Wednesday, April 4, 2007

2 tickets please!

Well, as you may have guessed, Aunt Flo dropped off her bags yesterday--and just like Baby Blues, she came a day early! What's up with that?! Damn her. I told her I didn't want her to visit anymore, but she seems to be hard headed...

I made a foolish mistake and caved--I used one of my's to test on Monday night--Dr. Google, it's your fault! I read that sometimes a positive can indicate a positive Well guess what--I got 2 lines on my!! I let HOPE come stumbling in...Mook and I went out that night and bought some's (I balanced it out by buying a few more's so I wouldn't jinx myself). Seems I was too late. I slept GREAT on Monday night, inspired by the fact that my boobs were even a little sore PLUS the 2 lines! Tuesday morning I cheerily dropped the pee onto the stick and went back to bed for 10 minutes. I started to talk myself down a bit--I didn't have HIGH hopes of a positive--just didn't "feel" it. Then truth time: one darn line. Not even a shadow of a second. Fooey.

No tears, not even too sad (ok, I lied-of course I was sad)--almost a sense of relief to be done with the cycle. Although Aunt F.lo had not showed her ugly face yet, I knew she was coming. Sure enough late last night she arrived. Only 25 days in my cycle this month...shortest yet. So I drove to work yesterday thinking about the glass of wine I would have and the pedicure I was going to get (going today at 1!). I decided to go ahead and call my favorite nurse at Dr. D's office to let her know, and see what he suggested for this month.

The short of the long: Dr. D's honesty is much appreciated. He and kind-nurse both talked to me almost immediately after I phoned. I expressed my concern of this past non-monitored cycle--asked if we could try a monitored possibly medicated cycle. His response, "JJ, I'm just going to be honest. I don't think you and Mook should invest too much more time in this procedure. I want to refer you onto Dr. RE--I want to give you all the best chance possible to have a biological child, and i.vf with ics.i is your best shot." To quote one of my favorite movies, A Christmas St.ory, "fuuuuuuuddddgeeeeee, except I didn't say fudge." You get the picture...

Freakin' flippity frick stick!! I am joining BB in her Virtual Pity Party. But not for long...we get sad, mad and then we pick ourselves up and move on. I broke the news to Mook last night--another tough pill to swallow. It breaks my heart to hear him say, "I'm sorry I'm broken." Those words have been banished from our house! We are in this together-my ute has to behave and keep strong to host the eggs to come! I am still concerned that my L.P phase is too short--may have to get some hormone blood work done. But that will all be addressed with Dr. RE next week--thank goodness they work fast and got us in next Tuesday! I don't view this as giving up on I.UI's--we knew from the beginning that we could attempt it that way, but with the facts before us, our little swim team is going to need some help getting to the end of the race--and help we will give. ( I love you Mook-don't you ever forget it!)

With that said, we have agreed to listen, digest and think about all that Dr. RE has to say--we have A LOT to think about--our insurance covers zero. Time to start selling body parts. Depending on the plan of action, we hope to just go back to au naturel until the summer--we have trips planned and want to continue living life beyond IF!! We both want to get back in better shape--now is the time! We had dinner with our wonderful friends/neighbors last night and they have an energetic 4-year old--she reminds us how much we want that for ourselves--and also reminds us we are gonna need a lot of energy! She was the one that brought the first tears of the day to my eyes: "Ms. JJ, I want to make you a bracelet like mine, cause I love you." Ahh, kids....

So here we are. I don't think it's fair I call us "Stage VI: The Veteran Infertile" yet, but buying 2 tickets for the I.VF train may get us some sort of diploma...stick with us as we enter into this new phase. Please pray that we are able to find a way to make this work where $$ is concerned!

P.S. Thanks for ALL the great IF shirt suggestions. There will be many shirts hanging in my closet for sure!


  1. I'm sorry that this cycle didn't work for you and Mook! I'm the one standing around waiting for AF, send her my way, would you? She must have gotten her visiting plans confused.

    I hope you and Mook will enjoy spending some time together before hoping aboard the IVF train. And maybe win the lottery in the meantime :)

  2. I'm sorry the unmedicated IUI didn't work for you and that you're boarding the IVF/ICSI train. There's no doubt it's hard news to hear. It's great that you're able to get in to see an RE so quickly though. I hope all goes well and you're able to figure out the financial aspect of your new path.

  3. I'm so sorry. :-(

    You sound like you're being so strong for Mook, but I know how much it still must hurt. Good luck at the RE...and with the ivf planning. (and, I also hope you win the lottery.)

    thinking of you!

