Mook has hidden the pee sticks.
But...I asked him to. On Wednesday morning, I took my first ever positive home pregnancy test, and it was wonderful. So beautiful watching that 2nd line come up. I'll never forget it--and I might not ever throw it away! It's still sitting on my bathroom vanity, and I look at it every time I go in there. So Thursday morning, I woke up and did the same thing....and then I proceeded to freak out.
Yes, the line was still there...even a bit darker, but not blindingly darker. My eyes started going cross-eyed looking at them, and when Mook came in to see me in a daze, I looked up to him and just started crying. He took my hand, and we got back into bed and he held me for a while...just reminded me that at this point it's out of our hands, and we just need to enjoy this time.
Mook left early for work this morning, so when I went into the bathroom to feed my addiction, the sticks were no where to be found. At first I wanted to cry/scream/pout, but it really is the best thing. I got back in bed and slept peacefully for another 2 hours...
So the waiting never really does end. I'm beyond grateful to be here...just in this moment even, because for right now, all I do know is that there is someone growing in there. As much as I want Monday to be here, I also want to live in this ignorant bliss a little bit longer.
I was well aware that when I typed my beta number, that a lot of you probably gasped in fear--wanting to offer well wishes, but being concerned. BUT please, please--just keep those prayers and good thoughts coming.
I have to BELIEVE that it's possible.
I'm glad Mook hid the pee sticks...those things are evil I tell you. Can drive you insane trying to interpret them. Enjoy this time and I'm sending you lots of love and good wishes for a great u/s on Monday.
ReplyDeleteBelieving right along with you JJ!!!
ReplyDeleteYou ARE pregnant, Sweetie, and that is the only thing that matters. I took a test the day of my first beta and again the next day, when it looked to me like it was a little lighter. I was devastated. I got my second beta, and then my first, second and third sonograms, and as of today, I am 8w2d pregnant with a beautiful baby. The point I'm trying to make is this.... the pee sticks are irrelevant at this point. Step away from the pee sticks.......
ReplyDeleteGood luck!!!
I can imagine doing all the same things, my dear. You are pregnant, and you should celebrate.
ReplyDeleteI am sooooo happy for you!!!!! Yay!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou keeping BELIEVING! And I'll continue to BELIEVE right along with you!! Lots of prayers and love coming your way!
ReplyDeleteI know bloggers -one quite recently- that have had lower numbers or numbers right around what you have and it's been fine. Honest. That one number, I know you might be worried it's low, but that ONE means nothing and you are SO within the range of normal. There IS DEFINITELY HOPE that it'll be alright. And TRUST ME, you'd be feeling the trepidation even if your number was three times that until you got the second beta.
ReplyDeleteI'm very very hopeful for you. I believe it can happen. Honest.
I STILL have my sticks from Ethan tucked in the back of the box where I keep my erhm, feminine stuff....and he's almost 7 months old!! lol!!
But I suggest, really, that you take a few pics. Because they get sort of faded. I remembered to do this too late, and later realized that we only have pics of positive sticks from Kam (the baby we lost) and none from Ethan. Boo!!
Here's to the waiting lasting another, say....8 months!! :)
I did the same thing, peed on too many sticks and worked myself into a lather with our mc's.
ReplyDeleteThe last pg I told myself I was just going to enjoy every minute as long as it lasted. We lost a twin but Max is here safe and sound.
I hope your little tenant is here for the long haul too.
I belive too!
ReplyDeleteAaron hid my pee sticks also... good men are like that.
Sending love and peace.
ReplyDeleteSTAY POSITIVE and stay away from those pee sticks. I still have my positive ones in the drawer, don't know if I'll get the strength to throw them away.
ReplyDeleteYour beta number was fine, everything I read said that was well within the range for a beta at 14DPO.
Don't make to much of the logistics, remember there is someone much bigger than us in charge of all this baby stuff. And I am still talking to him about ya'll every single day.
