Monday, July 30, 2007

Not in my water....

Big 'effin Fat Negative.....heartbroken.

I already have a follow up planned for Wednesday.

I found out today that I was in the "win" category at my clinic for almost a 70-80% chance....sucks to be on the other side of that statistic.

Thanks for all the good thoughts....we'll be back to figure out what to do next.....

PS. Our pet beta fish died today
Thoughts from JJ

99 comments:

  1. KristenJuly 30, 2007 at 2:34 PM

    I'm so so sorry. Words just can't express how I feel for you.

    I will be thinking of you and sending lots of good vibes your way.

    (((HUGS)))

    XOXO,
    Kristen

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  2. ultimatejourneyJuly 30, 2007 at 2:37 PM

    I'm so sorry, hon. I was really pulling for you, and will continue to do so as you move forward.

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  3. nancyJuly 30, 2007 at 2:39 PM

    Oh no. I'm sorry. ~hugs~

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  4. Mama BearJuly 30, 2007 at 2:40 PM

    Sh*t, I'm so, so, so sorry, JJ. I'm here if you need to vent or cry. And I'm thinking of you and sending you a really big virtual hug.

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  5. Yias Yias GirlJuly 30, 2007 at 2:40 PM

    I'm so sorry. That is too bad, I was really pulling for you.

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  6. DelennJuly 30, 2007 at 2:40 PM

    Oh man...I was so hoping for you!
    I am so sorry it did not work out this time. I will keep thinking of you and hope that things work out next time...

    Take care and pamper yourself tonight.

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  7. LeahJuly 30, 2007 at 2:42 PM

    Oh, I am so terribly sorry. I'm just stunned, I really thought this was the one for you. I'll be sending you lots of love and support.

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  8. dmarieJuly 30, 2007 at 2:43 PM

    So sorry JJ. Really, really sucks.

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  9. JamieJuly 30, 2007 at 2:43 PM

    I'm so sorry -- so, so, so sorry. :(

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  10. AnonymousJuly 30, 2007 at 2:49 PM

    JJ, I'm so incredibly sorry :(

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  11. meganJuly 30, 2007 at 2:55 PM

    oh no. i'm so, so sorry, JJ.

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  12. KamiJuly 30, 2007 at 3:04 PM

    I am so sorry. It is all so unfair. I hope the next time you will fall on the good side of that stats.

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  13. tipsymarieJuly 30, 2007 at 3:14 PM

    Oh honey. I am so sorry.

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  14. TamJuly 30, 2007 at 3:16 PM

    I am so sorry sweetie, take your time to heal. Try and be good to yourself.

    Thinking of you and sending you a huge hug xxx

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  15. EsperanzaJuly 30, 2007 at 3:21 PM

    So sorry. Infertility S*CKS!

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  16. ErinJuly 30, 2007 at 3:31 PM

    UGH. I am so sorry. Nothing else to say, but just know I'll be thinking about you.

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  17. FurrowJuly 30, 2007 at 3:43 PM

    I'm so sorry. I just stupidly posted on the last entry without seeing that there was an update.

    Take care of yourself, you and Mook.

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  18. ShelbyJuly 30, 2007 at 3:48 PM

    I'm so, so sorry. This just really sucks!

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  19. KateJuly 30, 2007 at 3:49 PM

    That sucks. I am so sorry - big hugs and lots of them.

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  20. AwkwardMomentsJuly 30, 2007 at 4:07 PM

    That is a Big Effin SUCKS news!! I am so sorry - big big huges to you and mook

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  21. weavermomJuly 30, 2007 at 4:10 PM

    I'm so sorry. :(
    Praying for you!

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  22. CibeleJuly 30, 2007 at 4:12 PM

    I am so sorry JJ. My heart is broken for you and your husband. A big hug!

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  23. sharahJuly 30, 2007 at 4:18 PM

    Oh, JJ, I am so so sorry. You and Mook are in my thoughts.

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  24. Belly LaughsJuly 30, 2007 at 4:38 PM

    I am so sorry. Take care of yourself. Lots of hugs.

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  25. MandyJuly 30, 2007 at 4:46 PM

    I am truly very sorry JJ. We invest so much of ourselves in these treatments, it is soul-shattering.
    Thinking of you, and crying with you...
    (((hugs)))
    Mands xx

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  26. CaroJuly 30, 2007 at 4:48 PM

    oh no, sorry.

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  27. NatalieJuly 30, 2007 at 4:52 PM

    Awwww, I was really rootin' for ya, thinking this would work. I'm sorry that you have to continue with this bullshit:-(

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  28. AnonymousJuly 30, 2007 at 5:06 PM

    I am so sorry, JJ. That really bites the big one.

