"Realizing"

Our film: "Realizing"
Presented for the 4th International Infertility Film Festival:
Finding Out, Letting Know, Realising

Over the span of time that Mook and I have known each other, we have come to realize many special things about each other, our relationship,
and our hopes & dreams.
We realize (without a doubt) that our biggest hope and dream is:
to become parents.

Enjoy our entry as well as others that you can find: here.

I take it seriously.

It being spring cleaning. I had a few days off for the holiday, and used my time wisely to get a few things off my to-do-list:

shave my legs (seriously, it was scary)
finish off a hollow chocolate Easter bunny (it was going to go to waste)
whoop Mook's butt @ Ping-Pong (I'm a mean Ping-Pong-er)
work on/submit my IIFF entry (there are still 2 days left to enter!)
organizing blog layout (check out the picture sideshow on the left column)
find/bid/win a Wii on E-bay (I'm going to waste-away playing Guitar Hero)
donate to Team on the Road (do your part to support March of Dimes!)
talk to Mook about talking about our next steps... (I'll explain further)
buy more tampons (clearly not)

There is more on the list, but I know you aren't interested in hearing about me shopping around for better car insurance, or the stern conversation I had to have with our pest control service because we have ants invading our kitchen.

Anyway...so the blog has gotten a few tweaks! I added a slide show so you can click at your pleasure to see updated photos of the doggies, and other random photos. The NC Bloggers met on the 15th, and we snapped a photo after lunch--be sure to look at the beautiful ladies! It was wonderful to be with each one of them-hope we can do it again soon.

I've put up my first poll! I've been writing for the Infertility Diaries for a month, and would love any feedback. Thank you to those of you who have visited and passed along your thoughts/comments-I greatly appreciate it. Also, keep an eye on this widget-it will let you know each time there is a new post. There is a weekly series on Fridays, called the (in) Fertility Friday Five--come check it out!


Because I know you all are wondering about my disastrous situation the other day: yes I did have to use TP as an emergency pad to get by until I could get to the store. That's all I have to say about that.

I want to thank each of you who read Gotta have faith. Whether I conveyed it or not, it is one of the most sincere and emotional posts I have ever written. It is clear from the comments that it's difficult for all of us who are either: a) still in the trenches, b) on the other side, and c) not really sure where we belong. Two comments that really captured me were from Sarah and E , both who are mothers after battling IF. Both stated they they felt that I didn't need them anymore, and I was quick to reassure them that I do.

I need to lean back after you lean on me.

That's what a community is all about. I "get around" (so to speak) in this community, and I love offering support and comfort--that is my nature. I hope that each of you realize that I am genuine. I'm not just commenting to comment or be a false supporter-I fear that some of you feel that I am, but as I am learning in counseling-I can't apologize for who I am, so I'm not going to. I'm the real-deal-Holyfeild, and that's the way the cookie crumbles.

A perfect example of why I need to lean back: I had planned and worked on a meeting for RESOLVE in my area for 2 months, and our first meeting was set for the evening of March 12th. I showed up early to get the room set up, information ready to pass out (I even had 2 dozen Krispy Kreme donuts!) and I sat anxiously waiting for people to start coming in. 15 minutes passed, then 30 minutes, then an hour...no one came. I sat quietly in the room alone feeling just that: alone. I was prepared to be the strong one for others to lean on, but in that moment I needed to be the one leaning. I haven't given up: hopefully the right ingredients for a meeting will come together, and we'll establish a great group.

Not too much to report as far as talking about talking about the next steps, but the conversation has been opened again. After babysitting for our friend's little girl (who we adore) we got home that night and all we had to do was look at each other and know that it was time to start talking again...so let the games begin!

Before you click away, Mom Logic and REDBOOK are asking for 2 minutes of your time to take this short (and painless) IVF survey. It's short and sweet. Please help out and click: here. Thanks!

oops

To not remember (or care) what cycle day it is: peaceful


Not having a feminine product with you when you suddenly know what cycle day it is: disastrous

Gotta have faith...

As requested, here is my Mel Gibson inspired tat:
It resides on my left shoulder blade, and if you look closely you will see four colors: black, blue, green and the most faded now is yellow in the middle. While I obviously don't see it all the time, it makes me smile when I catch a glimpse in the mirror. It's also cool to see some of our wedding photos where Mook and I are dancing, and our photographer zoomed in on my back to highlight it: a great reminder of faith in a marriage.


