Sunday, May 1, 2011

Dollar and $ense of Family Building: At What Cost?

Visit Write Mind Open Heart for more perspectives on the Dollars and $ense of Family Building

If two children in a family “cost” different amounts, should that have any significance?

There is an automatic draft for a specified amount that comes out of my bank account every month that began in June 2008 and will keep coming out every month until June 2017 (hopefully sooner...)

This is the price I am paying back to the bank for our loan from our IVF cycles. I jokingly say that O-man is not officially ours until that last penny is paid back. Just a small way that I feel like the whole IF process still has this little nagging hold on me. 

So how can I even begin to think about adding another child into our lives when I'm still paying back the bank for the miracle that is sleeping soundly in the room next to me.

Because my heart aches to complete my family. 

Reality is though, that we aren't in a position where we can dive into the process of adoption, since that is the only way we will be adding to our family in the future. Will we ever be in that position? If we won the lottery!

But since I know a pretty close dollar figure on what we spent to make O-man a reality, what will it mean if we spend more or less to add another child to our family? I imagine that there would be many conversations eventually about how each child was brought into the family....and I don't know that I can answer exactly how I would address the question of what each child "cost"...

I believe that Mook and I would most likely want to focus on the emotional "cost" -- which would mean explaining how much each of them were wanted and loved before they ever came into our lives. Of course being honest about the actual process of money in the journey, but really focusing on how rich our lives are because of their presence in our family.

It does pull at my heart strings to even daydream while writing this post about having that other person in our family. At what "cost" do we pursue this adoption journey? I don't want to be stressed about money and the financial burden of paying off loans for the rest of our lives. But how can I put a price tag on the happiness of adding to our family?


  1. I hate that so many of these decisions come down to dollars and cents.

    I hope that you can figure out how to swing it financially if you want to add to your family.

  2. It is so unfair that finances have to factor into these decisions.

  3. I was going to say that it should be easier to get an infertility loan than a student loan...and then I thought - to hell with that! There should be a grant program!

    I wish that $$$ never entered into the already-too-high costs that you're paying to create your family.

  4. It truly sucks when finances or other things dictate whether or not we can add to our families. {{{Hugs}}}

  5. Yep. We took out a 2nd mortgage and now can't get out of our teeny house without loosing our hats financially. So, I wouldn't trade this "coziness" for anything in the world.

  6. I hate that family size isn't always dictated by what the heart wants. *Hugs*

  7. My thoughts are that...well, first, it sucks that it's a factor...but mostly, my thought is that if you want to, and you can, do. It sucks paying on just FEELS wrong...but...on the other hand, what else would possibly be better and more worth it, kwim? It's only money, and if you can do it, you won't regret it.

    In the end, I guess it's that if I'd be willing to pay 30-40k for a car....I'm more than willing to pay that for a child...maybe other people get lucky and don't have to, but the fact is, I do, so, you know...there it is.

    I don't regret it. And we've spent now around 130k on children. Gonna be paying that a while, but that's our lot in life, and if in the end that's the worst of it, I know I'm lucky, because at least I can.

  8. difficult. I like how you use the word "rich" in its best best meaning.

    Here's to completing your family, one way or another. May you have all that is required to do so.

  9. I hear you. Although we don't have debt from trying to get pregnant with Nugget and Xander, we may at one point be faced with considering adoption to complete our family. The financial impact is exhausting to think about.

    It stresses me out to think that money would very likely sway our decision. It's troubling.

  10. It does suck that finances have to come into play for a family when it should come naturally at no cost.

    I like how Jess compared it to a car. I mean that kind of sounds weird, but it makes sense. A kid is a lot more rewarding than a car you will keep for a couple years and it won't depreciate!

  11. Its certainly not an expense you'll likely regret.

    I feel passionate and very emotional about this topic. I never even got to the point of IVF, but my first child still cost me $20,000, which seems all but inconceivable when you think I only did tests, injectible cycles, IUIs and one surgery. But again, I never regret it.

    I do pray for you, that the proper next step in adding to your family will be very apparent and obvious to you both and that the funding for such will just find a way. Sometimes life can surprise us. And I think if your desire is that strong, there is a reason.

    I love you, friend.

  12. It's awful when money plays a part in what your heart wants....


There is nothing like a good pair of jeans; they shape us, support us and make us look our best. I'd love for you to share your jeans with me!