*hugs*
It's a slippery slope once you start peeing on those things. Not sure how they get their addictive qualities, but they sure are.
ReplyDeleteJust remember that they are NOT quantatitive, so the darkness of the line doesn't really mean anything (as much as I liked to read into it when it was nice and dark). Actually right before my 3rd beta, I had the lightest line so far. Of course I went into the blood draw bawling.
So that's my assvice...and I give it with the caveat that I drove myself crazy in the same way (and I kept some hidden in my car so Mr H couldn't hide them all). It's so hard to be excited and hopeful when also trying to protect your heart. I'm praying, believing, wishing, and sending every good thought I've got your way!!
Try to enjoy your weekend (and sorry for the crazy long comment)
I absolutely DO believe it's possible. Absolutely, positively.
ReplyDeleteI am a pee stick junkie so I've wasted lots and lots of quality time obsessing over line darknesses and whatnot. I've taken multiple tests from the same box at the same time (with the same pee sample) and gotten completely different looking lines. No lie.
I can't even count how many of those bastards I've taken completely apart to get a better look at the line. I'll even admit that I still have every one of them that I took this last cycle. My whole bathroom probably smells like old pee but I don't care.
I'm glad that Mook took them away, though. Sleep, be at peace, and trust that this will all work out. Don't let the devil sticks wreck your happy bubble. We will all be holding your hand through the entire weekend until we celebrate on Monday. xoxo
Nice work, Mook! JJ, enjoy what you have now, and just keep doing that one day at a time - no fears for the future!
ReplyDeleteThinking such strong, positive, happy thoughts for you! And praying like mad!! I want this SO badly for you!
ReplyDeleteI'm totally with you - you can't do a thing about it, so you might as well be blissful. And hopeful. And I will keep believing right along with you! Saying big prayers!
ReplyDeleteYeah for Mook hiding the EVIL Peesticks! Honestly I have never seen the merit in them... You have your positive two lined beauty to stare at and I *know* that Monday will yield increased numbers! Cos I believe it too!!! HUGS!
ReplyDeletemook is right. just enjoy this moment. and don't worry about your number at all. the important thing is that it doubles.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy this time because no matter what happens tomorrow, today is fleeting and you will never get it back. I know you know all this, so I'll shut up now and just tell you that you have been and will continue to be in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteOh, JJ... I'm believing with you, my friend. I'll be chewing my cheeks till Monday!
ReplyDeleteWhat a good man you have! Hang in there and enjoy the bliss. I'm praying for you, Mook and Ron! : )
ReplyDeletehttp://www.peeonastick.com/
ReplyDeletesee FAQ #9 - the intensity of the line means little, if anything. Don't stress about it!
Hi Ron - hang around, ok?
Yeah for positive pee sticks! BUT, it's good that Mook hid them...don't want to go crazy testing non-stop. I remember staring at tests several days in a row and not seeing any change and freaking out. It's so hard to judge for yourself, when tests are just tests. They're not nearly as specific as a beta, and they're all subjective. My eyes see difference in color differently than yours, right?
ReplyDeleteBut just think about it- you're pregnant!!! Yeah!!! Enjoy every minute. Hugs!
I am believing and hoping with you, and keeping you and Weasley + ? in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there - you're doing great!
ReplyDeleteDear JJ, the worrying will never end until you have your baby on your arms, but we have to learn to enjoy the moment. YOU ARE PREGNANT!!! I remember comparing pee sticks and going crazy too. I think Mook did good job hiding them. Keep on believing my friend... I am sending you a big hug
ReplyDeleteI remember expecting my pee sticks to be so much darker within a couple of days of that first very faint line. But they got darker ever so slowly. Even a week later with a beta over 1,000 the line was still lighter than the control. So definitely do not worry, and enjoy the weekend Miss Preggo!
ReplyDeletemonday can't come soon enough. i've heard that the darkness of the pee stick doesn't mean squat because from one to the next they can do that. enjoy... thinking of you
ReplyDeleteOh I got all teary reading this. Enjoy every single second - pee stick or no pee stick!
