Monday, August 20, 2007

Umm...2 steps forward....2 steps back

Remember that Ab.dul song? Man, those were some good tunes back in the day....please tell me there are some of you out there that frequented a roller skating rink in the 90's--that was ALL the rage in my town--I could skate circles around ya=)

Whew, I could have gotten really off topic there--but the title of my post is true. How do we begin to move forward? What are our next steps? I am a planner....I need a plan. So Mook and I have discussed our next steps quite a the point where we need a break. I go back and forth about doing the FET before the end of the year--but the more I look at our calendar, and with the holidays, I dont want to put even more stress on ourselves. I am currently stressing about the cost of 'babysitting' my three frozen babes--I don't like to think about that cost coming in soon. I also don't want to rush into that decision just for cost alone--that won't be good for all involved.

So the stepping backwards part: going the good ole DIY road. Oh it just gives me the heeby-jeebies when I really think about it. Isn't that how we started this whole process? It seems almost silly to think we should go back to no meds, no doctor appointments...and what I am debating is how 'technical' I should get with our DIY's--I dont want to mess with the temping--that just makes me crazy. So my question is for all your gals *and a few gents* is what is the best ovu.lation test I can get--and where--is E-Ba.y too weird?? I am willing to go to the big guns as far as monitor, IF that is the best thing to do. I know that I DO ovulate...I just need to know when so we can get Mook's swimmers there at the right time!

And I could change my mind tomorrow...who knows. We had a few tense moments this weekend when we really weren't on the same page--and thats hard for me. It's got to be the both of us being 100% committed to whatever the decision is. He is the one that suggested putting off the FET (we were thinking October) and just letting it be....he's admitted that the stress and unhappiness that this failed cycle has put on both of us (esp. me) has worried him--and he thinks we need more time to heal. One smart man I've got. I want SO BAD to move on and have our baby. He's being the calm in this storm...we just have to "ride it out...and get to shore eventually."

But then I want to throw myself on the floor, kicking and screaming that "I don't wannnna wait!!!" And I don't. But he and I have got to make it through this together, so we'll come to an agreement, and then move on...that decision may not come today, but soon...

So any suggestions/advice/etc would be much appreciated. Help me feel more at ease about making this FREE time (and I mean free from meds, wandmoneky's, etc.) enjoyable and maybe even....... successful?(wow, is that you my long lost friend hope?)


  1. I am so back in the rollerdisco in my head. Alhough for me it was in the 80's.

    By the way I think you're a "Rockin Blogger" so come over and get your bling.

  2. I was definitely a fan of the roller rink in jr. high!

    We've decided to take a break until January, and I have mixed feelings about it. Like you, I don't want to chart or obsess about TTC during our treatment break, but old habits die hard! It would be awesome to get pregnant in the bedroom in the next few months, but I also don't want to turn into fodder for the circuit of "I knew this couple that did IUIs and IVF and they finally just gave it up and relaxed and BOOM! got pregnant." But, you know, I'd pay that piper for a chance to have a baby.

  3. It really is hard trying to get two people who have a common goal in mind, but one is XX and one XY to agree 100% of the time. I totally understand both of you needing to agree! Hope that agreement comes sooner than later.

  4. When I was still doing treatments and I took a break in between, it ended up being the most relaxing time and wonderfully refreshing. I didn't want the break, but found out I needed it! Good luck!

  5. To answer your question in the comments of my post - no, I'm not using a monitor during our break. I've actually never used one, and I don't really feel like hassling with something new.

    And yes, I've read all those books that I recommended in my last post; they are all really helpful!

  6. LOVE that song and the video was so cool with the animation!

    I totally understand where you are in trying to come up with a plan. Even though we are in different positions, we are both trying to come up with something concrete and it is just so so hard to do. Especially when you and DH aren't on the same page. I can surely empathize with you.

    As far as ovulation tests, I use the Clearblue easy digital ones. I get them off of Ebay and I've always had good experiences with them. I've never used the CBEFM but I know women who swear by it. I just never invested b/c I heard it doesn't work well when you're on Clomid.

    I hope a "break" is just what you need. You're always in my thoughts :)

  7. Funny enough, I often think of that song in regards to dealing with IF. I understand how difficult it is to come to terms with taking a break (or not taking a break). I'm a planner as well and I know just letting things go can be really difficult.

