Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Project IF 2010

How infertility impacted your “plans”/current choices/future decisions.

Mook often has to put up with me asking: "What if we hadn't decided to just throw out the birth control 3 1/2 years ago?" "What if we had waited longer to try and become parents?"

I'm just glad we decided to throw it out when we did. That's all I can really ever answer to my reminiscent questions.

Now I find myself adding a new question that plays in a constant loop in my brain. (Where is the OFF switch, by the way?!)

How will we afford to add to our family? And the afford part? That's a double whammy.

'Cause not only am I talking about the bank account, but at the cost of my health.

Just in the past two months, I've been given bad skin biopsy results, told the cyst on my head is now in my lymph node, and I seem to have developed severe allergies to things I have never had issues with in the past.

Is my body trying to tell me something?! Could it all be a coincidence. Of course it could--but the fact that I feel more like I'm 80 than just a month shy of 30 just makes me melancholy in all sorts of ways.

I do want to give the O-man a sibling. And would I change anything I went through to get him here? Absofreakinloutley not. But I also want to be here for many more years to come.

The whole experience of getting to where we are, and where we are headed is a challenge, to say the least. But I am thankful...and hopeful. Always hopeful.

To see more of this project go to:
Stirrup Queens, Bloggers Unite

For more information on infertility go to RESOLVE

Please help spread the word and educate others:

National Infertility Awareness Week


  1. I hear you on the health concerns. I joke (sort of) that I want a baby and then I want a total hysterectomy cause I'm not keeping these damn ovaries so that they can get me back 10 years from now for all the crap I've forced them to do.
    What's up with they cyst in your lymph nodes? What kind of cyst? I hope it's all ok.

  2. I'd like to keep you around for a long time too so I think listening to your body is a good idea. Maybe it was all of the drugs you had to take on your journey to get Oliver. Maybe it was inevitable and in that case, aren't you glad you went through it all before and not later! I don't think you'll never know. What you do know is that you have an amazing husband, a fantastic kid, a supportive family and some pretty great friends. You deserve to enjoy that for a while instead of having to go through all of this medical crap. For that I am sorry. We are sending you big hugs from all of us out here on the left coast. :) My wish for you is that we get to be those old ladies on that card asking each other stupid questions while we make sure our dentures don't fall out. Love you!

  3. I want you around for a long time too. I've only gotten to hang out with you once and I had a hell of a good time!

  4. I want you around for a very long time! I know how thankful you are for O Man, but I agree that you need to focus on you now.

    I hope that everything with the cyst is just a little bump in the road ahead for you. I'm thinking about you and hoping for the best.

  5. I'm a little worried about you Sis and really hoping all turns out to be ok. I'm here if you need me..ok?

    Also, totally with you on the desire to be around. Slightly different slant but sometimes I wonder if my age will work against me as the years pass by (without being presumptuous that my health will hold out). Also Mr BTC has the same concern, obviously because of his age.

    I do gope this is just a blip and you will be fitting fit very soon xx

  6. got a bit weepy reading this post.
    loves you muchly

  7. wow, I too got teary, I mean I want you here forever...of course. But I also know that you'd love to give O a sib. My heart is all kinds of tangled up for you.

    this was a beautiful post, and I understood everything you were trying to say. Plus my thoughts and prayers are always with you...for ALL GOOD THINGS>

  8. And you know that we want you here for a long time too! Keep the hope. And we will help encourage you and be here for you all the way!

  9. I hope that the health problems come to a screeching halt so you can enojy your family for years and years to come.

  10. My health issues are a hindrance too. Every month, something new pops up (like the post-Femara abdominal pain) or a Neuro flare (like this month), and I wonder if getting pregnant will literally mean the death of me.It's such a hard thing, because Mr S is very anti-adoption at this point, and it leaves me between a rock and a hard place.


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