Hey! Sock it to me!

I was so happy to hear that Ms. JW Moxie over at The Smartness was bringing Sock It To Me back this fall! Who knew that a pair of socks could make so many people giddy? Oh, they do.

Ive sent and received some rockin’ socks the past few years Ive participated, and this Sockeroo was no different.

This time around, I received not one, but THREE pair of awesome socks from the lovely Amy @ Justamere IVF — and I will put all to good use, since it’s about this time of year that my toes begin to freeze and won’t thaw until next July. :: fact ::

Looky, looky at my awesome knee highs (my favorite kind of sock, too) ——->

And yes, those are bluebirds on the last pair of socks – thanks again, Amy! I appreciate you helping me feel warm and fuzzy — not only my toes, but being such a great bloggy friend!

Idle Mind

My alarm clock went off at 3:30 am this morning, although I may as well not have gone to sleep at all.

The bed was quietly made, showers were taken, a look in at our sleeping O-man, and then Mook and I headed out for the hospital.

We checked in at 5am for his looooong awaited stomach surgery, and while I sat quietly and refrained from talking much (how I deal when Im nervous/anxious), Mook was busy chattering and making jokes with the nurse (how he deals when he’s nervous/anxious)

The only possession he was allowed to take into surgery with him was a picture he took of me and O-man last night – and the sweet kiss that we shared before he was wheeled into the holding room, was one I’ll remember for a long time.

Just remind me of that sweet memory next week when I am complaining about my whiny/needy patient – hah!

So while I wait in the crowded waiting room while Mook goes through a 5 hour surgery, I’m thankful for the distraction of WiFi and my fabulous friends. I’ve asked my twitter peeps to help keep me distracted by doing a fun Q&A with me today.

——>  Q&A Session <—–

Here we go

@Seussgirl asked:

• Favorite color M&M? : The tan ones that are no longer in the standard bag — they were discontinued right before the blue M&M was introduced.
• Favorite vacation?  My honeymoon to Cabo San Lucas – 2 weeks of bliss
• Favorite date with Mook?  To a little Mexican restaurant our last week of college – loved every moment of that evening.

@Alison1L asked:

• How many states have you visited? Ok, Ms. Alison, you definitely gave me a good distraction – was that planned?! I had to pull up a map and count. And the answer is: 24 — and I’d like to add Nebraska to that number

@NotAMyrtle asked:

• What is your favorite coffee and what’s your favorite coffee flavoring? I was previously in love with Starbucks. Then a Dunkin’ Donuts opened down the street, and I was hooked. I don’t use any flavoring: just steamed skim milk and 2 Splendas

@jandj621 asked:

• Could you investigate great ideas for Christmas presents? For husband and sisters-in-law. I’ve leaned heavily on sites like Etsy for personal gifts that revolve around something the person I am buying for likes OR that has a special meaning between me and the recipient. Hope that helps?
  
• Do you have an iPad? How can I justify the purchase for my own Christmas present? No – but honey, you and I are on the SAME page. I need to figure out a way to gift myself one too. Here’s an idea. You buy one for me, I buy one for you. Solved!
  
•  I always like seeing people’s days…your schedule on a typical day. What helps you be productive? You must have read my mind – Im doing a post soon of an hour by hour day in my life! Stay tuned…
  

@pregnantjust asked:

• Wheres the best place you’ve ever been on vacation and why? Ill change up my answer a bit from the one I gave @Alison1L. Other than my honeymoon, Id have to say the Outer Banks with my family each summer – I love the tradition of it, and its a beautiful place
  

@lisasjogren asked:

• How do you reduce stress? Sing, walk with some jammin’ tunes on my iPod, clean something
  
• Do you swear? Hell yes. I need to work on this…
  
• If you could have any job, what would it be? Feel blessed to be a mom — hardest, best job ever.
  
• What was your first car? 1988 Ford Marquis — a beast!
  
• Were you popular in high school? I had friends in each click. I was a floater.
  
