I said I would document, so I should document.
But document what?
Sometimes I forget that even the smallest piece of my day can be blog-able. Like the fact that Mook and I have laughed a lot this weekend. We've stayed close; we've cuddled, watched movies, and said "I love you" a lot. Yesterday in the grocery store, while Mook pushed the cart and I lagged behind, I saw this pack of cookies called Hit. So I did just that. I picked them up off the shelf, and I whacked Mook in the arm-hard. He wasn't happy at all...at first. Then we both broke into a huge giggle fit. It felt so good...
I've also worried a lot. I've also been sure that I was pregnant. I've also been sure that I am not.
I'm cleaning a bunch--like Izzy on Grey's Anatomy bakes, I clean. I clean because it makes me sweat and feel like I'm washing out the obsessive thoughts in my mind. It also gives me a chance to put on my ipod and sing at the top of my lungs while I vacuum, and singing makes me happy. Cleaning can also have a downside: just minutes ago, I opened a pocket in Mook's bag to find a "Great Mom's get promoted to Grandmother's" bookmark--I know he wants to give that to his mom so bad...so of course I lost it and burst into ugly crying.
With 2 days to go until we know either way, I've already decided that I will not being POAS. (peeing on a stick for anyone who needs the lingo-decoder). I know that might drive some people insane, but as I told Sully the other day, it's my way of holding onto hope for as long as possible. That's the only way I know how right now.
Gryffindor status: all is quiet. They're just studying hard for O.W.L. exams, right? (see, I'm doing my part to be positive) Nothing that I have felt up to this point has been any different than PMS symptoms. I can't depend on my ta-ta's to give me a sign, because even after a trigger shot, I'm only semi-tender and not enough to complain about. But cramps are the same-I feel more in my ovary area, but that's due to the new cysts. I hope I can explain this well--my actual vaginal walls ache--I feel like my va-jay-jay might literally fall onto the floor. Does that make sense? Don't get excited though, I've had this sensation before.
So at 6 days past a 5 day transfer, I feel: ______. It's impossible to put one word there. I'm a mix of so many things, but as far as feeling any symptoms, there ain't none.
Thank you for all the continued support and tales of no-symptom successes. You'll hear from me either way Tuesday, just be prepared for anything...
Hey JJ, I'm glad to hear you've had your share of giggles during a pretty stressful time. I'll never look at that package in the grocery store and not think of you ever again :-) I've been praying for you a lot lately and hoping that no matter what you and Mook have a good outcome. ((hugs)) Can you come clean my house? Pretty please? I'll make you some pierogis, that's what's one the menu for tonight (I can kind of be your Polish Izzy and you can be my cleaning goddess while we search for McDreamy hiding somewhere)
ReplyDeleteJJ, I wanted to share with you something to make you feel a bit better. With my pregnancies, I never felt any symptoms for weeks after a positive HPT.
ReplyDeleteThe way I learned it in nursing school, some women have symptoms at first, some women do not.
*hugs*
Sending love and a lot of hope.
ReplyDeleteglad you are taking the time to enjoy each other during the tough wait. I know those cookies, they're actually tasty! also good to hear you're not obsessing about symptoms. hang in there jj and mook! I thnk we all have a good feeling about this!
ReplyDeleteHooray for keeping hope alive and staying as positive as possible! I'm keeping hope for you, too. :-)
ReplyDeleteThe only symptoms I had before my BFP were some cramps in my ovary region. AFTER I got the BFP I started getting some uterine cramp and bigger ta-tas. But really nothing out of the norm until after a good beta.
Good luck!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's so fun to just let it out and be silly and cute and cuddly. Thinking of you and the House of Gryffindorf(sp?)
ReplyDeleteFingers crossed.
ReplyDeleteI *love* those Hit cookies -- the ones with the chocolate filling. Yum!!
ReplyDeleteI have been praying feverishly that this cycle was a giant success for you. Here's hoping we cry tears of joy together at your amazing news about the Hogwart's Heroes on Tuesday.
xo
It's wonderful that you guys can laugh! I'll be thinking about you and sending lots of positive vibes your way.
ReplyDeleteI'm a no to poas too, they gave me a false positive once (the only 2 days of my life that i ever thought i was pregnant). they are evil evil evil...
ReplyDeleteHoping for a nice big number on Tuesday.
Glad to hear from you, and that you and Mook are doing OK in Schrodinger's Box.
