That loooooong sigh encompasses SO much.
Bliss, love, terror, tears, euphoria, sadness, fullness, loneliness...all felt to the tilt.
To look over to my right and see that I have a week-old son, just fills me with so much emotion that I can't even begin to explain.
Where to even start...I will definitely post the "Birth Story" to cover all the nitty-gritty, so we'll save that for next time.
First, let me thank my mother and Mook: having the support and help has meant more to me than I'll ever be able to express. Not having total control of my body has been hard on me--not that I expected to jump up the day after the c-section, but it's been tougher than I expected. Like, how to sleep at night. How to get up after sitting in a chair. How to put my pants on! We finally decided to move a recliner into our room so I could sleep in the same place as Mook-I've really needed to be close to him, and since I cant get in and out of bed quite yet without help, at least we are in the same room.
My mom has just been fantastic: not only for the "taking care of baby", but for taking care of JJ. I've definiiiitely had the hormone fluctuations--a lot of crying and self doubt about this new part of this journey. Feeling like a milk machine and nothing else. Worried about Mook wanting to spend time with me. Scared that my body will never heal. Wondering if my feet will ever stop swelling. Being able to openly cry and get it out without feeling crazy with a capital C has helped so much.
And of course sharing in the many GOOD things: watching Oliver's facial expressions, hearing him burp like a champ, cooing at him during our cuddle time, smelling and feeling that baby-skin. Feeling his hands touch my face is beyond surreal, and I'm forever grateful for those 10 tiny fingers...
So needless to say there is a lot of adjusting going on around here...
- We were BOTH discharged this past Saturday--he actually got "his papers" before me! Unfortunately, I had to go back on Sunday--my swelling and back pain were truly unbearable. The fact that Im still having back pain post-O Man means some investigative measures will need to be taken after a few weeks. Right now, thank GOD for pain meds...
- Working on a night-time routine--Mook is a great help. We are still figuring it all out, and probably wont ever have an exact science. My milk came in good and strong only yesterday, so we've had to do a combo routine with my milk and supplements. And since little man's mouth is still a bit small, pumping is the way Im going for now-it was becoming WAY too painful
- O Man is sunning during the day=) The fact that he did NOT have to have any NICU time is a blessing--we do have to do some home-remedy to keep him growing: keeping his billirubin in check, and making sure I feed him every 2 hours--he lost about a pound in transition, so we have to keep him fed and tan!
- Men could never do this. Good God, a woman's body goes through so much-it's worth it--really it is--but dude.
- And I miss you all...no need to explain further. I just really do...I owe so many emails and thank-yous, and some phone/text messages. Please know EACH one has helped me so much. As MUCH as this is a joyous time, it can feel lonely too--and I cant quite explain that one yet, but I hope that makes sense. I'm working my way through all of it...
Lots and lots of hugs from this household...
Mel and I were just wondering about you today. So glad to hear things are falling into place. I just can't even comprehend the adjustment we're in for any day now. Little O is so precious and I'm sure he's worth it all. Just wishing his momma will get some relief from the pain very soon. Tons of hugs for you. We're right behind ya...
ReplyDeleteI'm so so happy for you. Hang in there during this 'adjustment' period. :-) He is just beautiful(but you already knew that).
ReplyDeleteHi JJ it's Susan in Idaho. Oliver is absolutely AMAZING and so beautiful! I am so proud of you for all you went thru and happy that you and little man are healthy. Hug that fabulous baby for me and remember we are rooting for you and Mook!
ReplyDeleteYou ROCK!
YAH! This sounds wonderful and perfect.Love the O-Man rocking your world!
ReplyDeleteYaaayyy for JJ and Oliver being "released" and yaaayyy for all of you being home again as a family. I can imagine that all the overwhelming thoughts and feelings and the sporadic emotional roller-coaster is all so worth it when you just stare at Oliver and kiss his precious little head. Your a Mommy! Can you believe it???? Do you feel just a bit closer to your own mom now too? Do some of her feelings for you over the years make a little more sense? I have a feeling that is going to happen to me and I am going to look at my mom after our daughter is born and go "holy crap... I'm sorry. I TOTALLY get it now." :) Enjoy your sleeplessness. Enjoy that new baby smell. Enjoy your time as a family of 3 now. I am so happy for you guys and I hope that you heal soon so you can be more mobile and get out and show off your beautiful son! Big hugs!!
ReplyDeleteSo glad you are all home together, learning your new life!!! Just take it step by step, day by day. Before you know it, you will be a parenting champ.
