Monday, January 7, 2008

A clean car equals a BFP?

Has a nice ring to it, no? I wonder what kind of goo.gle searches I'll get from that title...and what a positive title for my first post of 2008! Every little bit can help...

Winter temperatures have had a tight grip on those of us below the Mas.on-Dix.on line...and squeezed us a little too hard last week and we lost power for about 24 hours. Now folks like us don't like to be too cold, ya'll. So when the temps dip, the thermostat goes UP-and apparently the power supply couldn't quite handle all our cold footsies. Our home-sweet-home got so cold the morning of sans-power/heat, that I got to take my fur-baby to work with me--what an adventure! But she loved it--and she was SO good. What a well behaved child I have! I was lucky that my place of employment was understanding and gracious. We did not get power back until the wee hours of the next morning, so Mook and I dragged out the sleeping bags and blankets and cuddled up next to our gas fire place-thank goodness for that! I think God has a way of knowing when people need a reminder to re-connect and get back to basics--and that's just what this night did for us: no TV, computer, or other distractions. We played games, laughed and cuddled...and made the best out of our frigid night!

However, those frigid temps made a quick exit just in time for the weekend! That led me to drag out the bucket, sponges and cleaners--my car has not had a thorough cleaning since July. Now before you make an "ewwww" face-I have been a good environmentalist and obeyed our water-restrictions since August. Our state has been in severe drought, and I didn't think that washing my car was a high priority when we werent sure we'd have fresh water coming out of our taps. So with the recent lift on the restrictions and warm temps, I knew that this was the perfect time to take care of Ox (her name is after Babe the Bl.ue Ox)

But in July when Ox got "the works" was the week before our embryo transfer--funny how I even remember that...but I do. I remember driving the hour back from the clinic, lying flat in the back seat looking out the window to a cloudless sky--feeling so hopeful. And I remember the smell of my clean car. I remember thinking about putting car seats into the backseat where I was lying-how so much would be different come April. I remember looking so fondly to the front seat where Mook was driving-he was being so careful so that he wouldn't hit any bumps to upset Pearl and Jam. I remember the clean floor mats-they still had "vacuum lines" on them...

So on Sunday, there I was 6 months later...sitting in my front seat with tears streaming down my face because the smell of car-cleaners brought back a flood of memories....and here we are about to go through another transfer. My mind was all over the place: what if I wash the windows different this time? What if I vacuum only the front seat? What if, what if, what if....?
Then a song came on the radio as I sat in my daze..."Stron.ger" by Kanye W.est--and it was an instant jolt of adrenaline: I kept repeating the lyrics over and over again: "That, that don't kill me, can only make me stronger." (the hip-hop lover in me coming out!)

I finished cleaning my car with a smile on my face--I may not be able to change the course of our FET outcome with a clean car, but it sure does feel good to have cleansed not just my "ride" but my mental state!




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More soon on results of my appt. this coming Thurs, and Mook's and my steps towards healthier couch-time.

40 comments:

  1. I hope a clean car equals a BFP for you!

    And if you're bored, you're more than welcome to come visit and clean my car too. :o)

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  2. Funny how those feelings can just come flooding back, isn't it? Way to go on the wash! On both counts!

    I've missed you, by the way.

    We're undergoing transfer next week...wanna do the 2ww obsessing together?

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  3. Glad you got some good cleaning done! I pray that this upcoming FET is a success.

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  4. I can imagine the memories the clean car evoked.... I'm glad you dealt with them right then and there, but I'm sorry you had to. I too wonder what might bring reminders back to me at IVF #2. Not even sure what they'd be.

    Looking forward to the FET update!

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  5. I am so sorry about the flood of memories that upset you as you cleaned Ox. (Love the name by the way). Having that song come on the radio must have been a little bit of kismet. So glad to hear you are doing well otherwise. Thinking of you...

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  6. JJ, I really hope this upcoming FET is going to stick. I am praying for you and Mook.

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  7. So happy to hear that you rallied and made the car wash a positive experience.

    I'm hoping with all my might for you and Mook and this FET. Glad to hear from you!

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  8. Now, you know I saw the title and had to read further! Come on, I was hoping to get some new tips...like, exactly, how should I clean the car to get pregnant?

    Glad you cleaned out some mess.

    Good luck with the FET!

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  9. There is nothing like a clean care to get you in a good mood and feeling hopeful. I always feel drab when I have to drive around in my dirty car. I am wishing you all the best in your transfer! Update us soon on your appointment on Thursday!

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  10. Thank you so much for your support.