ReplyDeleteI am glad to hear you and hubby are enjoying each other so well. But also it's good you're documenting this. I had all the same emotions after my IVF #2. Sure it didn't work, and bitter about that. Wondering if it did, and then chiding myself for the hope it brought. I'm glad you only have 2 more days. I'm hoping at the end of them you get the best surprise of you life.
ReplyDeleteBTW, I never ever ever pay attention to symptoms. I had lots of cysts on my ovaries, and I knew that all the drugs make you feel whacked out anyway. I only noticed symptoms after the BFP. I say forget symptoms, they're such a myth most the time.
Hooray for you and Mook being cuddly and laughing - laughter makes even the most tense of times pass easier.
ReplyDeleteI also have insane "symptoms" when I am not PG so I also disregard everything I feel. I admire how you are not POAS - I don't think I could show that self restraint.
I'm staying positive with you honey and we'll be here for you on Tuesday no matter what!
Just thought I'd come out of the blogging shadows to wish you many positive thoughts for Tuesday.
ReplyDeleteI know how this messes with ones good sense, and how we read into everything potentially positive and negative.
Wishing for a nice strong + for you.
Much love,
Mands xx
I didn't POAS either. I think it was a good decision. I wanted to know so bad, but I was prepared to find out on beta day. That gave me a more meaningful answer than line or not. Also, I never felt anything, even now 12 weeks in, I still think I'm not pregnant most of the time. I am hoping with you and Mook.
ReplyDeleteI hear you on the POAS. Why not hope as long as you can? Nothing bad can come of not having rushed to POAS. Enjoy as much as you can. GOOD LUCK!!!
ReplyDeleteHoping and praying for you!
ReplyDeleteI am picturing piles of Gryffindor rubies filling up the hour glass marking their progress!
ReplyDeleteSaying lots and lots of prayers, and sending you big hugs and love. I'm glad you and Mook are finding time to laugh, that's fantastic. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteNot one symptom for me until I was about 6-7 weeks PG (after IVF/ICSI)...and then I was only nauseated. The only other symptom of being pregnant for me was when my son made his entrance into the world!
ReplyDeleteLots of hope for you...and lots of good thoughts. I hope your beta is unequivocally postive...go Gryffindors!!
You're in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteHey JJ. Aside from the bleeding I had, I don't think I had any symptoms at all at that point in time. My boobs didn't even get sore until I was 6 or 7 weeks (although the nausea started around 4.5 weeks).
ReplyDeleteWishing you the best of luck this week!
You know we all hope for the best for you.
ReplyDeleteit is so hard to get through the wait. and not analyze EVERY SINGLE THING. and you may or may not feel differently each cycle. and it may or may not mean anything.
ReplyDeleteand it all sucks. except, of course, if it works.
i'm hoping and wishing for amazing news for you and mook in two days.
I hope you'll keep giggling and having fun together as you wait. Waiting is so hard...but I'm glad you're not POAS-ing. I stopped a year ago, b/c it made me so much more obsessive than I already am. I'm hoping for the best for you for Tuesday!
ReplyDeleteyay for laughter!
ReplyDeletei'm a cleaner too - for pretty much the same reasons you described!
i'll be crossing everything for you until tuesday....
Good work on NOT POASing. I didn't either on my second (successful) cycle, and I think it did a lot towards my lack of total craziness. Thinking happy thoughts for Tuesday.
ReplyDeleteI have the same philosophy about the pee sticks - that and they scare the bejesus out of me.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are having some laughs through this wait. All my best to you on Tuesday!
Hoping for good news!
ReplyDeletehi JJ, i hope we get a nice good fat number on tuesday! positive thoughts and sticky vibes for you!! i didn't have any symptoms either except for cramps. the time spent w/ mook is awesome. thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteI feel you on that. Everybody keeps asking me "So do you *think* you're pregnant?" And all I can tell them is that I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not. My boobs hurt, but it could be PMS, especially with all of these crazy hormones that are running through my body right now. Who knows? I sure don't. Happy thoughts coming your way, though.
ReplyDeleteGood for you for not testing. I agree with your mindset and never tested unless absolutely necessary.
ReplyDeleteI'm praying hard for you, JJ. HUGS!
I get results on Tuesday, too - I'll be praying for both of us!
ReplyDeleteI am so anxious about this. I want it for you really badly.
ReplyDeleteMy fingers are still crossed very tightly and will continue to be that way until I hear from you on Tuesday...