    I use the Clear Blue Easy monitor and love it. I don't, however, love the cost of the test sticks ($50 for a box of 30), but it does work and it does help with keeping track of things in a consistent way. I tried OPKs for a few months and drive myself insane trying to determine if the line was "dark enough" so I'll never use those again. I would consider the monitor, it's always nice to have!

    Good luck! :)

  8. I yes i was a speed skater - even had my own skates (black skates w/ neon pink shoelaces) woohoo

    Ok ok so to answer your questions. I did buy a CBE Monitor on ebay and i have to tell you i LOVE LOVE LOVE it. Its super easy and pretty low maintainence. Pee on stick, walk away and the computer will do its thing ... Just throwing that out there - Yes it is bes tto be on the same page, less feelings get hurt, arguments, tension and all that brewhaaahaa that IF creates. Good luck in whatever you decide is best for you. I do know ALOT of people do not cycle during the holidays - alot of people get stressed and cycling is already stressful ... so You know what is best for you and Mook. Maybe your DIY cycles will bring you a "just relax" baby, ya never know ;)

  9. my roller disco time was in the 80's. . . :) i can't think of much that is more difficult than reaching total's hard, and can be exhausting. i hope you and Mook can come to an agreeable plan soon.

  10. Gotta love the old Paula (not the crazy one that shows up on idols)

    I used the CBEFM and really liked it. I never got anywhere with regular OPKS. You can get one used, it's just the sticks that are expensive. I would wait until had a sale or I had some coups and buy a bunch

    GL with whatever you decide!!

  11. I now have "opposites attract" in my head. Ah, remember when Paula Abdul was reasonably normal?

    As far as ovulation tests, I was a CBE monitor girl for a while. It worked out pretty well, but was definitely very expensive. If you're fairly regular, I probably would just go with the digitals. If your irregular, it might be worth it.

    As for the break, I hope that it does you and Mook well. It sounds like he's a wise man to suggest taking the time you need to heal.

    No matter what you decide, I wish you all the best and am thinking of you!

  12. You won't believe it but I have that tape sitting here on my nightstand. HA!~ Grumps just pulled it out of the stereo we are getting rid of. HA!

    Every Monday I skated my heart out until the place closed.

    I have been on a break but still ttc. I haven't tried hard because I want to enjoy this time. My best advice is DRINKS!!!! Lots of them.

  13. i like the CBEFM to, it rocks. This is a random bit of advice...but last christmas, i swear 1/2 of the blogospehere got pregnant. I think its the yumminess of the season or something.
    GL no matter the path.

  14. Good for you for taking a break if that is what you feel like. If possible, leave the length of your break open ended. That way, if after "breaking" for a little while you suddenly get the urge to go hi-tech you can.
    As far as ovulation tests, I use Clearblue Easy and I get them at Target. I know you can ge them online, but I always like to think that I am buying the very last box I will need. Oh, and my nurse says to use second morning urine, regardless of what the box says. It worked really well when I tried it that way!

  15. Our DIY involves sex starting at day 12 and then every other day until I get the sore boobs and slight backache letting me know I have ovulated. I don't temp, I don't check my cervical mucous/position etc. We just have sex. I don't bother with OPK's because Mr. Wonderful has a pretty low sperm count and I figure it probably won't happen anyway, so why spend any unnecessary money that can be put towards IVF.

    Sometimes, as hard as it can be, a break does you good.

  16. I loved the roller-skate nights of childhood! I wasn't such a huge fan of the couple skate at the end cuz I seemed to always be sitting on the sidelines pouting that I didn't have someone to couple skate with me...but that I shall save for my therapy session!!!
    Anyhow, thanks for the flashback. I'm rooting for you no matter what you decide. I believe in my heart that this will work out for you regardless the route you choose.

  17. ((hugs))

    I don't have any advice.. but I'm thinking of you.

  18. JJ, for a few months I doubled up on the clear blue monitor and the OPK sticks. I honestly like the OPKs quite a bit...they told me the same info as the clear blue monitor. Also, the price of the sticks for the monitor is alot. And you have to use either 10 or 20 sticks, starting day 6-9. Because I would ovulate on day 17, I would have to go through 20 sticks each and every time. Too much $ for me.