ReplyDeleteStopping by to peek at your stick.
ReplyDeleteyay!
JJ,
ReplyDeleteMy RE would have said your numbers looked great.
Keep up the positive thoughts.
You are pregnant today and it looks like you are going to be pregnant tomorrow. Say that to yourself every day.
I felt the same way about my pee sticks. I thought they should have darkened up much more drastically and I was scared and annoyed that they didn't.
ReplyDeleteI'm going crazy with the waiting until Monday, but in the same breath I have every confidence that all will be just fine.
Think of you lots.
xo
I felt the same way about my pee sticks. I thought they should have darkened up much more drastically and I was scared and annoyed that they didn't.
ReplyDeleteI'm going crazy with the waiting until Monday, but in the same breath I have every confidence that all will be just fine.
Think of you lots.
xo
I'm praying hard for you, JJ. Hang in there--Monday will be here before you know it! And I would keep the stick...I still have mine from when it came up positive with Lemy. :)
ReplyDeleteHUGS!!!
Keeping hope alive here too. I understand the need for the POAS...even after the second beta, I did not have symptons for so long I still POAS's for a couple more weeks--just to make sure!
ReplyDeletePeace peace peace sending your way!
ReplyDeleteRevel in the moment!
ReplyDeleteYou know, I experienced the same thing too this time, examining the darkness of each stick, trying to judge whether it was actually darker, and if it was, was that dark enough. It'll make a sane person crazy.
ReplyDeleteYou and your husband are right to realize right now, it is out of your hand, and honestly, it's the FIRST time you've ever had a his little child growing in you, and you should enjoy every single day of it.
I can't wait for Monday either! I have such wonderful hopes for where this will go for you two!
once again wishing you lots of happy distractions to get you through the weekend! i remember well how agonizing this time is. i'm so glad you have your mook to help you through it.
ReplyDeleteI remember when I was pg w/ my twins, after my beta results, I went home...poas and compared it to the morning results. It was not darker, so I called my nurse in hysterics, told her that i was having a m/c and needed to come back in for another test right away. She told me I was crazy. Those sticks are soooo evil. I am glad they are hidden from you so you can go on and enjoy this time. Happy Pregnancy!!
ReplyDeleteI still have my first positive pee stick, and my dd is 7. Sounds gross, but, ... it's true! :)
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the moment and live it. Very happy for you and wishing you all the best.
ReplyDeleteWell, if it makes you feel any better, my 2nd line was VERY light after having a beta of 829!!! I would have thought that sucker would have turned black!!!
ReplyDeleteBut, yes, now that you've seen the beauty of a positive pee stick it's probably best to stay away from them 'til Monday. I know it's hard - I think just like you do, I never really wanted to POAS just to keep hope alive but then when I finally did, I wanted to keep doing it, just to be sure. I bought about 10 at the dollar store after I got my positive beta. I've still got 2 left because I finally, finally, finally let myself BELIEVE.
I believe for you, too :)
Weeeelll, I was thinking that if it is coming up postive on home pregnancy tests (and getting darker at that) that you must be doing pretty well. I didn't get my first positive until the day before my period was due and my HCG was over 100! I don't care what anyone says, those tests are not as senstive as they would like you to think. I've got my fingers crossed for Monday!!
ReplyDeleteThis is not only possibly but happening before your very own eyes! I firmly beleive!
ReplyDeleteLots of love to you, JJ. Mook is a good man. He knows of our obsessive nature. I say ours because I would be in the same boat you are, if it were me. I'd have to invest in some of those cheapies from the $ store or else I would blow a month's mortgage! Enjoy this wonderful weekend. Today is the first friday you've been officially pregnant, relish in the moment.
ReplyDeleteMany good thoughts with you. And good for Mook hiding the pee sticks. Those things can make you nutty sometimes.
ReplyDeleteOnly positive thoughts coming your way!