ReplyDelete:)
It's so hard in the beginning - never mind the extra healing that you need to do.
ReplyDeleteEventually the bumps will smooth out, I promise. It gets easier and actually fun eventually.
Thinking of you.
Glad to hear that you've both made it home and are doing well!
ReplyDeleteGetting in and out of the bed after a C is the worst...I hope the swelling and back pain goes away soon.
Oliver is just gorgeous...Congrats, again!
Glad you are both home. It sounds like you are going through the normal adjustment period--hang in there--its a rough ride for the first few weeks/months. Then you will not remember a time you did not have him.
ReplyDeleteLove the picture.
Hi. I'm so glad to hear from you. I too had a c-section and found parts of recovery very difficult. I had forgotten the swollen feet but they were phenomenal and phenomenally painful. Mine just disappeared one day (not early enough). I hope yours will too, and soon (not the whole feet, mind you, just the swelling).
ReplyDeleteHang in there. It gets better. Honestly.
My heart is full of joy for you JJ. Congratulations. Oliver is amazing, and I'm thankful you were blessed with him.
ReplyDeleteHe's beautiful. Love that silky head of hair!
ReplyDeleteWhat a handsome little man! It looks like he just got back from a week on the beach. Hehe.
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy for all of you. That you are finally able to hold your "jeans" in your arms.
Much love to you and your family!
Glad you are all home and adjusting. The feet swelling will go down (eventually). And I totally agree about their little hands touching your face, there is nothing like that! It is truly an amazing feeling. The loneliness for me came down to I had someone inside of me for the past nine months and then, all of sudden he is gone, granted very close by but still not a "part" of me anymore. But it is all just gets better and better every day! Enjoy your precious son!
ReplyDeleteOh honey, I hear ya on just about everything you said (My feet were so swollen, I could barely go up stairs...took about 2 weeks to start going down!) I can remember distinctly feeling exactly the way you do 10 months ago. It's such an amazing time but SO HARD!!!! Email me if you have any questions or just want to vent to a fairly recent new mama. It is absolutely an isolating experience despite being surrounded by people. Little Oliver is so precious. It's hard to truly be present in the moment when you're exhausted, in pain, and frustrated with breast feeding. It'll all come together, I promise. Treat yourself to an ice cream or another treat. You really deserve it. This time period is so all about the little man and so little about you that it's hard to remember to take good care of yourself, but please remember to do that! I'm thinking about you and your beautiful little family.
ReplyDeleteAwwww! He's beautiful!
ReplyDeleteOliver is gorgeous!! So glad you posted and that you are all doing well. Nursing is natural, but NOT easy. I swear if you can stick it out for 3 weeks it will get so much better and so very rewarding. My son had jaundice, fairly high bili count, we had daily heel prick checks (left both Mom & baby in tears). We used to get the funniest comments from strangers when they saw my little orange baby - mostly...."Oh, he is so tan, I love his tan"...Uh, no lady he is 4 days old and has jaundice. This too will pass, mine will be 16 next month and is 6'2" and 165lbs. I remember the emotional rollercoaster shortly after birth. I cried when my sister held my son because I wanted to hold him...I lasted about 15 mins. before I claimed it was time to feed him...haha. Congratulations!! I hope & pray your recovery will be more pleasant and that all your pain issues will be resolved quickly.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful - just beautiful. Congrats!
ReplyDeleteGlad you are both home and adjusting. Hope the healing goes well and that you'll soon be feeling back to somewhat normal. He's such a cutie. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteI am so happy for all 3 of you. You will be Super Parents before you know it.
ReplyDeleteAdorable. (But you knew that).
ReplyDeleteHope you're feeling better soon. In the meantime, enjoy every minute with your gorgeous, fantastic SON. You're a mom!!! :)
Yeah, after having waited so long, now time's flying. I'm so glad that you three are doing great :)
ReplyDeleteSO much love to you all. It is a huge adjustment, so I've heard, and I know that you and Mook will get through it famously!
ReplyDeleteYou are an inspiration to us all. Please keep us posted on lil O man. He is just about the most beautiful lil miracle man I've ever seen!
Love and may God continue to bless you and your family!
So happy for you and hope that you continue to heal and little man continues to grow strong! Enjoy!
ReplyDeleteI've been checking everyday to see if you had posted anything. O is a real trooper - the fact he needed no NICU time is fantastic and I have no doubt it is because his wonderful momma did such a good job nurturing him while he was on the inside.