    I bought it used on eBay and it works fine. Its just sitting in my closet. If you want it, just email me at amy.raf at gmail. I'll just give it to you- I'm never going to use it again. And if I go end up on the DIY route, I probably will just stick with the OPK sticks (the two blue lines stick).

  19. I spent waaaaay too much time acting SuperCool at the skating rink. No one, and I mean no one, could skate backwards faster than me. :-) I should probably go put that on my resume.

    I don't have great advice about how to make the most of this break. With the alarming rate at which my ovaries are failing, we've NEVER had the option of a break (except the pre-IVF BCP cycles). Sorry.

    As for ovulation prediction, I've tried both the Clearblue Easy monitor and the good ol' OPK pee sticks. Personally, I'm a fan of the pee sticks. After I added in the cost of the pee sticks that go in the CBE monitor, it was less expensive to just go with the 7 pack of OPKs over and over again.

    Regardless of which route you go with ovulation prediction, make sure you use urine from around lunchtime. I think they recommend something like a window between 10am - 8pm. Apparently LH is synthesized in your body during the daytime, not overnight. Go figure. Once I figured this out and started testing around lunchtime each day, I was able to get much more reliable results.

    Good luck! Can't wait to see you next month!

  20. Paula Abdul AND a roller rink, oh my god, you're killing me! Just add the big hairsprayed hair and I'm in!

    Enough exclamation marks, sorry. Re the best ovulation kit, my RE says the Clear Blue brand with 7 sticks in the box for $50 (canadian money) is the only one that works. I'd been using the stupid dollar ones and they were quite flakey. So far I've found these ones really good. More costly but they seem good.

  21. I so get what you are saying, Frank and I have been through the same thing and it does pass, I do still have days that I am impatient and when the pain and dissapointment of failing IVF all comes back but I think that taking a break is the best thing that you can do in this situation, I am starting to feel different now, more at ease.

    None of us can tell you when the time is right, you will know and you and mook will find a way to get through this. Good luck with your DIY cycle, mine is frustrating the hell out me, it does sorta feel like we've come full circle.

  22. Skate Station here! Although I couldn't skate!I'd have to push my self around with one leg while holding onto the rail! Oh the memories!

    What clomid or IUI? My therapist suggested those two options for me when we need a break from IVF.

  23. You are too funny! I use Answer pee sticks. 20 come in a tube and I use a few per day to catch the o. They're like 20 bucks at CVS. But they expire at the end of the month so only get them at the beginning of your cycle. :)

  24. I like the Answer brand OPK's. I know the waiting is hard, and I completely understand your longing to get on with things. But it sounds like you have a wonderful man by your side to help strengthen you. What a blessing!! Hoping you guys can come to an agreement as to when you're both ready to move on to your FET.

  25. I'm going to have this in my head all day long ~ Thanks!

    Ovulations tests? I have no clue. This was one thing I never bothered with, given that I have never ovulated.

    Thinking of you... and that's in a good way, not like the image of you on a roller rink with OPKs swirling around like disco balls on the ceiling.


  26. I know what you mean when you say it doesn't feel good to not be on the same page as your partner. You can both have the same goal--but an entirely different idea of how to reach it.

    As far as the monitor--I know lots of people that have gotten one used. Not weird at all. I have a monitor and I like it much better than OPKs. OPKs made me nuts and stressed me out. Plus once I got the monitor, it was giving me a totally different O date than the OPKs had been.

  27. I think a break is great for you and Mook. As far as OV predictors have you ever heard of OV Watch ovulation predictor. I saw it on CBB and thought it was a great alternative to POS for OV. Here is the link -
    Good luck!

  28. for me the only way to deal with time off is to totally take the break. DIY makes me insane, and wreaks way more havoc on my marriage than high-tech cycling. at least during cycling we're both at the whims of the experts. what works for my sanity is MR's attitude: it probably won't work anyway, low expectations = less pressure on ourselves.

    taking a break is so hard. navigating the marital differences is so hard. it's all just so damn tiring and unfair. i'm sorry JJ, i hope you're done with this crap soon.

  29. JJ,
    I got all my pee sticks online at They were like 90 cents each when I bought 30 at at time. And if you put the code get33 you will get 5% off. (if that still works). They have HPT's there, too. I don't know that you need the whole clear blue easy contraption.