Also, since Neenie has officially challenged my "Shoop" skills, I say that we find a third member to complete a come back trio of S-n-P! I also loved that a lot of you were rappin' in your comments! We can all get doooooooooooown together ;0)

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I found it appropriate that I got to post a picture of my cross tattoo today, because this post has to do with faith in my blogging buds. It's been on my mind quite a bit recently, and I've found it difficult to admit that it has come time to put it into words.

With my one year blogoversary having just passed, I thought about those first blogs that I sought out to connect with and how I was hesitant to enter a support group that I didn't want to be a part of at all: I didn't want to be dealing with infertility. However, I found that I was instantly welcomed--and it felt so good to be understood.

It felt a lot like my first day at a new school, when my family moved to a new town when I was in 3rd grade. I was so nervous that I had to make new friends-and how I would fit it. There were a handful of girls that immediately made those nerves disappear. When I got home that day, I told my mom I had "ten new best friends!"

At the time, I was convinced those ten girls would be with me forever! We would always love the same clothes, we would always have a crush on the same boy, and have slumber parties every weekend! As you can probably guess, that wasn't the case. After a while, some of the girls went off with another group of friends, some moved to another school. I felt like my "forever friends" were abandoning me, and it took a while for me to accept change. But no matter what friendships I developed later-these first people always held a special place my heart: they had the greatest impact on making me feel welcome.

Lately it feels a lot like 3rd grade. When I joined the "class" of bloggers, I was convinced that these new blog buddies would be with me forever! We all yearned to wear these clothes and had a "crush" on this type of man. After a while, some of the buddies went into a new group of friends(mommy's-to-be), and some moved to another part of life(parents-after-IF). It's been hard to battle those feelings of abandonment again, and accept change...but no matter what friendships I develop later-these first blog buddies will always hold a special place in my heart.

A lot of similarities in the last two paragraphs, no? I knew this time would come last summer when the rash of BFP's popped up; a lot of them being my Braces Bunch gals. So, I have moved a lot of my original blog buddies into a new category on my blogroll "Parents after IF" and I am battling those feelings of abandonment as I move each one...

I sound selfish, and bitter by typing that I'm sure...but its a demon I have to face. I have to have faith that these blog buddies will check in on me now and again, and our friendships will continue. I also hope that I will connect with new friends on this journey. Truly, I do want everyone I come in contact on this journey to be in my new blog-category, I just need to know that I will connect with some other doppelganger's in my quest to be in that category as well....

To my original blog buddies: you are the cat's meow. Thank you for all you have done for me, and I am so happy that you are now parenting (or soon to be!) after a long hard journey--I have no doubt in my mind that your child will know how much he/she is adored. If they ever have a doubt or talk back to you, you know how to find me....

To the new blog buddies that I have connected with, and continue to meet, we'll keep on fighting the good fight! Oh, and don't you wish he was our RE?

shotgun, bang!

Follow along it's gonna be a bullet ride!

• I am finally getting to my tags. I know some people hate being tagged, others love the "meme's" (what a funny name) and then there are those like moi: I don't really hate them, but when I am tagged, I have to do it. I can't explain it: I guess that is one I can list as a quirky thing about me?

So here we go, (for Chris, Rebecca, Anla, Delenn, and Luna) I think you all know the rules by now-post weird/strange/funky things about yourself so other people can feel more normal. That's about the gist of it. I'm sort of combining the one that C, D, A & L tagged me for:

1) See bullet above. When tagged, I must do it, or I feel like the message will self destruct in 30 seconds. Clearly, that did not happen since I've sat on the tags for a good month now.

2) Can anyone guess what the title of my post is from? It may be from a few things, but what I think of is the song "Shoop" by Salt-n-Peppa. I know every word to that song/rap. I get into my groove when that song comes on-I get doooooown. I dare anyone to challenge my Shoop skills.

3) Mel Gibson made me get a tattoo. Well, he didn't come over to my house and drag me to the parlor, but after seeing Passion of the Christ, I wanted a daily reminder of my faith. While I wasn't a mega-fan of the movie, it touched a chord with me-and I love my cross tat!

4) I am a chicken salad connoisseur. I love me some chicken salad--but only a certain way. I request a sample of it before I order it anywhere, because I become seriously upset if it does not please my pallet.

5) Wire hangers are not allowed within 100 yards of my house.

6) I was the last girlfriend my third grade boyfriend ever had. We still keep in touch--he's an amazing Broadway actor, and he still teases me about our love affair on stage being better than one we would have ever had in real life.