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  29. One ViewJuly 30, 2007 at 5:12 PM

    I just wanted to say I'm really sorry about your BFN. I know how hard and emotional this all is. Hang in there, be good to yourself ok and allow yourself to grieve. Big hugs to you and I'll be thinking of you.

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  30. Waiting AmyJuly 30, 2007 at 5:24 PM

    JJ, I'm so sorry for you and Mook. You deserved to be on the other side of those stats. Be kind to one another and cope as best you can.

    Sending lots of love your way. I know how hard this can be. *hugs*

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  31. Dr. GrumblesJuly 30, 2007 at 5:32 PM

    Well, crap.

    I am so sorry about the heartbreak, for the cycle and the fish.

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  32. Portia PJuly 30, 2007 at 6:17 PM

    I'm so very sorry.

    I really thought this was going to be a good one.

    Thinking of you and sending you a big (virtual) hug

    xx

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  33. Baby BluesJuly 30, 2007 at 6:38 PM

    I'm so sorry. I know there's nothing I could say that could make you feel better but just know that I'm here, thinking of you.

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  34. Changing ExpectationsJuly 30, 2007 at 7:14 PM

    I am so sorry. I thought that this one was the one for you.

    I am thinking about you so much today and am hoping that your cycle review gives some answers.

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  35. Lollipop GoldsteinJuly 30, 2007 at 7:51 PM

    I am so sorry, sweetie.

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  36. beagleJuly 30, 2007 at 7:55 PM

    I'm sorry.

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  37. catherineJuly 30, 2007 at 8:01 PM

    I'm so very sorry. You have been in my prayers and will continue to stay there.

    (((((hugs))))

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  38. JWJuly 30, 2007 at 8:41 PM

    Shitzen jj, I'm so sorry. So sorry :-(

    And my pet fish died yesterday too.

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  39. SamanthaJuly 30, 2007 at 10:09 PM

    I'm really sorry. I'll be thinking of you.

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  40. MonyJuly 30, 2007 at 10:21 PM

    Oh. Well that is heartbreaking. I am extremely sorry that the news was not good.
    Take Care. We are here for you.

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  41. annaJuly 30, 2007 at 10:34 PM

    I'm so so so sorry! We're in this together...you're not alone. I'm not giving up yet on our chance to have a baby so you can't either, cyclesista! Sending you lots of love, prayers, and good vibes.

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  42. hammygirlJuly 30, 2007 at 11:38 PM

    I'm so sorry about the BFN JJ. And I'm sorry about the fish too.

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  43. AnonymousJuly 30, 2007 at 11:52 PM

    JJ! Been there, its rotten! I'm so sorry, but don't give up girlfriend! Hugs to you...Lara

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  44. SambalinaJuly 31, 2007 at 12:02 AM

    I'm so sorry JJ. I'll continue to keep you two in my prayers.

    ((HUGS))

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  45. AnonymousJuly 31, 2007 at 3:50 AM

    NOT FAIR! JUST NOT FAIR!

    I really wanted you to join the list and how dare they place bets on patients, bloody rude!!

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  46. RebeccaJuly 31, 2007 at 5:13 AM

    Oh Janel I'm so sorry to hear that :( *Hugs you and Mook*

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  47. HeleneJuly 31, 2007 at 7:11 AM

    So sorry about your news!
    Sending prayers your way to get through this time.

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  48. The Oneliner (Christina)July 31, 2007 at 7:26 AM

    oh no. so AWFUL. you must just feel awful. i am so sorry. so sorry. sheesh, how unfair is THIS?

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  49. BecksJuly 31, 2007 at 7:38 AM

    So sorry to hear your news JJ, my thoughts are with you. Hugs x

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  50. queenJuly 31, 2007 at 8:00 AM

    I'm so sorry. IF is stupid and cruel. I'm sorry.

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  51. TeamWinksJuly 31, 2007 at 8:19 AM

    I'm number 52. Do you realize that? 52 women are thinking about you, pulling for you, hoping along with you, and we all would be there to hold your hand if we could. I know 52 doesn't change the negative to a positive. 52 doesn't heal your heart. Hopefully 52 does help you know how special you are though.

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  52. SarahJuly 31, 2007 at 9:19 AM

    oh no, i'm so sorry. can i pop over with a pitcher of margaritas and a big chocolate cake? i know it doesn't help, but we just all want to be there for you.