• Do you like thunderstorms? Love them – except in the middle of the night
  
• Is the glass half empty or half full? Doesn’t matter – Im bound to spill it.
  
• What type of music do you dislike most? Can I just name a band? I like a little bit of everything, but I am not in any way shape or form a fan of Nickelback.
  
• Are you a risk taker? Yes
  
• What is your bedtime? Usually 11 or later. Another thing I need to work on…
  
• Can you handle the truth? Id rather have the truth, even though I may not always be able to handle it.
  

@LadyforaBaby asked:

• How do you adjust to life after deciding you AREN’T going to try for a baby anymore after spending years obsessing over it? It took me a LONG time to come to terms with not only our infertility journey, but what we would do if we never had kids, and now what we will do for future children–if any. I have no doubt the adjustment period has no set time limit: you may be fine for a year straight, and then get blindsided by emotions. I do have blog friends who are living child free and would be more than happy to put you in touch with them if you are interested. ((big hugs)). None of this is easy.
  

Blogger,  Melis.sa asked:

• This is my go-to nonsense question: If your hand suddenly turned into a donut what would you do? Would you nibble on it at all? Would you wrap it in saran wrap and try to preserve it? This truly made me LOL in the waiting room — what a fun question — and one I really had to think about! Because, um, I LOVE donuts. Id have good intentions and wrap it up, but there’s no doubt in my mind Id end up nibbling.
  

@BumpyJourney asked:

• What weird habits do you have? How much time do you have to read them is the question? I can’t have an odd number of e-mails in my inbox, I have to sleep on the side of the bed closest to the bathroom, I think numbers have male/female genders–i.e. #1 is male, #4 is female, etc. — I think this is from watching Sesame Street.
  

@Rottenstinker asked:

• Favorite all time date with Mook and why? I mentioned a mexican meal dinner date in response to another similar question — so my other favorite date was when he and I were in NYC together last year — we had just left a show, and were walking back to the hotel looking at all the holiday decorations and it started to snow. Incredibly romantic and we enjoyed every second.
  
• She asked me to share my Jersey Shore name and why: Bubbles. My Jersey Shore name was given to me during O-man’s 1st birthday party weekend. I’m an accident waiting to happen (I sliced my finger with a knife that weekend) so they all told me I needed to live in a bubble. Hence, Bubbles. I can fist pump with the best of ‘em, yo!
  

 @KLTTX asked:

• How about if you research all the new fall shows for us and tell us which ones look good? Oh man, I foam at the mouth during fall TV season — all the new premier and my favorites coming back! I have to be honest, I don’t know too much about the new shows coming out — the one I am looking forward to is: New Girl on Fox. And Im looking forward to NCIS:LA to return.
  

*Update* Surgery went well — some small issues during the procedure, but he had a great surgeon team. Long/painful recovery ahead, but we’re both thankful to be on the other side of this and begin the healing process!

Wordless Wednesday: Spice

May your Wednesday be full of the spice of life.

Thumbs Down

Really, did someone forget to tell me that your body starts staging an all out revolt against you once you hit 30?

On a cloudy day in May, I awoke as usual around 6:45am with the sounds of O-man singing his “Good morning, world!” song, and as I reached over to turn off the monitor my left thumb throbbed in pain. I thought, “Oh I must have been clenching my fist in my sleep.” and went about my routine.

Three months later, I not only wake up with the same throbbing pain, but it lasts all day long. Sometimes preventing me from picking up O-man.

Is it the curse of the technology age? I am guilty of being on my computer or with my iPhone in hand most of the day. So I’ve tried a slew of different things from home remedies (ice, heat, rest, Advil, a thumb brace from the drugstore) to all out not touching the computer and limiting the use of my phone to using it just as a phone (gasp!)

Last night was probably the worst its been — my thumb was shaking involuntarily and aching non-stop. So it sounds like I’ll be making an appointment with an orthopedic doc soon.

Anyone have any other home remedies for me to try as a last-ditch effort?

