Tuesday, November 2, 2010

never gonna be president

Appropriate for election day, eh? Did you vote?

I don't plan on running for the oval office anytime soon, but I'm just letting you all know I definitely won't be listed on the ballot for my local mom's group. 

I hosted a play-date today for the mom's group I've been a member of since late last year. I've only been able to do a few events here and there due to: a) a lot of the events are during nap time, b) I cannot attend due to all Mook's travel, and c) I still just don't feel 100% comfortable being in a Mommy group. I feel like an outsider. I almost didn't go back after the first group event, where I took part in a conversation where another mom said, "...and I went off BC half way through my cycle, and I still got pregnant! I am sick of being pregnant!" 


But, I give anything a second chance. And then I even gave it a third and fourth try. I don't like giving up, but....I give up. There were 8 toddlers and 6 Mom's in my living room this morning. Let me give you a run down of what happened:
  • A majority of the mom's did not watch their kids once they stepped through my door. I don't expect you to hover over your child, but let's keep them from climbing onto my kitchen counter, shall we?
  • There were 3 moms that whispered to each other almost the entire time. Like, hold your-hand-up-to-cover-your-mouth kind of whisper. We are not in middle school. And, how rude.
  • Discipline your child. That is all.
  • Do not watch your child mash a goldfish into my carpet and then walk away. 
  • Most of the conversations were about how much money their husband's make, and when everyone is planning on popping out their next kid.
I want Oman to have play-dates and friends, and I want mom's to connect with and share a glass of wine with...but this may not be the right fit. I was trying to talk myself into making this group work for me, but now I realize no one is forcing me. I'm not being mean and unreasonable, right?

So in honor of my crazy morning, today's wine for the Virtual Wine Club is something that is "far out". Mook brought this wine home after one of his business trips this year, and I am head-over-heals in love with Cosmic Charisma from Long Trout Winery.

"You may have a couple of good points, but this beauty has charisma. It's like a circus in your mouth,
watch out for the midget clowns! It's cosmically delicious."

Got your glass ready?

Cheers to kicking the bratty kids and crazy momma's to the curb. Can all of YOU move closer so we can have awesome play-dates all the time? Ok, thanks.


  1. I don't think that I've ever heard of one of "us" joining a mommy group and fitting in. Ever.

  2. I would love to have play dates with you and Oman. Wish I lived closer.

    That wine sounds like so much fun.

  3. It's funny that you live in small town USA in a sense and your mom's group leaves something to be desired. I always thought that big cities had the moms groups like that and small towns had the groups I always wanted to be a part of. I wish you were out here and closer to me. We may live in La La land, but I have been pretty impressed with the moms I have met and they keep me sane. I want that so much for you.

  4. Whoa, that is NOT okay. I cannot believe how those mothers acted! It's good you tried but I wouldn't be surprised if you never did THAT again. Wouldn't it be great to fine one or two moms with babies about your baby's age who could come over, moms you actually wanted to be around? I'm still trying to find those moms. Maybe some day... I hope you find your play dates too! And I raise my glass to you and yours!

  5. Wow. I wouldn't want to be in your mom's group either if I were you. Can't believe the behavior of some of those moms!

    I joined a couple of mom's groups recently as we just moved to a new city and I wouldn't be working so I wanted a way to meet other people as well as find some friends for TK. One of the groups is for older moms and many have had some fertility issues so I feel like I got very lucky with this group. There are also some kids around TK's age and so we have both found some good friends.

    The other group is made up of younger moms and from the two playdates I attended I can tell none of them have had problems with having kids. At the first playdate, one talked about how she was planning to space out her 4 kids and apparently it was all falling into place as she was already pregnant with her second. Needless to say, I have not gone to anymore playdates with that group.

    I think you gave your mom's group enough of a chance. Are there any more mom's groups in your area you could try out?

  6. Oh, JJ, I feel your pain. I went to a HORRIBLE Halloween party that makes me want to never get together with my moms group again. For one thing, none of them work, and I work full-time, so that already makes me weird. And I just don't have time to socialize all the time, so I'm always left out. Also, NONE of them have struggled with infertility and they all had blissful home births.


