


  1. JJ - Just wanted to quickly comemnt that don't freak out if the AFP comes back positive. Those tests have frequent false positives. Just wanted to let you know. :)

    So the previa hasn't resolved?

  2. Great points about the special on TV. I only caught part of it - but I couldn't agree more. I'm glad that things are still going well - and I hope that Ron keeps moving that placenta. My husband and I used to tell our little Spot to "get busy and start moving that placenta for mom and day, LOL!" It must be a daycare topic kind of day because we were just talking about that, and I just commented with Mel from Big Belly about that too. Even in our third trimester I'm having trouble wrapping myself around that concept. So don't worry - I think that just makes us normal, right? Lots of hugs to you sweetie!

  3. Best of luck on the AFP as well!

  4. For what it's worth when I first called my daycare they told me they had a 1 year waiting list so you are definately not looking too early.

    I ended up putting my name on the list in July and they got us in at the end of February when I went back to work.

  5. The daycare discussion and reality blows, but the waits at the best places are absurd so you are right to get on it now. I am right there with you, sweet girl.
    I am so glad things are going so well and so jealous of your pinpointed "Ron" kicks!!!!
    Hugs and love.

  6. Good soapbox. It seems like the whole media aspect never gets anything all the way correct.

    I'll keep my fingers crossed for your AFP testing.

  7. I've also had trouble moving forward with the whole daycare and preparation idea - it still seems so foreign and so far! This week I started more seriously getting my butt in gear.

    I think you will find out Ron/Roni's sex before I find out mine - my Level II scan isn't for three more weeks! Sigh. Maybe that will also help with the "realness" factor.

  8. I hope your AFP comes back good!!

  9. I'm so glad that hings are progressing. I'm sending good thoughts for excellent test results!

  10. I had to leave right after the segment started. Sounds like that was a good thing.

    Good luck on results!

  11. While I didn't see the Today show highlight on Male Factor IF, I would like to verbalize that given our recent diagnosis I've been utterly disappointed at the scant availablity of information on the subject.

    While there are oodles and oodles of things I can find on female IF problems...the solutions/options/stories about male factor just aren't there.

    I even feel at a loss going to the RE, because unless he's doing IVF, there isn't much he can do to fix our problem.

    We have an RE consult...and my husband is SUPPOSED to be going to see a urologist. If he will ever make the appointment.

  12. I'm so glad you're doing great in preggoland...and your feeling well!

    I know the thought of looking into daycare so soon seems crazy, but sometimes it's completely necessary (depending on where you live and the wait list situation).

  13. I started looking into childcare options early too. you will be glad that you did. Some of the good places have waiting lists and you don't want to just stick your child anywhere. Also it gives you a chance to keep your options open.

    Glad your are still feeling symptoms and possibly even movement. I am so happy for you and Mook.

  14. I can totally understand why you're so aprehensive about spending time in the nursery & planning daycare. I'm glad it's getting better though. You still have time... and I hope it gets easier for you every day.

    I'm glad Ron is doing well!


  15. Hooray for kicks!

    I agree that more needs to be said openly about male factor. When I was researching handouts for my class lecture on pregnancy, IF, miscarriage, etc., I found very little on male factor.

  16. Sounds like a Ron and not a Roni to me! That's what I'm putting my money on anyway. =)

    So glad things seem to be settling down for you a bit. Hopefully you'll even start feeling some kicks and flutters soon!

  17. poor mook (and poor you for having to experience watching his emotions)

    good luck with all the test results

  18. Regarding the program on MF... I'm actually pleased to hear that they at least talked about azoospermia. A few months back one of the local famous doctors in my area - who is on the news quite often and has his own talk show - had dedicated one of his programs to infertility. And do you know what they talked about???? Men who smoke pot and/or drink too much can have low sperm counts. And also that people shouldn't wait so long to start TTC.

    I was so irritated and angered by this!! How WRONG WRONG WRONG it was to waste an entire show by talking about this crappy point of view that just feeds the general public's view of infertility!!!