My Status

There are days that I feel like really telling Facebook what’s on my mind. Doing a full brain-dump to all my friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances…

But I’m just not sure how it would sound, so would you do me a favor and proofread* my upcoming status update for me?

JJ is currently checked in at the Loony Bin with two others.


JJ has poked Karma in the ass.

JJ would like to give everyone an update on how things are going. 2011 has not been the best year for me. It continues to throw some curve-balls and I would like to know when I can take off the catcher’s mitt.

After receiving news earlier this year that I have a type of skin cancer, I am currently on a break from photo-therapy treatments for 3 months. While waiting, I get to spend time dealing with my thyroid, which has basically gone kaput. If the meds don’t keep my cysts and goiters from growing…out comes the thyroid. Not to mention I recently had to have a blood vessel in my whooo-haaaa cauterised. I don’t recommend this.

O-man is 2 1/2. He’s a pure joy! He’s also a challenge, but I wouldn’t trade any moment. Has he pooped on the potty yet? You won’t hear it here, as I am not interested in sharing my son’s bowel movements, nor reading about yours.

Mook continues to travel a lot. That will soon cease for a while when he has major surgery in 4 weeks. Remember all that bad coughing earlier this year? Add that to the never-ending heartburn he’s had since he was 16, and after multiple tests over the past 3 months, he has been cleared to go through a 4 hour surgery to restructure his esophagus and remove a hernia. Trying to control the anxiety I have about this…

I’d really like to have a sibling for O-man–do you know where I can get one without multiple fertility treatments or being told to just adopt?

So that’s what’s on my mind, Facebook. How are you?

*Not that I will really ever post this to FB. But it’s nice to write it out where I know I can just get it out and not feel judged. Things may not be sunshine and roses, but just airing out the hard stuff makes me feel better.

Just Write.

I’m that kid at camp who didn’t show up until the last day.
Shame on me.

Calliope did a great series the month of July, Summer Camp in the Blogosphere, and the very last prompt asks:

“What advice would you give someone who is just starting a blog today?“

My simple, but powerful, advice:

I have gotten so wrapped up into thinking someone coming across my blog won’t like what I am writing about; that they won’t find what I post interesting.

But it’s worth trying to connect. Who know what statement you make will touch someone else. That’s what’s amazing and wonderful about being part of a world wide web community.

I also have to remember that I started blogging to get my thoughts out and have a place for me to feel safe and secure; not scared or nervous to log-in to this space that has brought me so much comfort. We all get writers-block or a blog-haze settles over our brain…but man, I have just been completely gun-shy about sharing anything.

So hear this new bloggers out there (and old-timers…) blog with sincerity of self. Be you and just write. 

You may never have a single reader, you may become the next daily read. I may lose readers, I may gain readers, but I will practice what I have just preached.

I will blog with sincerity. And just be me.

I’m curious. Do you find yourself blogging more for yourself….or others?

WTF Wednesday: Old Wound

I’d like to know where this brand new baby is that Similac thinks I just had. They were also kind enough to send me a 2 cans of formula (which I promptly donated to our pediatrician’s office).

Just when I thought I was in an OK state-of-mind…

I also tweeted this just a few days ago:

It’s been three years since I’ve been in the thick of IVF, so I’ve had time to let my wounds heal. But these little stabs are just like ripping that wound right open.

Hugging my sweet boy to seal that wound right back up.

Random Fact Friday: Clouds

I love interpreting the shapes I see in a cloud formation. What do you see?

Guardian Angel

When I was 10, I was riding bikes with a neighborhood friend down a steep hill in my backyard. We’d take turns being daredevils and during one of my turns to take off down the hill, the chain on my bike slipped off, forcing me to take a detour over to the side.

A mere 10 seconds after I had made it over to the side, my friend flew past me on her bike without waiting for me to give her the signal at the bottom of the hill that I was safely out of the way–come to find out, she had lost control of her brakes.

If I had not moved over to the side, the force of impact would have sent me over the side of the hill and in bad shape.