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  53. Princesses in Muddy PuddlesJuly 31, 2007 at 10:23 AM

    Oh sugar :( I'm so sorry.

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  54. KirJuly 31, 2007 at 10:30 AM

    Oh I'm just so sorry, that is so unfair and my heart is just breaking for you both.

    thinking of you

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  55. MJuly 31, 2007 at 10:34 AM

    HUGS....what a dreadful day. I am so sorry. I hope your new plan can give you the confidence you need to move forward....that is all that keeps me going...are plans.

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  56. LJJuly 31, 2007 at 10:56 AM

    No!!! Oh JJ, I am so so sorry.

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  57. esJuly 31, 2007 at 11:04 AM

    Oh, no. I was really hoping that it would be positive. I'm so sorry.

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  58. AllisonJuly 31, 2007 at 11:08 AM

    I am so sorry. I know how difficult this is....I will be thinking of you & Mook.

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  59. KimJuly 31, 2007 at 11:10 AM

    I am so sorry, JJ.

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  60. Pamela T.July 31, 2007 at 12:25 PM

    It absolutely sucks when the successes you get during each step of IVF somehow evaporate and result in a BFN. It happened to me so I know exactly how you feel and I'm terribly sorry you have to experience that sense of absolute shock and surprise. To be so close with all signs pointing to yes and then to have it all ripped away is crueler than cruel. Again, I'm sorry it turned out this way for you and Mook.

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  61. ThaliaJuly 31, 2007 at 1:49 PM

    Really sorry to hear your news, it's always so very brutal when this kind of thing happens.

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  62. JannaJuly 31, 2007 at 2:27 PM

    I'm so sorry!!! Sending you lots of (((HUGS)))

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  63. Drowned GirlJuly 31, 2007 at 2:47 PM

    I'm so sorry

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  64. UnknownJuly 31, 2007 at 4:45 PM

    I am so sorry, JJ. I wish this didn't have to be so hard. You and Mook be good to yourselves. (((HUGS)))

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  65. KirstenJuly 31, 2007 at 4:47 PM

    Sorry to see that :(
    I am sending hugs and prayers your way.

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  66. CLHKJuly 31, 2007 at 5:39 PM

    Me too. Wish there was something I could say, but know there is not. Thinking of you and hoping for the best during this absolutely heartbreaking time!

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  67. SummerJuly 31, 2007 at 5:51 PM

    I'm sorry. I wish you the news had been better.

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  68. Lea BeeJuly 31, 2007 at 6:48 PM

    i'm sorry to hear about the bfn.

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  69. Grad3July 31, 2007 at 7:25 PM

    I am so sorry JJ... this is my first visit but I know what it's like to always end up on the wrong side of stats. Ugh... I know that you are tired of your number getting drawn, it's like being stuck in the wrong type of lotto.

    I know that sorry doesn't fix it but I would if I could.

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  70. Baby BluesJuly 31, 2007 at 7:32 PM

    Dropping by again. Thinking of you.

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  71. Lollipop GoldsteinJuly 31, 2007 at 8:06 PM

    I'm back with the drink. All alcohol is on the house. I'm just so sorry, JJ.

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  72. lizard queenJuly 31, 2007 at 8:22 PM

    JJ,

    I am sorry to hear your news. It is the pits.

    I saw a shrink once (and another since regularly), after I miscarried for the 2nd time. It was after my first IVF and I was feeling quite devastated. But he told me something that really stuck with me, and helped me get through the hard times, so I would like to share it with you. He was an infertility patient as well, and it took he and his wife 3 cycles to conceive.

    He told me that I should look at infertility as a journey. A journey that often has many peaks and valleys. He explained to me that it was quite possible that I would lose battles along the way, but that was ok, because I hadn't yet lost the war.

    And I still haven't lost the way. And you haven't, either. You will mourn, regroup, and create your next plan of action.

    But in the meantime, be good to yourself, feel bad for yourself, and when you are ready, come back fighting.

    Thinking of you.

    Mandy

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  73. BeaJuly 31, 2007 at 8:34 PM

    Oh, and the fish too. So not fair. Hope you're both holding up ok.

    Bea

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  74. TamAugust 1, 2007 at 4:01 AM

    Just checking in, I hope you are okay, it's so hard but take all the time you need. I hope your appointment goes okay today.

    Thinking of you always, loads of love and hugs for both of you!!

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  75. ARAugust 1, 2007 at 11:29 AM

    my thoughts are with you -- I'm facing similar MF issues. those statistics are great, so your cycle will come!