ReplyDeleteI didn't have a C-section, but gracious the feet were worse after the delivery than they were beforehand. I think it was about 2 weeks before they went back to normal.
The first couple of months will be a fog, but soon enough there will be a routine and smiles from your son and you'll know all the craziness wasn't for nothing. Oh, and then you'll blink-he'll be an "independent" 11 month old and you'll wonder where your baby went. I know it is crazy right now, but try to take it all in because it really does go quickly.
Congratulations!! He is so adorable!
ReplyDeleteI hear you on the post c-section stuff. I wasn't able to sleep in my own bed for about a month. It was horrible. My swelling went down after I got off the pain killers.
I definitely feel your pain (or felt...) and i hope that things will get better for you sooner. I truly feel that I lost out on some important things after we got home because I was in so much pain and having a hard time managing it and the hormones and all the new stuff.
But the good definitely outweighs the bad. Congrats again!
What a sweet picture. Take it easy on yourself. I didn't even have a C-section when I had my daughter 8 years ago and I still remember getting to the 6-weeks postpartum timeframe thinking, "The short-term disability insurance thinks I should be feeling up to working at this timeframe???!!! I still feel like cr@p!" I had taken the full 12 weeks under FMLA and I'm so glad I did. It takes awhile to heal and feel better. Congratulations!!!!!
ReplyDeleteLove that photo... I cannot even begin to imagine what a MECCA of emotions and adjusments you guys are going through. Reading about them makes my head spin since I realize I am literally a sneeze away from where you are right now. I am glad you have had Mook and mom there to support you, though, and I guess the best thing to remember is it only gets easier, right?
ReplyDelete*hugs*
It is awesome that you are both home! Take it easy. As for breastfeeding, the first few months it is constant, but afterwards, it is so much easier than formula feeding. He will nurse a lot (or your will pump a lot) to increase your supply in the first few months. Hang in there. Getting him to the breast as soon as you can to work through the latch is best, but if you are still having a lot of pain and need to focus on pumping, here is a blog post with a list of resources on exclusive pumping, buildng a supply through pumping, etc.
ReplyDeletehttp://thelactivist.blogspot.com/2007/03/exclusively-pumping-good-advice-is-hard.html
You've been through a lot, so just do what you can! Don't be afraid to ask for help.
I had my external version yesterday and it worked! Hoped the baby stays head down for the duration. It is so neat to see Oliver on the outside since my little one is due close to your original due date.
Take LOTS of pictures (task Mook with this). You might think you are taking too many, but trust me, you aren't. It takes a lot of shots to get the best shots and as a new mom you won't be able to distinguish the good from the bad because they all have Oliver and yo will want to keep all of them. Plus, they change so much at this point, but it is hard to see it happening as it happens.
Can't believe my first baby is going to be 2 and a half next month when the baby is born.
Thinking of you, wishing you luck and a few moments of peace to enjoy all the hustle and bustle. You have a beautiful son!
ReplyDeleteso great to hear an update from you! I can only imagine how different & wonderful things are now for you guys.
ReplyDeleteBEAUTIFUL photo too- he is perfect!
Oh wow is Oliver cute!!! I am so glad to hear you are home with him and you all can bond as a family in your own home. THanks for posting all of this when you are in this very special place.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad things are going well. I hope you continue to recover quickly! Oliver is adorable!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations! It sounds like you guys are adjusting to parenthood perfectly!
ReplyDeleteHeya! I hadn't yet commented on O's birth, but didn't think you'd miss little old me since you had hundreds of comments! I've been a little busy myself this past week so I'm seriously behind. I read each and every post though and wanted to congratulate you! And give Mook a huge pat on the back for being such a great updater for all of us in internetland.
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the world Oliver!
OMG JJ.. He is beatiful. I haven't been on in about a week. He is just preciousl and your post brought tears to my eyes.
ReplyDeleteCongrats and take it easy. You have a lot of healing to do.
Oh honey I know it probably doesn't feel like it but you are doing great! He's gorgeous and you are an amazing mama!
ReplyDeleteHe is just so beautiful.
ReplyDeleteGod bless mothers! I don't know what I would have done if mine hadn't come to stay with me and help out. I'm so glad your mother is there with you!
I'm so glad to hear from you! Mook was a good interim blogger, but no one is like JJ:-) I'm sorry there have been lonely times, but know that we're all thinking of you and looking forward to watching you and your family grow together.
ReplyDeleteAnd he's beautiful,btw:-) ((hugs))
Congratulations sweetie! He is beautiful!