I may have only been 10, but I remember that day like it was yesterday–I also remember having this chill pass over me like a guardian angel was to blame for my chain coming loose on my bike–allowing me to avoid an otherwise dangerous situation.

Cheesy, maybe–but I know that I’ve kept my guardian angel busy ever since. There have been many instances, I’m sure, that I haven’t even noticed that I’ve been kept out of harms way.

But I do know that that angel was with me again last night because last night we got to take our nightly walk an hour earlier than usual, due a mini cold front came through the Carolinas yesterday.

When we were about half way through the walk, we decided to jog a bit and it was right when we came to a curve in the road where we are always careful to watch for traffic due to a blind spot. As we started to make our way up the hill out of the curve, we heard the screeching of breaks and turned around to see a car come barreling towards us. The driver over-corrected twice and ended up missing us by a few yards…ending up lodged between two trees in a ditch. Had the tree not been there, the car would have flipped with her and her child inside. She had been going at least 50 in a 25mph zone.

That moment happened where our brains took a moment to process what had just happened. It seemed like minutes passed before we made our legs move to take off running towards the car to help. We scanned the car quickly–seeing the child in the backseat and the driver frantically waving us away mouthing that she was OK. I had the “movie-moment” where I panicked that the car was going to burst into flames due to the increasing smell of gas. She continued to wave us away–and we weren’t quite sure what to do. Another car approached us–and it was family or friends of the driver–they didnt want to speak to us much either just saying that they would be fine. We are pretty sure it ended up being a shady situation where she got the kid out of the car and away from the accident before the cops got there.

As we made our way back up the hill, our adrenaline was pumping as the reality of the timing of the whole situation played out in our minds. We really were so close to being in the direct path of her swerve.
What had made me decide to tell Mook to jog those few yards when we usually are just comfortable walking? I’m just so glad we did. I’ve made sure to assure my guardian angel she has the rest of the weekend off.

Random Fact Friday: Kazoos

A post-Thanksgiving-meal-tradition at my in-laws: once the plates are cleared and before dessert is served, the kazoos get passed out. We pick a few Christmas tunes and play away on our kazoos to officially welcome in the Christmas season.

New Jeans

A new space.

A new journey.

Same girl, same passions, same name!

I just needed a new pair of jeans.


I’m sure you can understand….as much as you love that worn in pair of “these fit me just right”, it also feels really, really good to find a new pair of jeans that gives your rear-end an extra lift and keeps that muffin-top tucked in.

I’m definitely in that jean-stretching phase in this new pair; this new space. I need to get comfortable in them. I hope you’ll stick around to tell me my ass looks great.

Thanks for coming over to this new space–take a look around! I had this image of myself standing at the “doors” of my blogspot site and giving this heartfelt farewell speech. That space will always mean so much to me. It’s where I found my blogging voice. But I started that blog at a specific time of my life, and now….well, things have changed. And there is so much more to my life.

This goes without saying I will never forget the community where I found a home. Infertility/family building will always be something I talk about, support and strive to teach others about.

But since I’m not sure I will ever be in that phase of life again, I need to open the windows and doors to the idea of being able to embrace life in the moment I’m living; to be thankful for the little miracle we were blessed with and cherish every moment with him. And of course….blog!

Random Fact Friday: Carladderaphobia

Do you have Carladderaphobia like me? It's my made up word for the fear of driving behind a truck with a ladder attached to it. Gives me the heeby-jeebies!

*Feel free to share your own RFF on your blog; please just reference Random Fact Friday @ Reproductive Jeans*

Random Fact Friday: Careful Steps

I will not walk on any street grate or air vents in the sidewalk. *creeps me out*








  

*Feel free to share your own RFF on your blog; please just reference Random Fact Friday @ Reproductive Jeans*

Random Fact Friday: Sleep Timer

I like to fall asleep with the TV on--bless the invention of sleep timer! But the funny thing is: even though I'm not necessarily watching, the channel must be set to something I would enjoy watching while awake.