ReplyDeleteHOLY SHIT!!! I am just catching up now. WOW!
ReplyDeleteOk so I'm sure you've read and heard this, but a low number means nothing, as long as it's doubling within a good period of time.
I am holding my breath and crossing my fingers and rubbing those angel wings in Baby O's nursery for you, JJ.
Hang in there, sweetie. And in the meantime, congratulations on your first ever positive HPT. :)
i kept a week's worth of bfp hpt's in my drawer until i packed in a hurry for the hospital to deliver missy. the lines are soooo subtle. please don't let yours wig you out.
ReplyDeletetoday you are pregnant! tomorrow is tomorrow and you can face what it may be then. see how many people you have gotten to help you believe?! smiles for you.
I got my first positive pee stick when my beta was about 50, and I kept peeing on them for the next four days (I had to use up my stash, you know). My last line on the fifth day was not very much darker than the very first faint line on the first day.
ReplyDeleteYou ARE pregnant! Yay!! Congratulations, JJ! I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers because, dang, this is finally happening for yall! I definitely believe, too.
There's no such thing as a little pregnant. It may take awhile to believe it, but you are pg! You might not ever believe it!
ReplyDeleteI have my 12 week old baby girl sleeping in the bassinet next to me right now as I type this and I STILL don't believe it!!
I peed on a stick before my beta, and got the world's faintest line. As in, hardly a line at all. The "tilt it toward the light, is that a shadow"? kind of line. I even started bleeding before the blood test. Chemical pregnancy, right? Wrong. Pregnant with twins, 91 beta. Couldn't register a decent line for many, many weeks. (I just wanted to see a stupid + test for once in my life). I ended up having a vanishing twin, but the other twin is 5 year old son now! Because I live in Massachusetts, I have lots o' IVF mom friends (infertility coverage for many of us). I have heard many, many stories of betas much, much less than yours--all with happy, had-a-beautiful baby or babies endings!!
ReplyDeleteYour beta is solid, IMHO. I hope that you have a fantastic follow-up beta and u/s. You deserve it. (And climb aboard the mommy anxiety train. It starts at the embryonic stage of pregnancy--you're right on schedule).
Hugs and good vibes to you!
I believe! Go Ron Go!
ReplyDeleteI think Brad is about ready to take away my stash of pee sticks, too. The problem is, I haven't even had the first beta yet. Mine's on Monday. But the peesticks haven't told me anything good yet either, so I can see why he's getting fed up with them. But no period yet, and I think my boobies are going to FALL OFF! Grrrr. I feel your need to saturate anything that looks like it might be a stick. I'm waiting right here with you.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that he hid them... but did he also install a tracking device in your car to make sure that you didn't go buy more?!
ReplyDeleteYou have all of the good thoughts that I have to give. If it helps at all, my beta was 30 at 12dpiui and just 60 at 14dpiui. So while it's hard to be hopeful, sometimes that's all you can do.
Way to go Mook!
ReplyDeleteSending you tons of good vibes. You deserve this BFP SO MUCH!
i did the same thing. i almost felt as though the line might not appear the next time i poas. but believe it!! and enjoy every second of this. g'luck at your appt on monday!!
ReplyDeleteGood for Mook, he's a great hubby. Even though I understand the want to continue to see improvement and not have to wait for the next appt. But, I agree, you should be enjoying these moments, right now...
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm believing with you, JJ. xoxo
I am really happy for you right now. I'm thinking positive thoughts for you!
ReplyDeleteI am believing in you!
ReplyDeleteHigh hopes for Monday's beta!
Your beta at 13DPO was 39.9, right? Mine was 119 at 16DPO (IVF, so I know it was 100% accurate.). I think our numbers are very very similar. I'm now at 10w4d and everything seems absolutely fine.
ReplyDeleteI definitely believe... and to prove it I already put you on my "post-IF blogs for inspiration blogroll."
Thinking great thoughts for you, and believing.
