I had a solo lunch today at a local deli, and as I grabbed for some napkins I bumped into a very pregnant woman--she looked to be a few years older than me. I apologized profusely--I did not bump the belly thank goodness! She was very nice about it, and even struck up a small conversation about the crazy weather. As we said our goodbyes, I was having this imaginary conversation in my head that involved me asking her: "Did you struggle to get pregnant, or did it come easy for you?" Her imaginary response being: "Oh you have no idea what we had to go through to get here--I wouldnt wish this on anyone." Which would carry onto a full conversation about her getting pregnant and what Mook and are going through....sharing stories/strategies/doctor recommendations....and then we would exchange numbers and she would keep in touch to help me with any questions I might have.....
So what kept me from having that conversation? For a few reasons: one being pure respect for her privacy...but the second reason is because I would be afraid of the other side of her answer: "Oh, we got pregnant by accident!" or "Haha, yeah we got knocked up the first try." Then I would feel hurt and disconnected...like we didnt share the same journey.
But I know there are those "lucky ones" out there who DID struggle to get pregnant that want to share their story and even those who are lucky "the first time" BUT not naive to how hard it might be for others. I echo the comments made on the town criers about a secret handshake/ear tug/nose wiggle--I just wish more of those were around me!
When (not if) I get pregnant, I want to have a shirt made: "Do you know how hard it was for me to get knocked up" All other suggestions welcome--I'll have a closet full! Suggest, suggest, suggest!
PS-Still no "signs"
I was just thinking the same thing earlier today with several pregnant ladies that I had encountered. Maybe:
ReplyDelete"Don't assume I got to this state by having sex."
Of course, maybe then they'll think you're bringing along the next messiah.
I've thought about putting the dollar amount on a shirt right across my belly, something like $25,000 baby!! I might still have to do that...
ReplyDeleteBut, yes, a secret sign would be great : )
I know that *when* I'm pregnant, I'm going to want people to know that it didn't come easily so my belly doesn't cause pain for people who are struggling. I'm thinking something along the lines of:
ReplyDelete"Eagerly awaiting my miracle of modern medical science"
or, if I'm really lucky:
"Eagerly awaiting my miracles of modern medical science"
Hi there,
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for the post. It really is great to know that I have some support out there. I totally agree, how great would it be to have a secret sign? I am all for the t-shirt idea. I'll let you know if i come up with a good one.
It is important to believe that it will happen for you. My mantra was NEW CYCLE = NEW HOPE. Whether it is a IVF cycle or natural cycle, you have to believe that it could happen this time.
ReplyDeleteI want a t-shirt that says immaculate conception. there actually is a maternity shirt that says that, but it's a madonna shirt. and you have to sort through offensive crap for fertile people like the "my hubby's not shooting blanks!" shirts to find it.
ReplyDeleteI love that idea, I'm sure I'll manage to come up with a few snarky ideas if I put my mind to it... 6 years of IF bitterness should pay off with one or two I'm sure he he.
ReplyDeleteQuite often I see pregnant women and the first feeling I have is bitter jealousy... but then sometimes I think - she could be "one of us". Someone really should come up with that secret sign, and soon!
ReplyDeleteT-shirt:
"My doc knocked me up"
Master Card Conception. I wonder what kind of comments that shirt would generate.
ReplyDeleteI like this idea!!
ReplyDeleteMy idea: "$25,000 got me this belly - and my doctor a new BMW."
HA! Let me know when you create your shirts! Totally agree about having some way to know the women who get "it" about the trying to get pregnant.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean--I really wish I had someone around where I live that I could grab a beer with and commiserate about all of this. I love the idea of a secret handshake. :-)
ReplyDeleteI always thought that if I got pregnant I'd have a shirt made that said something to the effect of, "Work of A.R.T. in progress" with an arrow that turns into a heart around where the belly would be. Feel free to use my idea!
ReplyDeletePeople have suggested this before, and came up with the 'common thread' idea that you'll see on many infertile blogs, I think it was Lut who started it, can't remember. But look in ppl's toolbars, you'll see the pomegranite thread link.
ReplyDeleteA t-shirt is a bit much for me, I'm so bloody open about our infertility anyway that it doesn't take a shirt to get me going!
What a great idea....what about something like:
ReplyDelete"Hand made in the USA"
or replace USA for the country where you live.
The comments made me laughing. There's so many good suggestions!
ReplyDeleteI'd simply place...
"Worth the Wait"
"Baby Finally On Board"
"My A.R.T. project"
rI think about doing the same thing!! We should all get to gether and make our own. :)
ReplyDeleteThere is a site where you can buy TTC tshirts, but none that really deal with infertility. I can't for the life remember what it is!
Here's the siteyou ladies might be interested in. Got it from Saras-P.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post. That is my fist time here on your blog!
ReplyDeleteWhen I get pregnant I want to have a different kind of baby shower, a gratitude shower and I'll let people know how grateful I am and how hard it was.. I want to make the super fertile moms more aware of infertility and how blessed they are not to go through what we did...
My shirt would say:
"Worth the wait"!!!
Cafepress.com has a onesie that says, "Made in a lab." I am all for dressing my baby ('cause there will be one, ok) in that! Of course, when the kiddo grows up, he/she might be embarassed by that, so I guess I won't allow any photos in that outfit!
ReplyDelete"i have a crazy sex life"
ReplyDeleteHmm... I just commented on Follie Files that I didn't get the whole t-shirt writing thing, but I guess I see where you're coming from now. There's a lady at my office who's expecting twins next month (on my birthday). She looks a little older - maybe her late 30's, and I'm DYING to ask her what it took for her to conceive, but I just don't have the nerve, so instead I imagine that she's spent that past 3 years struggling and these are her little blessings that have come along just in time.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Anns xo
I *heart* my embryologist
ReplyDelete***Made in Japan***
...in a petrie dish...
RE IF MF IVF ICSI AH: it takes an alphabet
Every time a fertile says "just relax", there's a baby somewhere that disappears
Okay, I admit I wouldn't wear the last one. But I wish I had to balls to do it.
I followed the trail from the comment you left on mine. I too wish there were more people around I could share this with, or a way to tell who they are. But it's good to see the we're well represented in the blogsphere at least.
ReplyDelete