Random Fact Friday: Pluck It

The only place I shape up my eyebrows is in my car using my visor mirror. Natural light works wonders.

Wordless Wednesday: In Need

(originally taken the night I started bleeding from my hematoma)

In need of holding onto

"Praying Man"

today.

Recipe Box: Peach or Cherry Pie

*you can see the original post here and the 2nd recipe here*

 

 I love the project that Calliope has been working on to share some recipes from the rolodex of her lovely grandmother, Millie. With her permission to share something similar, I'm going to open a treasured wooden box and pull out a few family recipes from our household. 

The last family recipe that I will share is in honor of some recent reasons to celebrate: a college graduation, blowing out 31 candles on my cake, my sister's birthday, a few wedding anniversaries, new babies --and goodness knows its nice to celebrate after the dramaz this year!

Peach or Cherry Pie:

Directions:

Melt 1 stick of butter in casserole dish. Then mix to a batter the following: 

1 cup sugar
3/4 cup flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 cup mil
Pinch of salt
Pour this batter over butter, do not stir
Add can of peaches or cherries or fresh peaches
Bake 30 minutes at 350

Random Fact Friday: Sweet as Honey

Until about the age of 12, I was convinced that bears made honey, not bees. I blame this little dude.

Swimming in Circles: Book Review & Giveaway

When Mook and I stared at the results of his sperm analysis, life changed forever in that instant for us.

The results were bad. Truly bad--and the even harder part is that we were prepared for the problem to be with me. Such a "standard" when thinking about why you aren't able to get pregnant--the woman automatically thinks: "something is wrong with me!"

So as we absorbed what the doctors were telling us, we were both wondering how we were going to navigate this path that had been laid out for us? I was having a hard time finding books/websites/blogs that had any more than a blip about male factor infertility.

Thankfully, I connected with the ALI community and it became a place where I learned, shared and received support. But as I've mentioned before, Mook was dealing with the diagnosis in more private manner and felt isolated as far as sharing his feelings and connecting with other men experiencing a similar diagnosis.

I only wish we could have had a book like Swimming in Circles by Michael Barr for Mook and I to read together during those really dark days. However, it has proved to give us some "back-dated" healing after absorbing Michael's thoughts and reading about the experiences he and his wife went through.

Thanks to the wonders of social media, Michael and I have become blog and twitter pals in recent months, so it's meant a lot for us to be able to have this connection.

He has graciously offered to giveaway a signed copy of his book! You can also read the first 64 pages here.

Here is a quick blurb from Michael during one of our discussions:

"...if you think infertility is a taboo subject to begin with, just imagine being a guy. That's quite honestly why I wrote the book - almost all the books and all the (good) blogs are from females, and while it's not impossible to interact, I think guys often feel like the impostor - so we often lurk, but rarely share.  I just about went nuts going through all the in vitro because I literally had nobody to talk to about it - and the book became the outlet.  What comes out quite literally looks like a love story with all the ridiculousness of our lives and infertility mixed in. I'm not sure that's going to get guys out of their man-rooms and into the discussion, but at the very least, maybe the story will resonate with them a little and they won't feel so alone. If that happens, I've done my job."


Michael has also offered to hold a Q & A session here for anyone who has questions about male factor infertility, his book or other question about his journey--just ask in the comment section!

And now onto the giveaway!



To enter to win a signed copy of Michael's book:  ways to enter!
1) Leave a comment below discussing your thoughts on male factor infertility. For example: is it talked about enough or not? Do you think men suffer just as much as women in the IF journey?
2) "Like" Michael's Facebook Page for Swimming in Circles (leave comment stating you did so)
3) Tweet this post (leave a comment stating you did so)

You can enter the book giveaway from May 24, 2011 - May 31, 2011 and a winner will be chosen by a random generator. Please leave an e-mail where you can be contacted!