7) My dream car is a 1942 Ford pick up truck.

8) I read magazines starting at the back. (Mook does too!)

Next tag is from Rebecca:

The rules are simple. Look up from the computer, look around the room where you’re sitting and pick up the closest book. Open the book, turn to page 123, count down to the fifth sentence on that page, and then post the next three sentences.

"Define that." ~Will Hunting, Good Will Hunting.

The closest book to me is my "Movie Book of Answers" but I love using it help me get funny answers to daily issues.

Onto more bullets....

• Emily sent me an email last week letting me know about a great opportunity! This is for Big Cat Rescue--they need donations of "Unused 3cc syringes with 18-22 gauge needles for the cats shots" It's a tax deduction too--we can all use some tax $! Their contact info is on the bottom of the web page. Thanks Emily for the great idea!
  
  
• I am so happy to be a part of the BlogHer network: yay!
  
  
• Keep checking the Infertility Diaries widget on the left hand side for new posts=) Thanks for coming over to give some feedback!
  
  
• The BlgrsUnite of NC are meeting on March 15th-I can't wait to see all the NC gals!
  
  
• Momo (one of many nick names for Mosley) is adjusting well! We are so glad he's a part of our family-thanks for his warm, warm welcome-Ill be sure to post some pictures soon!

• Did you hear?
  

• I'm done now. Thanks for making it through the bullet's! I tag Jen, Cathleen and Amy
  

Welcome to the family!

We became parents (for the 2nd time) this weekend:


Our fur-family grew by bringing this precious little boy home. Our 3-year-old chocolate lab has been ready for a chew toy sibling and play mate for a while now. She has grown up around other dogs, as both our respective families have at least 2 dogs.

Mosley is 6 weeks old; we know his momma was a pure-bread beagle, but since she got adventurous one day and wandered through the fence, no one is quite certain who the poppa is.

We had been checking online ads/in the paper since before Christmas-we knew that our next family planning venture would involve adopting another dog-we just weren't sure when and what kind. So yesterday the ad caught our eye--7 beagle mix pups were up for adoption to a good home! We immediately called, left a message and waited patiently for a return call. Minutes ticked by and as we approached an hour, I begged Mook to call again--maybe they were by the phone. He never had to call again, since the phone rang seconds later. There were 3 left, and we were welcome to come by and take a look.

I drove the 40 miles thinking about the pros and cons of brining another dog into our house:

• Puppies are soooooo cute. (they also poop...a lot)
• They want to cuddle all the time! (they want to cuddle all the time)
• We've wanted another dog for a long time (Do we go through puppy training all over again?!)
• Jordan needs a playmate (more teeth to chew through my shoes)
• They sleep a lot (but never when I want to sleep....say around 2am)
  

When we pulled up, there was another couple getting out of their car at the same time. We all walked over to play with the 3 remaining puppies. They seemed nice enough: playing and talking baby-talk, but then she looked right at me and said "We plan on taking 2 home."

This immediately put me on the defensive. We were there to adopt and care for a precious pup just as they were, but what gave her the right to pull rank and put dibs on 2 before I had chance to interact with any of them? As I sat down to play, one wriggled out of her death-grip, tilted his head at me and jumped into my lap. Where he stayed.

She kept glancing over at me, and making comments to her husband "Well, are you sure honeeeeey? That one over there (cutting eyes at me) sure looks cute too." By then, she had made it well known that they had 2 kids at home. Whoop-ee, lady. Of course that leads to the inevitable: "Do you all have kids, because you know that dogs are a lot of work, especially with kids." I put on my southern belle charm and grinned back, "We have another dog, so we know that they are hard work, and since we don't have kids we travel a lot." I made sure to put an emphasis on a lot. Petty, I know--but I had to get a dig in somehow. I didn't waste anymore time chit-chatting, said my thank-you's, and dragged Mook and Mosley back to the car to head home.

The 40 mile trek home didn't seem as long as the one going to get Mo. I wasn't as anxious or fretting about the cons of having another puppy. I was enjoying time with Mook and this precious little pup slumbering in his lap. I looked over to Mook and said, "Hey Poppa." We both gave a strained grin, knowing the double meaning of that statement. So many of the events of yesterday's pet adoption paralleled to the feelings I can imagine going through in another sort of adoption...

Call me crazy, but by adopting another puppy reinforced my belief that if we end up completing our family by adopting the human kind, then we will be one happy family.