Hugs! I'm so happy to hear that you're still letting yourself laugh right now. I never POAS with any of my IVF cycles. I know people probably thought I was crazy, but I just couldn't handle it. 2 more days!!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to hear that you are doing well. And seriously, I think the symptom thing is overrated and I try to tell myself about all those women who don't realize they are pregnant until giving birth on aisle 12 at Wal-Mart. :)
ReplyDeleteJJ, you are in my prayers. Giggling and hanging out is SO good to do during this time! I'm eagerly awaiting tomorrow! HUGS!!!
ReplyDeletehoping, hoping, hoping.
ReplyDeleteWishing and hoping for good things to come your way, JJ.
ReplyDeleteGood for you for getting some laughter in! Figures that the one day I'm not online (I have a conference tomorrow and then the aforementioned PJ concert), is the day you have beta. You know I'll be logging on no matter how late I get home to check in! Hoping and praying and all that good stuff for you!!! Be sure to drink some Felix Felicis before you go!
ReplyDeletestill praying....
ReplyDeleteHang in there! You'll never know until the test is done. Refrain from POAS! Be strong! And sing at the top of your lungs. That always makes me happy too!
ReplyDeleteHee. Hit cookies are actually pretty good! I think I pulled that one on H before, and he totally didn't get it (Hit cookies are German, and his father sent some, and I pulled them out of the package and *ahem*lightly*ahem* punched H. And he got really mad.). I totally had to lay it out for him. But he laughed once he got it.
ReplyDeleteI'm still crossing everything I can for you and sending all the positive vibes I can in your direction.
JJ,
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking about you. It is excellent that you have decided to not POAS.
Everything is crossed for you.
Ok, one more day to go!
ReplyDeleteJJ, I love to hear all the laughing, cuddling and I love you's. It's just what a weary worried soul needs. And a little house cleaning never hurt either! I'm praying for those little guys and you and Mook!
ReplyDeleteI'm a firm believer in no POAS. I was sure I wasn't, and then I was, so who knows? One of my friends who got pregnant with her second IVF felt the same when she got her negative as her positive, so there is just no telling.
ReplyDeleteI'm holding lots of hope for you and Mook.
I'm so glad you're laughing and enjoying this time with Mook. I'm hoping and praying for the best news on Tuesday, and hope that the little ones pass their OWLs with flying colours.
ReplyDeleteWow your beta is coming up fast! That's nice they don't make you wait for the whole two week shebang with the five-day transfer. Remember, how you feel, whether you feel positive or feel like "ugly" crying (personally I don't think any crying is ugly), doesn't affect your chances. Take care of yourself and here's to a successful outcome!
ReplyDeleteTomorrow is the big day! I have my fingers and toes crossed for you....
ReplyDeleteHey JJ.
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping they all pass their OWLs! Giggles and laughing are great: We try to do that on a regular basis, but we're both semi-crazy anyways.
Here via NCLM
Glad you're not testing. I don't have much respect for HTP's. I pee-ed on three beginning with the day that I should have started my period and nothing - 4 days later BFP. Lesson learned by me: don't POAS!
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking nothing but good thoughts for you and mook! I laughed with the Hit joke, too. Take care and I hope tomorrow is great!
I have been sending lots of prayers, good thoughts and energy your way. Be strong, sister.
ReplyDeleteWishing you the best during the wait until the beta. I hope the remaining days fly by very quickly.
ReplyDeleteAlright, I know I'm stalking you a bit, but I couldn't not give you a little hug for your beta tomorrow and to let you know I was thinking of ya. Are you ready? Okay here goes...(((hug))) and double ((hug)))!
ReplyDeleteAnxiously waiting and praying for positive results!
ReplyDeleteCome on big positive number!!!
Cheering you on here in Alabama.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking about you and hoping for good news on Tuesday.
ReplyDeleteHubbs and I are thinking of you guys!
ReplyDeleteHoping you get some wonderful news tomorrow! Glad you got in some giggles this weekend as well. It's simply so easy to lose one's mind the closer it gets to beta day. And props for you deciding to not POAS. Was never a big fan of it for too long anyway.
ReplyDeleteDear JJ, I want this to work for you so bad. I'll be thinking and praying for you
ReplyDeleteI never had many symptoms either. I went in to the re for the beta test with pg #2 and told the nurse that I was getting af. I knew I wasn't pg, I told her, because I already had a child and I knew what it was like! Well, that af I was so sure of is now almost 5! Thinking of you!
ReplyDelete