Random Fact Friday: One More

O-man loves fruit snacks. So much, that he carries the last one of the pack around in his hand for up to an hour. He'd probably make it last longer if I wasn't concerned about a sticky blob landing in an unwanted spot. I love to hear him chant: "One mooooooore" before he pops it in his mouth! 

When Are We Old?

I turn 31 today--officially into my 30's. Last year was a graceful entrance into a new decade, because hey--it's cooool to celebrate milestones.

But I'm not wincing too bad, since I'm thankful that I am able to celebrate my life. We forget too often how precious it really is. Sure, I feel like I'm approaching that age where things are more delicate as far as health and needing to pay a little bit more attention to the aches and pains. But I don't feel old, mentally at least :)

Yes, I have matured. Ive learned lessons and grown from experiences but I catch myself feeling like my inner voice (what, you don't have a little voice that talks to you?!) is still 18...still that eager young girl wanting to reach new heights, experience new things, set new goals.

So if I'm 31 in human years but feel 18 in my mind, when do I officially feel old?

I guess it's all relative, huh? Seems like when you enter your 50's people say, "Oh 50 is the new 40!" and so on--so Im hoping that trend continues as I age! Then at least I'll always average about 30 in my mental age, and I can handle that :)

And since I've started this blog, I can definitely see the way that just the past 4 years have helped me grow...

May 18, 2007
May 18, 2008
May 18, 2009
May 18, 2010

This year I find myself enjoying a week away with just Mook...thankful we are able to spend some time together after the challenges of this year. Also giving us time to be thankful for the little boy we get to go home to, and talking about what other steps we can begin to take for our family.

So while I won't say I'm feeling old, I will be sure and take a deep breath in order to blow out all the candles. I hope you all will enjoy a piece of virtual cake I made sure to bring with me--no calories, I promise!

Recipe Box: Chow Chow

*you can see my original post here*

I love the project that Calliope has been working on to share some recipes from the rolodex of her lovely grandmother, Millie. With her permission to share something similar, I'm going to open a treasured wooden box and pull out a few family recipes from our household. 

I love that this is such a southern recipe. I have learned to have a taste for Chow Chow--and this is a regular request made by Mook. And he loves nothing more than the way his grandmother made it. 

Chow Chow:

Ingredients:

1 medium cabbage
1 pt. chopped onions
2 green peppers
2 tbs salt
1 quart vinegar
1/2 lb brown sugar
1/4 cup black mustard seed
1/4 cup white mustard seed
1 tsp celery seed
3 large green tomatoes
1 cucumber (optional)

Directions:

Mix together vegetables with salt-let stand 1 hour; then drain for 3 hours. Mix vinegar, brown sugar & seed. Boil mixture for 1 minute-add vegetables and bring mixture again to boiling point. Pour into sterilized jars and seal. 

 

Random Fact Friday: Spellz

I am a no-good, very bad speller. I get upset when I'm writing something on paper and the little red squiggly line does not come up when I have misspelled a word.

(I misspelled squiggly and misspelled as I wrote this. *sigh*)

Recipe Box: 7-Minute Frosting

I love the project that Calliope has been working on to share some recipes from the rolodex of her lovely grandmother, Millie. With her permission to share something similar, I'm going to open a treasured wooden box and pull out a few family recipes from our household.

Unfortunately, I never got the opportunity to meet Mook's maternal grandmother, who he was very close to. However, I have been given a very special gift: her small wooden box full of hand-written recipes. This means a lot that Mook's family has passed this along to me, and I have been taking good care of the 3x5 note-cards so that hopefully I can pass them on to the next generation in our family.




Today, I'd like to share this recipe: 7-Minute Frosting

Ingredients:

2 egg whites
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 1/2 teaspoon light corn syrup
1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar
1/3 cup cold water
Dash of salt
1 teaspoon vanilla

Directions:

Place all ingredients, except vanilla, in double boiler. Beat for 1 minute with electric mixer or rotary beater. Cook over boiling water, beating constantly with mixer or beater, until mixture form peaks (about 7 minutes) Remove from heat. Add vanilla and beat until spreading consistency.