  4. AH RATS!?! - I was rooting for this cycle - I am very glad that you already have an appointment with Dr. RE -I hear they have connections with the stork response team. I completely understand the insurance paying for Zero - If you do research on what body part you can live with that has a high demand and currency return, let us know - I may need to start that also

  5. Sorry to hear she showed but I think you've got a great attitude about it. And I also think it's great that your dr. was so honest with you. My RE to me just before my 2nd IUI that he really thought we should skip to IVF, given my condition. But I had it in my stubborn head to try one more IUI and then, of course, we had to board the IVF train (but it wasn't such a bad ride!
    Wishing you all the best on the next go 'round!

  6. ((((hugs)))) I'm so sorry the cycle didn't work. Good luck eith the RE, keep us updated!!

  7. Sonuvabiatch! Sorry you got a negative :-( Good luck on the IVF train, I promise its not as bad as it seems. x

  8. I'm sorry JJ! You seem really positive. I hope the money finds it way to you for IVF. I'll be thinking about you.

  9. I'm so sorry, sweetie! Praying for you.

  10. Sorry sweetie, I hope you feeling better soon. Best thing to do is go and see this doc and see what he says, get them to check your progesterone aswell. Keep your chin up, hugs for you :)

  11. Thanks for the comment on my blog and I am sorry things didn't work out this time. But hop on board the IVF/ICSI train with us, it'll be a scream.
    Loved the do you do all those great graphics? Anyway, enjoy the wine, I am envious but know I am abstaining for a good reason (she says chewing her knuckles with deperation!)Take care

  12. It's great to hear you making plans for trips, getting pedicures, etc. You have to take care our yourselves and your relationship. That was the one good part about about the struggle for me and my husband: finding special ways to make life enjoyable (for me, that meant frequent appointments with the massage therapist). Best of luck on the IVF journey. Sending you money vibes...

  13. i'm so sorry. i was really hoping. it's great that you're not letting this take over the rest of your life. i hope the RE appt goes well.

  14. Aww, damn and sorry for the belated message.

    Mook sounds lovely by the way, its good to have someone supportive by ones side :) and you sound positive enough, considering, that always helps too :)

    Wishing the best for you both ans hoping it works for you next time.

    X Artblog

  15. I'm sorry that this wasn't THE cycle, but I'm sending you lots of good thoughts that all your dreams come true soon!

  16. When I was just getting on the IF train, I wanted to do IUI's because they were "less invasive". That was my total rookie perspective. When I think about all the time and money I spent on the 3 medicated IUI cycles, I always recommend to others to skip them and go to IVF. Especially if it is out of pocket.

    One place I can help you save a few You can get ovulation predictor and pregnancy test sticks for about $1 each.

    Hope your RE appt goes well!

  17. Sorry you had to move up the ART ladder. I'm also contemplating whether to do another IUI or jump into the IVF wagon. I'd do IVF in a heartbeat, but it's just painfully expensive.

    I love your positive attitude! Hang on to it. Good luck on your next step. I'll be checking on you.

    Happy Easter JJ!

  18. Really sorry your cycle didn't work out.

    I also had to put a stop to husband blaming himself and apologizing to me. It's a team effort.

    Oh, and welcome aboard...

  19. I'm so sorry. I'm right there with you and ready to jump back on board the IVF/ICSI train even though its chucked me off twice now!

    I'm sure that if we jump on it enough times we'll make it to the end of the line! xx

  20. I just had to pop by to say I also love Old Town Alexandria!—I actually lived there for about 7 of the nine years I was down in the DC area. *sigh* How I miss my Misha’s coffee and waterfront walks through those cute streets! :-)

    Hope AF has flown the coop by now so that you can focus on next steps!

  21. you actually sound really upbeat about everything and that is a GOOD thing.

    four years ago, my DH had a really, really low sperm count (a bit less than half a million) but we got pregnant when he was taking pro.viron 2x/day. i'm not sure if that's what got us knocked up though. with one of my ovaries being polycystic, i'd say my first pregnancy was nothing short of a medically unassisted miracle.

    anyway, we had DH checked out last month and his sperm count's way, way up. It was over 77 million up from about 40 million last year. the only thing my RE said was that his liquefaction is slow. i wish i could tell you how we managed to get his count up so high but the only thing he's ever taken was pro.viron and as i said i don't know if that was even our winning ticket. i'm just glad that he avoided surgery.

    now that he's ok - the pressure's on me.

  22. "Another 2 tickets please." Joining you on the train. God I'm scared!


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