ReplyDeleteHey honey, I was thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to let you know that it doesn't get super darker each day. Especially this early. As long as they aren't lighter, you are golden.
With my second pregnancy, I took a test everyday and it took about 4-5 days for it to get darker (I was 11dpo with my 1st bfp and it wasn't until 16dpo where I saw the 2nd line finally be DARK).
I am not in the "pee sticks are evil" club. I think they are great and they can calm your fears greatly. You just have to realize it's not an immediate thing. It may take a few days.
So if you tend to freak out easily, then maybe not doing the daily thing is a good idea. But if you are freaked out, take one today or tomorrow so you won't be waiting on that beta on pins and needles. Stress isn't good for you!
I'm positive for you darling. If you want to pee, then pee. If you don't, don't. And if Mook hid them and really won't give them back (that is what's evil!), go to the store and my your little pregnant self one!
My goodness, Monday betas are the absolute worst. I think last time I had one then, I was at the clinic at like 6:58 in the morning (they open at 7). Yikes.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on that second line -- it truly is an out of body experience. Hoping tomorrow brings you even more fantastic, fantastic news!
Hey, your beta was only what, 9 days post transfer? I'm sure that's why the beta number was low - don't get caught up in the numbers!!! You're pregnant. Enjoy this. You've earned it. Pulling for you.
ReplyDeleteI only took a pee test after my 3rd beta (my clinic does the shorter shcedule, but I had spotting , so they did a 3rd), and that was about all I could bear.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget that Brooklyn Girls 3 year old son started out as 16, and he'll be 3 in august.
Okay so it is Monday here today and I am wishing the time zones were the other way around. I'll have to wait till tomorrow for the update.
ReplyDeleteAs for those pee sticks - I was the same and you know what....six weeks, 8 weeks, even 12 weeks down the line you are still going to want to pee on them because after such a long journey it is hard to believe there are finally two lines.
Enjoy every second of it hun. I'll be hanging out for tomorrow!
omg! is it too early to say "congratulations" ?!?
ReplyDeletei found Baby D's pee stick just the other day. It was in my computer bag inside the front pocket! I guess I put it in there and forgot about it, it put a huge smile on my face then I put it back again :)
ReplyDeleteXXXXXXX
I have so extremely happy for you...YOU ARE PREGNANT!!!! I'm praying that the baby growing inside of your belly will stay strong and healthy!! You have waited so long for this moment, and I couldn't be happier for you and Mook!!!
ReplyDelete(And for the record...I felt like AF was coming with both my pregnancies. And I've heard many women say the same thing!!)
I'm cheering for you today! I hope today is so awesomely amazing that you float on a happy cloud all week.
ReplyDeleteNumbers and our endless speculating about them suck. Next time, I will choose not to get all the numbers. The doc can tell me if its good or bad but I don't want to be able to google progesterone levels or doubling times. That makes me more sick to my stomach than the morning sickness (which didn't set in until after 6 weeks).
I am just catching up on my blog reading now, so I am way late to this. But I wanted to say I am thinking of you today for your repeat beta, and I think the one from last week looks great for 13dpo. It may not be multiples-great, but it is certainly more than or just about what my singletons did at that stage.
ReplyDeleteI'm believing with you and sending you all good thoughts today.
ReplyDeleteOMG - I need to check your blog much more often - I missed you last post with the beta/p4 numbers! I AM SOOOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU! You've waited so long for this...pee away on those sticks if you want to...you deserve it! Let us know how today goes!!! FINGERS CROSSED for you!
ReplyDeletehoping upon hope for your and mook's happiness hun!
ReplyDeletethinking of you... i hope you are having a great day and that the ultrasound was perfect.
ReplyDeleteJust checking in on you... thinking of you lots - especially today!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you today.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you with fingers crossed!
ReplyDeleteI still have my first + pee stick. It is hidden in a drawer, and still vibrant as ever. Is that creepy?
ReplyDeleteCongrats! I'll be looking for your updates :)
ReplyDelete