Random Fact Friday: Tear It Out

Before I read a magazine, I have to go through and rip out ALL of the mailers. This is a must.

Memory Trigger

I'm currently sitting in a Gastroenterology office while Mook goes through his endoscopy.

1st: It amazes me what other people in a waiting room will share with you. Whether its because of nerves, they're bored during the wait--some of it is just plain TMI.

2nd: I'm having a weird emotional reaction to being here. Mook had this same procedure done on July 1, 2008.

That was the day I received my 2nd beta that confirmed I was indeed pregnant with O-man (then known as Ron!)

So I don't look much different than I did that day 3 years ago since I was only 4 weeks along-but man-my mental state sure is different. I remember being on cloud 9 that day, and today the wave of heartache that is currently washing over me is so palpable. I want that feeling of being on cloud 9 again...

So strange what memory triggers can bring up more intense reactions/feelings than others. Even seeing a box of Omans tiny baby clothes this morning didn't act as a trigger.

The one thing that does make me keep giggling is wondering what obscene things will be coming out of Mook's mouth in about an hour...his recovery last time brought out quite a loopy side of him and he was *quite* fond of using the F bomb.

I better go...more waiting room stories are being shared. I don't wanna miss these...

LOL DRAMAZ

I haven't turned into an overzealous texting-speak-teenager. There is just simply no other way to look at life lately without adding humor in the mix.

But Im seriously over living in "what could possibly happen next?!" mode--so I'm doing my best to just live in a 24-hour period and not get upset about the past few months or worry about the next few.

Im happy to say that my PET scan came back with no other sign of the BIG C anywhere else in my body. *thank goodness* My inguinal lymph nodes are still getting a photo-therapy treatment every other week--with the possibility that today's treatment could be the last one. Fingers and toes crossed. Next up, I'll be back in my OB's office to discuss thyroid meds and hopefully get this entire thing wrapped up in a neat little box with a bow on top.

I'll also be racking up a nice dental bill this year due to an emergency root canal I had to have 2 weeks ago--and Im still waiting to get a crown put on. Its quite difficult to really restrict chewing food to one side of your mouth. As good a time as any for a liquid diet.

So next up for the Jeans household is an endoscopy for Mook on Thursday--that awful cough he's had since his bout with the flu and mold exposure in January just hasn't gone away. Hes had such a tough time with heartburn, too--so after meeting with yet another specialist 2 weeks ago, we will take this next step hoping for some answers.

O-man continues to be the sunshine in all of the crazy--I love this age. I want to stop time and keep these moments on constant re-play. Maybe not the tantrums, though....

Thanks for holding on through the DRAMAZ the past few months--and good grief, I hope to enter the NO drama zone SOON!


P.S. To keep my mind occupied through the dramaz, I've been reading The Hunger Game series--anyone else as into it as me? I'm done with 1 & 2 and waiting to get my hands on the 3rd...

Dollar and $ense of Family Building: At What Cost?

Visit Write Mind Open Heart for more perspectives on the Dollars and $ense of Family Building

If two children in a family “cost” different amounts, should that have any significance?

There is an automatic draft for a specified amount that comes out of my bank account every month that began in June 2008 and will keep coming out every month until June 2017 (hopefully sooner...)

This is the price I am paying back to the bank for our loan from our IVF cycles. I jokingly say that O-man is not officially ours until that last penny is paid back. Just a small way that I feel like the whole IF process still has this little nagging hold on me. 

So how can I even begin to think about adding another child into our lives when I'm still paying back the bank for the miracle that is sleeping soundly in the room next to me.

Because my heart aches to complete my family. 

Reality is though, that we aren't in a position where we can dive into the process of adoption, since that is the only way we will be adding to our family in the future. Will we ever be in that position? If we won the lottery!

But since I know a pretty close dollar figure on what we spent to make O-man a reality, what will it mean if we spend more or less to add another child to our family? I imagine that there would be many conversations eventually about how each child was brought into the family....and I don't know that I can answer exactly how I would address the question of what each child "cost"...


