Sunday, June 22, 2008
Daily Prophet: 6.22.08
I said I would document, so I should document.
But document what?
Sometimes I forget that even the smallest piece of my day can be blog-able. Like the fact that Mook and I have laughed a lot this weekend. We've stayed close; we've cuddled, watched movies, and said "I love you" a lot. Yesterday in the grocery store, while Mook pushed the cart and I lagged behind, I saw this pack of cookies called Hit. So I did just that. I picked them up off the shelf, and I whacked Mook in the arm-hard. He wasn't happy at all...at first. Then we both broke into a huge giggle fit. It felt so good...
I've also worried a lot. I've also been sure that I was pregnant. I've also been sure that I am not.
I'm cleaning a bunch--like Izzy on Grey's Anatomy bakes, I clean. I clean because it makes me sweat and feel like I'm washing out the obsessive thoughts in my mind. It also gives me a chance to put on my ipod and sing at the top of my lungs while I vacuum, and singing makes me happy. Cleaning can also have a downside: just minutes ago, I opened a pocket in Mook's bag to find a "Great Mom's get promoted to Grandmother's" bookmark--I know he wants to give that to his mom so bad...so of course I lost it and burst into ugly crying.
With 2 days to go until we know either way, I've already decided that I will not being POAS. (peeing on a stick for anyone who needs the lingo-decoder). I know that might drive some people insane, but as I told Sully the other day, it's my way of holding onto hope for as long as possible. That's the only way I know how right now.
Gryffindor status: all is quiet. They're just studying hard for O.W.L. exams, right? (see, I'm doing my part to be positive) Nothing that I have felt up to this point has been any different than PMS symptoms. I can't depend on my ta-ta's to give me a sign, because even after a trigger shot, I'm only semi-tender and not enough to complain about. But cramps are the same-I feel more in my ovary area, but that's due to the new cysts. I hope I can explain this well--my actual vaginal walls ache--I feel like my va-jay-jay might literally fall onto the floor. Does that make sense? Don't get excited though, I've had this sensation before.
So at 6 days past a 5 day transfer, I feel: ______. It's impossible to put one word there. I'm a mix of so many things, but as far as feeling any symptoms, there ain't none.
Thank you for all the continued support and tales of no-symptom successes. You'll hear from me either way Tuesday, just be prepared for anything...
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