    I'm with you. I want Oscar to have friends and be part of the neighborhood, but I don't know if I can take it.

    Wish we lived closer so we could get our two Os together! :)

  7. Ok that sounds like the mom's group from Hell. Glad your rid of them and hope you find something way better.

  8. Wow, the goldfish in the carpet would have sent me over the edge! Time to move on! =)

  9. I found a mothers group when pregnant with Bliss that was amazing. They shared my parenting philosophies and were so valuable for me when he was young. We all used to be shocked how many moms never watched their children at the parks we met at. And while there were problems with a few moms over the years I miss that group so much and have yet to find something comparable.

    This week it has become apparent that Bliss does not fit in his aikido class any longer. I felt those same feelings like I had been trying to make the class fit for him and us and it came to a head and I was forced to deal with it. Do not make my mistakes, let it go now and find a good fit!!

    Lots of love!!

  10. ugh. that sounds awful. good for you for giving it another go, but sounds like time to find some new friends. I find the playground to be a lot like that, most days, when no one is watching their kids and they're all jabbering to each other in little cliques instead. then of course all the talk of siblings. like I said, ugh.

    wish we all lived closer for that virtual playgroup. and happy hour too!

  11. I never really clicked with my mother's group either and haven't really seen them since we all went back to work.

    Just because someone has a kid the same age as mine doesn't make us friends.

  12. Wish we did live close enough for playdates! And I can't wait to have a good glass of wine when I'm no longer breasyfeeding via pump...

  13. JJ- that mom's group sounds awful, there has to be some better ones around. We will get together soon. I will e-mail you.

  14. I would never hang out with that group or some of those people again! That sounds like a nightmare actually..

  15. Unfortunately that has been my experience with mom groups too. I tried it about 8 years ago with Michael, and it was the same crap. And when he went to Cub Scouts--my husband and I encountered the same crap (our doctor asked that we do it to help socialize Michael who is hyperactive sometimes--but GEEZ these boys were hyper and their moms were gossiping in the corner!!!)

    So, yeah. The group dynamic doesn't always work. I have found small one-on-one playdates with only one or two kids and one or two parent groups works the best.

    Sorry you had a crappy time of it!

  16. That's insanity. I've been pretty lucky with my playgroup for the most part, but I don't hang out with any of them outside of playgroup. I want my schlubby playgroup.

  17. I would so be in your play group!! Wish I were closer!

  18. I agree with you 100%. Kick them to curb! I HATE people
    like that- that is one of the reasons I have made few friends since I have been here since 2007. You would think once we get older the immature behavior would stop..but I think at times it gets worse. Ugh.

    The glass of wine sounds YUMMY! I am totally going to have to write down all these yummy wines. HA HA HA.

    I would totally come to your play group...with my gnome. :) My gnome would LOVE to play with Oman!


  19. Ugh! If I or my (hypothetical) offspring accidentally mushed a goldfish in your rug, I would be mortified and ask where the vacuum was while frantically trying to pick up all the mushed in pieces. And the whispering? LAME.

    To pick up on something Caro said, when I was a kid I asked my mom who her best friends were. (She worked and had 4 kids, so socializing was not something she did a lot). She actually named a bunch of people I didn't know... from high school and college. I asked, "what about [insert moms of my friends]?" She said that they were friendly, but they weren't best friends. Just because they were my friends moms didn't make them her friends.

    So, I basically just repeated what Caro said with a lame anecdote. Haha

  20. Ummm... yeah.
    Clearly a bad fit.

    I was affiliated with two mom's groups last year. One didn't take and one did. I sure hope you find one that works better for you.

    And if all else fails, move to my neck of the woods...
    I promise I wouldn't spend the whole time whispering to another mom, and I promise that although at least one of my kids would be guaranteed to grind a goldfish into your carpet, we would clean it up:).

  21. Definitely not okay. Any of it. Dump this group and find a new one. And I wouldn't considerate quitting, you're just still shopping for the right fit.

  22. Sorry mom's group was a bust, but don't feel bad about it. They are clearly not your tribe.

  23. Boo. This stinks. I am struggling to make mom friends, too. Want to move to Dallas?

    What is with women talking so much about money?! I find that SO MANY moms do that. Especially the ones that don't work at all. It's really weird!