I believe that Mook and I would most likely want to focus on the emotional "cost" -- which would mean explaining how much each of them were wanted and loved before they ever came into our lives. Of course being honest about the actual process of money in the journey, but really focusing on how rich our lives are because of their presence in our family.


It does pull at my heart strings to even daydream while writing this post about having that other person in our family. At what "cost" do we pursue this adoption journey? I don't want to be stressed about money and the financial burden of paying off loans for the rest of our lives. But how can I put a price tag on the happiness of adding to our family?

Random Fact Friday: Dipping

I dip club crackers in a glass of ice-cold Dr. Pepper. And it's sooooo good. 

NIAW: A Manly Myth

Myth: "I am less of a man because I can't get my wife pregnant"

I have to be honest with you. When I read through the various myths that RESOLVE listed for our amazing community to bust and blog about, I had to sit with the statement above for a few days before I could put my thoughts into words.

You see, that myth almost became a reality for us.

No, no...I'm not calling Mook less of a man at all. 

But he almost let that statement define him as we launched ourselves into the world of fertility treatments. I can blog and talk about this easier in the now, but when we were in the thick of it all, I thought I might see the spirit of my husband overtaken by infertility.

Mook was diagnosed in early 2007 with crappy sperm. There's no sugar coating it--he's got bad everything: count, morphology, and motility. When we actually saw the numbers printed on a piece of paper, we were standing in our kitchen...and Ill never forget the expression on his face. I knew that if we were going to make it as a couple and through this journey, we had to address the male factor infertility as a WE and not a HIM. I have always referred to our diagnosis as just that: ours.  

We both went through a very similar process as grieving. We wanted to deny that his sperm couldn't do "the job" so we wanted to have another sample tested. The results showed the same numbers--actually a bit worse than the first. So then came the anger: why was this happening to us? Why couldn't we just get pregnant like everyone else? Then there was the bargaining with the doctors--if he ate a better diet, took vitamins and supplements, he'd be able to fix this "problem" and we could improve the sperm on our own. This brought our hopes way up for a few months--but after a third sperm sample came back with the same numbers, we both sank into a state of depression.

And that stage is where Mook and I took different paths...

I was welcomed with open arms into the blogging community and found a place where I could vent, ask for help/suggestions, and feel like I wasn't the only one going through this process.

Mook was of course supportive of the blog--he was aware of it from the very beginning--he read the posts, saw the comments and was grateful for the outlet. But it wasn't providing the same outlet and healing for him...

He seemed fine on the "outside" but was slowly pulling away from me emotionally. Things got really, really tough for us in December/January of '07/'08, and after hitting close to rock bottom, I sought out counseling and was very thankful and grateful that Mook agreed to come so we could work on us. This was not an overnight solution. But as we worked through our sessions, the communication became easier and more revealing of exactly what we were both feeling about the life we were living--focused on having a baby and forgetting that life was going on around us.

As much as I felt like I was being a supportive spouse, it became clear that I was being more of a coach than a wife. Not that it was bad to be positive and on a schedule, but Mook needed to not feel like our whole life was revolving around making a baby. He was feeling "like less of a man..."

We were lucky. Very lucky. We survived as a couple, and we learned things from the counseling that we still practice today. And my husband is an incredible man. Not to mention our 2nd IVF cycle gave us our precious O-man. He's the result of a lot of love, patience, communication, medical intervention, heartache, prayers, and support all rolled into one little miracle.

With this being National Infertility Awareness Week, my hope is that awareness about the male side of infertility will receive more attention. I started this blog 4 years ago noticing that MFI was still a quiet side of infertility, and I still think many men are suffering silently.

This myth is officially: BUSTED!


To learn more about the basics of infertility visit: http://www.resolve.org/infertility101 
Read more about the background of National Infertility Awareness Week® (NIAW): http://www.resolve.org/takecharge.