  19. As things progress it will become more and more real--I promise! Thinking of you, sweetie! ((HUGS))

  20. I wanted to catch some of that program, but I missed it. I was at home yesterday (and for a while this morning), too. Oh, well. It sounds like I would have been frustrated by (what sounds like) somewhat slight coverage. I always get frustrated when they show couples who have dealt with infertility and it gets presented as though all the couple had to do was make a decision, pay the money and BOOM- pregnant! It seems like it's always a shock to people that there isn't some sort of one-size-fits-all perfect solution to infertility. It isn't like everyone takes a dose of clomid and miraculously gets PG with twins, or that an IUI works perfectly, or even that IVF works on the first (or second or third...) try. I guess it is refreshing that they shared the story of someone that had to try "more than once", but all the same, it seems that that comment comes from some misguided notion that it should only take one try.

    Oh, well. I guess I have to be pleased that it made national news at all, right???

    I'll be thinking about you in the coming week as you wait for your AFP results. For some reason, I seem to feel like you're having a "Ron", too. Of course, I've been wrong a lot lately, so maybe you should take that as the opposite!

  21. I missed it, and now I'm glad.

    Here's hoping for a reassuring AFP result, but I second yias . . .

  22. Yep, you gotta do it one small step at a time. I have learned the same thing, letting go of fears and moving forward, and when the fears reaccur, not letting them dominate you.

    I will be very excited to learn whether little Ron is truly a Ron or not. :)

  23. I know what you mean. My husband had an extremely low count (less than 1 million) and even the RE was shocked that we couldn't find a reason for it! He said that my husband had the lowest count he had seen that was "unknown" like that.

    Why does nobody seem to care about the WHY of MF IF?

  24. I haven't seen any of the segments this week - I had a feeling they would just annoy me.
    Gah! Two weeks until you know if Ron is Ron! Time is flying dude.
    In other words - don't worry about getting ahead of yourself, it'll be time for daycare soon. And after that, college.

  25. I didn't catch the show...too bad since we have MFI as well. I'm not sure my hubby would have wanted to watch; he isn't really keen on talking about it too much.

    Anyway, I'm going to predict Ron is a girl, only b/c LG's hear trate was right around there as well during the first pregnancy :).

  26. Ooooh I'm so excited that you can feel Ron (or Ronette) - I hope you're taking time just to enjoy it :)

    And I think you're having a Ronette - just to be different! xoxo

  27. JJ

    We have male factor, too, and yep- it gets short shrift.

    Mind you my hubby is still in la la land where 0% morph isn't a fertility problem, despite the opinions to the contrary of several RE's. He reckoned it was ll my dodgy eggs. I had to argue for the icsi with him and he still thinks the IVf would have gone fine without it. Denial isn't just a river in egypt....


  28. Good luck on the AFP!

    We have the same issue as Mook here...husband had hernia surgery when he was three years old, and the clinic had a vague sense that that MIGHT be the problem. We still don't know.

    14 days is TOO LONG!! ARGH! :-)

    Daycare--you should start looking--you are going to have a BABY!

  29. Yeah for "Ron" flutters :)

    Sorry that you and Mook had to go through the motions of watching the show - MF info is really badly covered - but perhaps this might be the start of working towards MF being more widely researched and documented? One would hope...

  30. ohhh movement... How cool.. Good luck with the daycare search!!!

  31. I still think the media has a long way to go to showing the public that IF is a disease just like Heart Disease or Cancer, but at least they are trying. I just wish they'd be better at it. (end of my soapbox)

    JJ-everything is going to be just fine. I know it all seems scary (and that's from first hand experience with a hideous pregnancy) keeping my fingers crossed for the AFP testing.

    and last, the boys are 8 months old and I *still* feel like I'm playing house , like someone is going to come into my house and say "great job looking after them but go get your own " I swear IF does rotten things to you and so on days that that happens to me I hug them extra tight and tell them "I'm never ever giving them up" (we didn't finish their nursery until they were born...just saying)


  32. ((hugs))

    I didn't know they were having a special, I don't know how I missed that, but DH has the same issues (low sperm count) and it frustrates us both.