  24. It's SO hard to find a good group. I've found one... out of many.

  25. Ugh. So sorry about the playgroup. That's just stupid.

    Have you ever tried to find a MOPS group. It's Mothers of Pre-Schoolers? I have friends here who are in those groups and like it.

    And that wine sounds fabulous!

  26. I hear ya! I was in a mommy group when Nae was a baby and I hated every minute of it! All I wanted was a down to Earth group of women or men to connect with, no such luck. Its so frustrating!

    On the plus side, more wine for you! That wine sound yummy! We have a winery close, Panther Creek, and they make a GOOD red wine! Awfully spendy, but a good bottle of red for a special occasion.

  27. that is what makes me so totally nervous about joining a mom's group - i am not about rudeness and such.

    but is so frustrating not to have anyone to "connect" with on that level in real life.

  28. Alright. Next time this happens, PLEASE call me. I'll come over and be the blunt, rude, slightly trashy woman who puts those moms in their place. Seriously. I'm sarcastic to the point of being completely abrasive, and I'd love to let loose on some people who deserve it. I've been known to pick up a tossed cigarette butt and hand it back to the person while sweetly saying, 'Looks like you dropped something!' That's always a friend-winner. I imagine that would work well with goldfish cracker crumbs, too.

  29. No fun at all! I don't have time for moms groups (Thank God!), and I always feel awkward when I go to birthday parties and other events. Fortunately, I was able to meet some very nice women for socializing (without kids mostly, but sometimes with) through some of the guys I work with. And the moms from the daycare are generally nice, but also very busy. Daycare - socializing my child so I don't have to deal with crazy women...

    Goldfish in the carpet? Really? I totally hover over my child at someone else's house until I am absolutely certain she knows the rules and is not going to destroy anything. Good luck finding another group - or at least a couple like-minded women.

  30. Ugh! I have not had any luck with the couple of Mom's groups I tried around here, either. I've picked up a couple 'mom' friends (who have become true friends) at baby classes and the like. I find that it happens when you least expect it. I randomly met someone at the playground the other day who seemed nice and had a child A's age. Unfortunately, it was freezing, so neither of us stayed long and I don't know if I'll run into her again. But it was refreshing to encounter another mom who wasn't dressed to the nines for once. So anyway, I understand where you're coming from.

    Thanks for the wine! I could definitely use it and look forward to more virtual glasses.

  31. I can so empathize. I went to 1! group like that and felt sick the whole time.

    I got lucky and found some former infertiles to include in a small neighborhood group - it's worked out well, and over time, the "new" women have learned about my struggles.

    Now - I won't lie - I'm the only one that doesn't have another. And that has certainly stung at times. But no whispering!

  32. I had a hard time with the mommy group I went to. I'm fortunate that my neighborhood has a few kids Smooch's age that have cool moms and I've made a few other friends with boys his age. The parent's I've connected with the best were met in a more random sort of way. I think as kids get older it is easier to find other mom's to connect with. I wish we were closer because we would have a totally rockin' play group. Rotten, I actually think the small town ones are worse (coming from someone in a small town)!

  33. Hmmmm, perhaps this is a business opportunity. It could be like Match.com, but for Mommies. You could have multiple choice questions like...

    You child just crushes goldfish crackers into the host's rug, do you:

    a) turn and walk away

    b) whisper and gossip

    c) continue texting on phone


    d) apologize to hostess, help clean up, punch whispering bitches in the face, drink wine

  34. OMG people are awful. And conversations about how much money hubby makes and when, exactly, they plan to pop out their next kid are exactly what I feared a mom's group might be like. Which is why I stayed away from them for so long! They sound like a bunch of idiots and I'm glad you're getting rid of them. I hope you can find yourself another group of moms, somehow who are real people and are actually people you want to spend time with and develop friendships with. You deserve that!!

  35. I hear you. I've had the worst time making friends. A lot of acquintances, but only 1 new friend. I don't fit in at all, hence, I hardly talk which could affect the friend making ;-).


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