ReplyDeleteYou will all get a schedule, it takes some time...but then it just sorta happens. Everything falls into place.
Remember to take care of yourself as well. =)
Hugs to all.
I am so glad to hear you are all doing well. The beginning is rough--there are a lot of changes and transitions going on at once, but every day it gets better. We are still transition 6 months later, but every day is better than the day before and I feel more confident and less lonely.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing beautifully. Enjoy your gorgeous little man. ((LOTS OF HUGS))
Have I mentioned that he is perfect????
ReplyDeleteTHRILLED for you... and the loneliness took me by surprise too. You will find your way as always ;))
~Big hugs~ to you and the family!!!
He is perfect, just perfect!
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I was not prepared for the rollercoaster of emotions and the lonliness. I had this vision of being this perfect mother, right down to the soft light coming in through the window as I effortlessly nursed. HA! I will say it does get easier. I think we started to settle into a groove and get used to each other between 2-3 weeks.
Enjoy your little mand and I hope you start to feel better physically.
hello mama JJ... look at him, so precious. The first days after C-section are VERY HARD but it gets much much better after 7 days... HUGS and congratulations
ReplyDeleteThat's so wonderful that you are all home and doing well. Take it easy and let Mook help out as much as possible. I'm so extremely happy for you guys. O is precious!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry it's taken me a while to leave my huge congrats!! Well done you!
ReplyDeleteI know just how you feel as I had a C-section to bring Barney into the world. I didn't actually feel too bad afterwards but I did do a lot of weeping. Be warned, the weeping can carry on for weeks.
Barney was 15 weeks today and i've only recently stopped the regular blubbing.
This is all immensely hard work but it's so, so worth it. Enjoy your little man - he looks v cute.
A huge hug to you and to Mook xxx
I am so glad you are home with your SON!
ReplyDeleteLots of love to you, JJ.
Look at all that dark hair!!!
ReplyDeleteI can see the smile on your face just through your words!
So glad Little O didn't have any NICU time. You did great, Mom!
It will only get better. O man is here, healthy, the rest will take care of itself. Hope you are feeling better, too. I am sooo happy for you.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations!!!! I used to lurk and haven't been around in a while - I'm so excited to hear your boy is here safe and sound!!
ReplyDeletecongrats again!
I'm so happy for you guys! And I completely understand...there are no word to describe what it feels like to FINALLY have your child(ren) with you...safe and sound.
ReplyDeleteOh my god! I have been so behind, but am so thrilled to learn this wonderful news. You are going to be the most rocking mom. Congrats, and speedy healing! Can't wait to hear more.
ReplyDeleteI've been on leave for 2 weeks and only today logged in again. Huge congratulations on the arrival of your gorgeous little man. I love the posts from Mook - he sounds so proud! I pray that your body heals quickly and that Oliver will bring you huge joy! God bless.
ReplyDeleteOh JJ is is just so very divine. DIVINE.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy, heal, be gentle on yourself.
What an amazing journey .... I hope the pain eases for you. XOXOXOX
Rest up momma and no worries about emails and catch-up. Just focus on healing yourself and taking care of O-Man. I hear you on the crazy emotions and the feet swelling does go down. I promise. It will be a day of rejoicing when it does.
ReplyDeleteA great book to read - when you have the time - is Momma Zen. It helps with all of the emotions. Beginning now...
Hugs from the PNW.
Awww so SWEET!
ReplyDeleteLet me just say that I really, really understand your post. Those 1st few days are amazing and scary as all get-out. I remember all too well how freaked-out I was in the 1st two weeks. It does get better, but man is is freaky.
I told an OBGyn friend that if men had to go through being pregnant the 1st thing they would fix would be the emotional skydiving freefall-off-a-cliff that happens post-baby.
Hope you and yours are having a wonderful baby-lovin' time.
Just now catching up and SO glad he is here safely and healthy!
ReplyDeleteI hope you are recovering better and that all the pain is gone now.
Continue to be BLESSED!!
It's been almost 2 weeks since your last post. Ack! I assume you're up to your armpits in diapers and burpcloths. Just know that I'm thinking about you 3 every day! xo
ReplyDeleteJust thinking of all of you and
ReplyDeletewondering how you are doing? A
lot of us don't have Twitter. Hope
all of you are well. You are in our thoughts and prayers.
You are so lucky to have great support. I still sometimes feel like a milk machine, but it has gotten better. That first social smile means sooooooooo much.
ReplyDelete