    Anyway, very cool that you feel Ron moving, I loved that, and I miss it SO much.

  33. Hey Girl! Thanks for the comments on the blog. I've been so super busy with running to the RE and work. Been thinking about you though and little Ron/Roni. You are so wise with the situation with Mook. I am in the same boat. Unexplained, but speculating that a horrible case of the mumps (high fever) as a child lead to damage of the tissue. I haven't ever seen anything on TV that I just said, AHHH They got it, SPOT ON! Thats why I hang in the blogosphere! WE ALL KNOW WHATS GOING ON! ;)
    I say go get on the list for a daycare! I have friends that have been on daycare lists since almost day 1. Around here, its a scramble for the best.
    Wishing you so much joy and happiness this day and all to come, Hollie

  34. It is nice that they pointed out some stuff on Today. But I'm with you, I hope one day the research and education will be right up there with women and continue to grow.

    On another note, I'm glad all is going well, and I can't wait for the 14 days to be up:-)

    When it comes to the daycare side of things...coming from someone who worked in one for 10yrs...make sure they let you observe the rooms at various times during the day (not just naptime/lunchtime/etc). Don't be afraid of asking too many questions and letting them know of your concerns. Also, don't feel weird about what the other person on the line is thinking. I've been one of them and it's actually fun and exciting to think that there's a new baby on the way that might be coming to the daycare...guess it's the whole "baby enamored" side of all of us:-)

  35. My husband has a 1 percent normal morphology issue also, and has had a really difficult time with the "we don't know why" answer as well.

    Sounds like you're doing well! I'm so glad.

  36. My babies are in their nursery sleeping, and I still can't wrap my brain around the fact that they're actually mine! Looking back on my pregnancy, I think I just walked around in a surreal state not really ever taking in what was actually happening as a way to protect myself if it doesn't end up happening. Ahh, the craziness of pregnancy after infertility! I'm so glad things are still going well. Keeping my fingers crossed for the AFP stuff.

  37. It was entirely weird to me to interview caregivers when my baby was barely classified as "fetus".

    But I'm glad I did, because it's something you really don't want to deal with after the birth. Plus, you can actually stop by or give an email or call once in a while after the baby is born and before you head back to work just to get aquainted with the idea. It felt nice to know I had the childcare worked out and it was nice to be able to picture it long before I had to take the plunge.

  38. Mook, I don't know if your DH reads your blog but my DH has MF with no reason ever given for his low counts/motility and poor morphology.

    There were no real options for him, treatment-wise. I asked about one German surgery that was current at the time of our diagnosis but our doc said we should focus on me and IVF, not him and surgery.

    I'm glad we did, but it really loaded on the guilt that I did all the appts and invasive stuff and he did one 'contribution.'

    In our situation, he was able to feel proactive by making all our appointments and attending every appointment.

    That's my MF story, just to put it out there in the wild.

  39. i was so with ya on the childcare, nursery...everything---as much as i wanted too, i couldn't dare to hope.
    and honestly, i still almost don't believe it.
    you'll get there.

  40. I wish I had been able to see the MFI stuff on the today show. I think all of our TV coverage in my area was blocked out by local hurricane coverage. Will have to look it up.

    Your boobs will grow, my dear. I was a DD pre-pregnancy, and am now a G. You are practically guaranteed to have trouble finding a bra that fits. You just wait.

    Good luck with the AFP! And lovely glamour shot.

  41. Best of luck with the AFP. I am glad things are going well for you. :)

  42. One day at a time sweetie and you'll be just fine. I'm glad that everything is still on track and I'll be waiting with baited breath with you, i'm sure that everything will be perfect tho!

    Thanks for the sweet mail, you know i'll always be here for you even tho it is bitter-sweet.

    Big hugs xxx


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