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  76. Frank N. BeansAugust 1, 2007 at 12:42 PM

    Oh no! We are thinking about you. Hang in there.

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  77. andrea_jennineAugust 1, 2007 at 1:09 PM

    So sorry, JJ. Commiserating the sad news with you...

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  78. AshleyAugust 1, 2007 at 4:36 PM

    JJ, I am so sorry. Your in my thoughts and prayers. I just can't say enough to help you. *hugs* Please cry and vent all you need!

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  79. ErinAugust 1, 2007 at 9:13 PM

    I'm pretty much a lurker but I have to say that I'm so sorry, JJ. I was hoping for you.

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  80. AnonymousAugust 2, 2007 at 12:57 AM

    How'd your follow up go today girly? You doing OK? It's OK to feel sad, but also try to get yourself ready to try try again! Look at me...3 iui's, 2 cancelled IVFs, 2 completed IVFs (with a total of four eggs for both cycles - 3 one cycle and 1 the other), one donor egg ivf and they were all BFNs. That's a LOT of cycles and no bfps! And FINALLY I got one...you will too! Just keep trying!

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  81. JackieAugust 2, 2007 at 9:08 AM

    JJ-I'm so sorry. I'm trying to send you a comforting hug over the internets. Thanks for stopping by and leaving me some love even in your time of need...

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  82. CibeleAugust 2, 2007 at 11:01 AM

    Just want to say that I've been thinking about you a lot. I am so sorry

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  83. CibeleAugust 2, 2007 at 11:01 AM

    Just want to say that I've been thinking about you a lot. I am so sorry

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  84. ChastityAugust 2, 2007 at 2:15 PM

    :(

    I'm so sorry!

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  85. Grad3August 2, 2007 at 3:06 PM

    JJ, thank you for your comment and for linking me with someone who has gone through ivig (if only I could get the link to work!)

    I know this isn't an easy time for you and it was sweet that you took time to help me. Seriously, thank you.... ~ Hugs ~

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  86. Ms. PlannerAugust 2, 2007 at 4:31 PM

    JJ - thinking of you and wishing you & Mook some comfort. Really, really sorry to hear your news. Hang in there.

    Ms. P

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  87. SaraAugust 3, 2007 at 8:06 AM

    Oh no! I'm so sorry.

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  88. LeahAugust 3, 2007 at 8:23 AM

    Holy lotta comments, Batman. I came by to tell you that I've been thinking of you every day. I'm still so sad for you, I am surprised at how desperately I was praying and hoping for yours to work this time. It's so damned unfair.

    Anyway, I wanted to let you know that you were still in my thoughts, then I saw that you had 88 comments on this post. Wow! That's definitely a record for any blogs I've read. Hopefully you can take at least a little comfort in knowing how many people are pulling for you, and how much love and support are being sent your way.

    xoxoxoxoxo

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  89. Sunny JennyAugust 3, 2007 at 2:32 PM

    So, sorry.

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  90. Knock Me UpAugust 3, 2007 at 2:35 PM

    Oh no, I'm so sorry. I was in the camp with your doctor's office as I really thought you were there. This is heartbreaking and I wish I knew how to help. I had to take a bit of time away and I hope you are doing the same. It gave me an opportunity to feel really bad but knowing you guys were all out there for me to come back too was comforting. I'll be thinking of you.

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  91. Laura, the (reluctant) baronessAugust 4, 2007 at 9:25 AM

    I am so incredibly sorry. You're in my thoughts.

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  92. Changing ExpectationsAugust 5, 2007 at 7:56 PM

    JJ, I am thinking about you and hope that you are okay.

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  93. KateAugust 6, 2007 at 10:00 AM

    We miss you! I hope you are doing ok.

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  94. CibeleAugust 6, 2007 at 12:46 PM

    We miss you JJ... Hugs and I hope you are doing ok

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  95. AwkwardMomentsAugust 7, 2007 at 11:28 AM

    I hope you and mook are spending alot of time together! Miss ya - thinking of you

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  96. weavermomAugust 7, 2007 at 8:34 PM

    Thinking of you today!

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  97. AndriaAugust 7, 2007 at 10:44 PM

    ugh. so sorry. :(

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  98. Somewhat OrdinaryAugust 8, 2007 at 8:56 AM

    Oh, I'm so so sorry! I've been thinking about you all week while I was gone and I really thought I would come back to different news. That is really weird about the beta fish too! A double whammy. I'm thinking of you sweetie and hope that things go ok at your follow up today.

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  99. The MomcasterAugust 15, 2007 at 4:11 AM

    i'm so so sorry.
    hang in there...

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