    As far as the decisions...I think it is much like if you were a regular ol preggo...are both partners always on board at the same time? And just like with other marital decisions, do you compromise when something is more important to the other person? To say that if moving forward is more important to you than Mook's feeling to wait, then maybe there is a compromise there?

    I just know how nothing ever made me feel better than knowing I was on the road to the next try. Even setting a date might be helpful. Like, say, if you wait till after the holidays, arrange for you to start in January. It really isn't that far away.

    I wish you the best!

  30. oh, and I forgot!

    We had a Skateland, too! Oh, the afternoons waiting to be asked to skate couples with boy of the hour! They just tore ours down about a month ago and I almost cried!

  31. Oh, honey, you wanna talk roller skating? I was the queen of the rink in my pink satin jacket and comb in my back pocket. And, and uh, BTW, for me it was the early 80's! :) In the 90's I was a college graduate, married corporate girl!

    You asked at my blog about my fertility monitor. Yes, I absolutely trust it. My body will "feel' just what the monitor says should be going on. Well worth the $200. If I had not used it this past month I would be waiting on a period tomorrow that will not be coming...I ovulated way late. Of course, the mc could have messed me up so who knows when my period will actually start.

  32. I am thinking about getting the CBE monitor, too. I have a love-hate relationship with OPKs. I love them when they work and I hate them when they are ambiguous. I stopped charting, too, so I have no clear idea if I actually ovulated (an annovulary cycle seems to happen to me every 6 months or so).

    I love that you are so conscientious of being on the same page with your husband. And I like your plan. If I may offer one piece of assvice, I highly recommend both of you have an "uncle" card for if the plan just gets too tough. Pull out the uncle card only when the going gets so tough and then it gives you the option to reassess the plan and determine a different or accelerated course of action.

    Best of luck with it all. Thinking of you sweetie.

  33. Oh yea! I had my skateland days! I miss those worries! Agh...the good ole times. Anyway, as for Mook's attitude, I agree with him. I wish I could borrow that attitude. I think this is probably the best route for you since you do have so much upcoming. As for the OPK's, I suggest I buy mine from there and have since October 2006 when I started TTC. They have worked fine for me. They are inexpensive and you get free shipping. If you want to try them out, let me know. I will send you some to try this upcoming cycle. I have a ton! I usually buy 100 at a time, and they last me forever. Anyway, JJ, I wish you the best and hope you make the decision that is best for YOU! HUGS!

  34. As far as a fertility monitor, we used the CBFM as well. I have one if you want me just to send it to you to try it out. Its just sitting there and I feel badly for it. :-) Good luck making your decision, it a tough one. We took a break for about 8 months, I felt like my body just needed a rest.

  35. like caro, it was the 80's that were a rollerama for me.
    loved it! i was sooo cool...

    as for you and mook, you guys sound like you're still very together on this journey. the failed ivf is still really fresh and you're both still dealing. i'm sure you'll come to a happy agreement once things have settled down.

    i know how you feel. there was a time DH just wanted to do DIY cycles and do away with treatment all together. explaining the biology to him was not enough. we just had to talk it out calmly.

  36. L and I are in the same spot that you are. He wants to wait and I am quietly throwing a fit inside mt head. He's a person where the more you push the harder he puses back, does that make sense?

    You know, I have known a couple of people who tried to OV Watch. They really liked it and it seems really easy to use. My SIL used and was a very random ovulater- it predicited for her and now (annoyingly) she has a baby girl who is over the age of one. Just a thought.

  37. Side note-

    My ob said said this a few weeks back (while I was getting BC) "I am so glad to see that you are still interested in having sex"

    All I thought was, "You can get pregnant having sex?"

  38. Hi! Sorry for the delayed post on this...but if you get RE said she hates the digital moniter (this was after I had been using it for almost a year!!) and thinks it gives poor results. She recommends the regular old CBE two line test. Who knows if this this is accurate, but just wanted to pass it on!

  39. I so wish I had any solid advice for you, but all I can say is that you should look into your heart and do what makes you happy and content with all the info and scenarios you have. Be true to yourself, your dreams and your love for Mook... it sounds easy, but somehow it's the most difficult thing to do sometimes. Will be thinking of you!


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