    This post made me cry for your, because I could just feel your pain at the mere smell of clean car. . .

    Then I was singing with you! I love that song!

    Prayers, thoughts, and tons of love for your appointment and everything else to go smoothly.

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  11. My car could use a cleaning too, but I haven't gotten around to it yet. Sorry you lost power--it was frigid last week!

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  12. A good cleansing of anything can make you feel so much better!

    I want this for you so bad, girl!

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  13. Your post made me laugh, then made me sad...then made me laugh again (just picturing you rappin'...LOL). I have everything crossed that this is the time for you...clean floor mats or not.

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  14. It's funny what sticks in your mind. I had chocolate covered almonds and thai chicken noodle salad on the day of my transfer. And now chocolate covered almonds and thai chicken noodle salad make me want to cry.

    And I won't be eating either of those on the day of my transfer this time around. I wonder if the embryos didn't like the tastes?

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  15. Um...should I be embarrassed to admit that I've never washed my car?

    Even if it's not the clean car that does it, I'm rooting for a BFP!

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  16. COld Climate and no HEAT .?? Makes FL sounds better in the winter (for now) Glad you survived

    I am cheering for this next round

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  17. Aren't memories crazy? And what triggers them?

    Hoping that a nice clean car does equal a BFP for you!!

    (and I had that song on my drs appt playlist for all of December! Love it!)

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  18. Good Luck!!

    I love that song too. It always makes me smile.

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  19. I have an inner hiphop girl too! Only certain songs but this one gets me every time!

    Yay for feeling a bit more positive. Gotta take what we can get here sista.

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  20. I can't wait to hear about your appointment this week, and I have the highest of hopes for your FET (personally, I am fond of FET's)!

    :)

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  21. i have soooooooo mcuh hope for you.
    and you know what, you are *stronger*

    thinking of you.
    xoxoxoxo

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  22. It's amazing how some things just bring back a flood of memories. I pray that your FET brings positive results! Good luck!!!

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  23. I have missed you. I am glad to hear that you are looking for more positive couch time. That is always important. I love the fact that you played games and laughed. That is important too. We pull scrabble out at my house every now and then even when we have electricity just to remember how it used to be when we weren't always thinking about getting a bfp. So sorry you had a troubling day. It sounds like you got through it in a good way. We all have those days everynow and again. Glad you found a song that makes you "Stronger".

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  24. I love reading your posts, you are such a good writer!

    I hope that the transfer brings you a BFP!

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  25. Dear JJ, I am holding hope for you and praying for a BFP soon! HUGS!!!!

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  26. Oh hun...I'm so excited for you!!! I hope your transfer goes great...I can't wait to hear about your up and coming BFP! ;)

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  27. There's nothing like a clean car (at least for the short time that it stays clean). Hope that the clean car does the trick!!!! Good luck on Thursday!

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  28. Sending you wishes for the best of luck! A sparkling clean car can't hurt, that's for sure!

    I have a big smell/scents memory connection too. Funny how that works.

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  29. Ahh, Kanye- always inspiring a refreshed outlook on life! I love that this is what recentered you. I, too, am guilty of finding strength from Kanye. Now that you've had that cathartic car-cleaning experience, you are super ready for the BFP. I'll be sending up some prayers for you!

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  30. I so hope that your FET is a success hon.

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  31. Best of luck with a new clean slate! Or car. :)

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  32. Great title:)

    Isn't it crazy how the smallest things we do make us think how it could affect our ttc state? But I'm glad to hear that cleaning your car ended in a positive mental state.

    Here's hoping 2008 brings more positives!

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  33. I hope the clean car = BFP. You deserve it.

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  34. I am praying so hard that this is it for you sweetie, I hope that 2008 is a good one for you and mook and that all your hopes and dreams come true, you deserve it!

    Love and hugs xxx

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  35. It's amazing how smells and sounds can illicit such strong emotions and memories. I'm sorry it all came flooding back.

    I can't tell you how much I'm hoping for you and thinking of you with the upcoming FET, JJ! I'm wishing you ALL the best in '08!

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  36. Good luck with your transfer. It's funny when the weirdest things bring back either good or bad memories. Oh yeah...I'm a bit of a hip hop girl myself and like that song by Kanye. Keep em coming!

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  37. Okay. I need to go wash my car RIGHT NOW!

    But a great post. It made me feel you in your moments. ~hugs~ and I'm rooting for you!

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  38. Ah yes, that song has song of become my infertility anthem (at least until the next song like it comes along).

    Good luck sweetie.

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